WWE RAW REPORT- July 30th – Raw Catches Fire
Raw starts out with a cold opening shot of the live crowd still filing in. It turns out that a pyrotechnic mishap during rehearsal resulted in the Jumbo-Tron catching fire. The crowd entrance was delayed an hour. Lawler and Cole seem to be doing their best to stall as they throw to a recap of last week’s historic Raw.
It appears that the show must go on.
CM Punk comes out to a mostly positive reaction. Apparently the burning question all week has been “why Punk why?” so Punk is going to address this. He talks about wanting a Wrestlemania moment, and saying that his Raw moment was bigger than most peoples Wrestlemania moments. Punk goes on to say that he was uncomfortable with hearing Jerry Lawler say that “CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE universe.” Punk gets in Lawler’s face, sitting on the desk. He tells Jerry that The Rock is not the whole WWE universe; he’s one man who disrespected the WWE Champion. He tells Lawler that he took exception to how The Rock dismissed him, saying that he would just take the WWE title from him. Punk says that “Dwayne” tried to make the show all about him, and Punk showed him who he was. Punk points out that Rock has been silent. He tells Lawler that despite the way he wants to spin things, Raw ended as it always should, with the focus on the Champion.
Punk did more to restore the value of the title in 5 minutes than I remember anyone doing in a long time.
Big Show comes out next, Punk cuts him off, and accuses him of trying to steal the spotlight. Show says that the focus is all on him, because he cost Cena the title, and made him the first man to lose a MITB title match. He tells Punk that he knocked out Cena, and Punk still couldn’t beat him. Show vows to be the next WWE Champion.
Punk points out Shows losing streak. Cena runs out and goes right after Big Show. Show gets knocked to the outside and retreats. This leaves Punk and Cena in the ring.
Out comes the new GM, AJ Lee! AJ announces a main event of Big Show vs. John Cena with the winner getting Punk at Summerslam.
MATCH # 1 SANTINO vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO
You can tell that Del Rio is losing star power; he doesn’t even get the rental car anymore.
Del Rio is aggressive right off the bat, working Santino’s arm. Santino manages to dropkick him off the apron and get the upper hand. Del Rio brawls his way back, and despite an attempted Cobra strike, Del Rio slaps on the cross arm breaker just in time before I fall asleep
Winner – Alberto Del BORO
Del Rio gets on the stick and says that he just destroyed the US Champion like he was nothing. He says that everyone is beneath him, and that he will not compete until his Title Match at Summerslam.
Brodus Clay and the Funkadackles are dancing in the ring. Vicky comes out and excuses herself. She then does the Elaine Benes thumb dance. This brings out my new hero, Damien Sandow. He begs our indulgence, and replays his run in with DX. Sandow attacks Brodus without warning, hitting him with numerous shots and stomps, and then he snaps Clay’s bling (you heard me).
Jericho is on a baby face team tonight, so I suppose that completes the turn. They recap his run INS with Ziggler.
In the back, Daniel Bryan storms into AJ’s office. She quickly puts him in his place, and reminds him that she’s his boss. She talks about the white coats, and says that she thinks he was going to marry her and have her committed. Bryan comes back with an amazing line “I was committed to marrying you!” (Awesome) AJ sets up a match with Bryan and Sheamus for later. Bryan asks if it’s for the world title. AJ repeatedly shouts “No!”
Another recap shows HHH and Heyman coming to terms on a Summerslam match. I know realize how they will fill three hours every week…recaps!
It is announced that there will be an online vote as to which type of match Sheamus will have with Bryan. Sheamus tells Josh Mathews the rougher, the better. He then tells Josh that he looks a little nervous today, and to take it easy (what’s that all about?)
MATCH # 2 SHEAMUS vs. DANIEL BRYAN
Bryan tells the crowd to stop chanting “Yes!” and he goes on a rampage telling them to stop and repeatedly shouts “No!” (I’m starting to miss the “what?” chants)
Now we get to find out what type of match they will have. I voted for an 18 second Iron man match…Looks like it will be a street fight.
Sheamus over-powers Bryan with his brawling early on. He delivers a nasty back drop on the ramp, and the two brawl up on the stage. Sheamus tosses Bryan into the WWE sign, but Bryan answers with some kicks and a running knee off the stage. Back in the ring, Bryan goes for a cross body, but Sheamus catches him and hits a fall away slam into the time-keepers area. Sheamus suplexes Bryan onto the floor and grabs a chair and kendo stick. Bryan controls the Kendo stick and goes on the attack. Bryan sets up the chair, wedging it in the corner, and manages to dropkick Sheamus into it. Sheamus answers with some brute force, and sets up the steel steps. Bryan drives Sheamus into the steel post (this looked and sounded stiff) and sets up the steel steps in the ring. Sheamus counters and hits a brogue kick with Bryan falling onto the steps, and that is all she wrote.
Winner – Sheamus
After the commercial, Bryan is crying in the ring, saying that he needs a doctor and he will not leave until he gets one.
With Bryan still in the ring, R Truth and Kofi Kingston come out. They tell Bryan to do everyone a favour and just go. Bryan starts to make fun of little Jimmy, he pretends to pet him, and then kick him out of the ring (best thing since Snitsky!) Bryan calls Truth crazy, and says that he’s out of his mind. The white coats come out to the ring and after teasing taking away Truth, AJ comes out and sets them straight. She says that Daniel seems a little mentally unstable and he needs to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. The white coats escort Bryan out of the ring, as AJ blows him a kiss and waves goodbye.
Some people are shown “Touting” I fast forwarded it…sorry…I’m not sorry.
Speaking of fast forwarding…here comes AW. He brings out the Primetime Players.
MATCH # 3 KOFI KINGSTON vs. TITUS O’NEIL
Titus catches Kofi off the top and starts barking. AW actually has a line this time, making reference to Kobe Bryant. Kofi counters a side slam into a DDT and hits his controlled frenzy crap. Darren Young hits the apron, but he gets neutralized by Truth. AW interferes with his shoe, and this causes a distraction for Titus to win with his power bomb finisher.
Winner – Titus O’Neil
In the back, CM Punk is chatting with Cena, telling him that he admitted he took advantage of Big Shows involvement, but he didn’t think he was obligated to get involved. He tells Cena that he respects him and likes him enough to be brutally honest. He tells him that he doesn’t wish him luck in his match, and he knows Cena’s upset because he did to The Rock what he couldn’t do in a whole year. He pats Cena on the back and tells him to let it go. Cena doesn’t seem amused.
Cole apologizes for AW’s remarks (what, that they weren’t entertaining?)
Heath Slater is up next. He seems to be sick of all the “Slater Haters” and after the mandatory recap from last week, Heath says that he is ready to get his career back on track. He challenges any current WWE Superstar.
Out comes the returning Randy Orton! The original legend killer (nice symmetry)
MATCH # 4 RANDY ORTON vs. HEATH SLATER
The longer this one goes, the madder at Orton they are…Slater gets a few shots in before Orton hits his clothesline and DDT. He finishes with an RKO in less than a minute.
Winner – Randy Orton
Orton’s going to have to flip a coin with Santino to see who keeps the Mohawk.
In the back, Daniel Bryan is annoyingly going through his Psych evaluation. The doctor asks him a series of yes or no questions. This sparks Bryan to constantly shout “Yes!”
MATCH # 5 CHRIS JERICHO & CHRISTIAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER & THE MIZ
Ziggler stars with Christian, and shows off a bit. Christian takes advantage and hits a flapjack. Jericho and Miz go at it next, with Christian hitting a dive off the top to the outside onto the heels. Christian goes on a roll next, hitting all his signature spots until being slowed down by Miz. Christian is about to tag in Jericho, but Miz pull him from the apron. After another extended beat down, Christian no sells a famouser and hits a power bomb onto Ziggler. He tags in Jericho who flies through the ring, hitting his springboard dropkick, bulldog, and lionsault. Ziggler breaks the count, but Christian spears Ziggler. Jericho attempts the walls of Jericho but Miz counters it. Christian hits Miz with a thumb to the eye and Jericho hits the code breaker for the win.
Winners – Christian & Jericho
After the match, Ziggler nails Jericho with the MITB briefcase from behind.
Back to Daniel Bryan who will be doing the Ink Blot test. The three ink blots are strategically placed together to reveal a goat face. Bryan is not amused. He calls himself a G.O.A.T (Greatest of all time) and goes on to call out Charlie Sheen. This is very amusing stuff.
MATCH # 6 TENSAI vs. TYSON KIDD
I’m not sure who the favorite is!
Tensai beats Kidd down and then applies the claw. Kidd fights out of it and almost gets a roll up. Kidd hits a neck breaker for another near fall, but Tensai wins it with a power bomb and a splash.
Winner – Tensai…or is he?
After the match, Tensai continues the beat down with backbreaker. The Ref reverses his decision and gives the win to Tyson Kidd via DQ
Winner – Tyson Kidd
Tensai summons Sakamoto who gets punished and tossed aside.
In the back, the doctor says that despite his short temper and obsessions, he believes that Daniel Bryan is 100% sane. The doc leaves and Kane appears and calls himself Bryans “Anger Management therapist”, and then he beats him down.
CM Punk comes back out; it looks like he’ll be doing some commentary.
MATCH # 7 JOHN CENA vs. BIG SHOW
Punk says that he’s out here to make sure that the commentary isn’t slanted in anyone’s favour.
The crowd is hot for and against Cena. Nobody seems to care one way or another for Big Show. Show dominates early on with his power and stiff strikes. Punk and King get into a spat over the commentary, but the crowd is still very energetic with the chants. Cena slaps on a sleeper hold, and that kills all the excitement. Show counters with a bear hug, and Cena reverses yet again. King really gets into it with Punk, and defends The Rock, as Punk tries to point out the in ring happenings. Show attempts a Vader bomb, but Cena dodges it and hits the shoulder tackle and side slam. He hits the five knuckle shuffle but gets caught in a choke slam. Cena takes a run at Big Show on the outside, but he dodges it and sends Cena right into CM Punk. Cena just beats the count but Show is waiting with a KO punch. Cena ducks it and goes for the AA but Punk runs in and stops it. Punk kicks Show in the head and announces that nobody is the winner of the match, they are both losers.
Punk walks up the ramp and out as AJ comes out to the ramp. She says that both men aren’t losers, they’re winners. She says that Summerslam will be a triple threat match between Punk, Big Show and Cena.
Punk comes back out and starts complaining to AJ that he’s not getting any respect.
Raw goes off the air as AJ smiles and laughs at an infuriated CM Punk.
I’m not too sure about this whole CM Punk thing. So far, they are making him look scared and week, and I don’t think that suits his character (good or bad). I really don’t know how we are supposed to be feeling about him, but right now I would say that he just looks weaker. Having said that, I really liked his promo off the top, and his emphasis on the title seems to be a commendable quality, therefor the whole angle still has me confused. I am enjoying Ziggler and Jericho, and I thought the tag match tonight was pretty good. It’s been a while since we’ve got to see Jericho work that style, and I miss it! Unfortunately the reality of a three hour Raw has already set in…and without 5 HHH recaps and an unplanned fire, this episode really didn’t have a lot of meat on the bones. Some good stuff, a lot of filler…thank god for PVR!
And now for some Odds!
What really caused the fire?
JR’s extra hot bbq sauce 400-1
Miz’s spray tan exploded 200-1
Tensai left a bag of his shaved back hair next to the radiator 144-1
Ricky Steamboat belched 49-1
Orton heard voices in his head…to set a fire! 37-1
Faulty wiring 9-1
Vince McMahon yelled to the tron “You’re fired” 2300-1
Cena’s Ex 3-1
An Alberto Del Rio match 99000-1 (think about it)
A ray of sunlight reflected off of Sheamus and onto the tron 77-1
Please leave your comments and answer the burning question (pun intended) what really caused the fire!
Have a great week!