Fitness / Editorial

Movember Madness: Moustache Review

Lilly Lazare-Greene / November 8, 2012 - 2:50pm

I have to admit I'm a shade jealous I can't fully be part of "Movember." You know, being a woman and all.

November is the month that guys can show their support for the fight against prostate cancer by growing a moustache. No matter how great the cause, I think they look weird and creepy.  Except for Tom Selleck. I think he was born with that bad boy. But seriously, I understand that prostate cancer is a big problem in the male community and why men should be the ones to show their support, maybe more than women. We don't grow breasts for breast cancer, or expect anyone else to either but wearing pink seems to be doing the trick. However, it would be fun to grow a ridiculous looking moustache for one month out of the year. With all this being said I would like to say thank you and take a look at some of those epic moustaches and beards out there, in particular the ones within the combat sports community.

First off I would have to go with Don Frye. Like "Magnum P.I." he's got one of the meatiest moustaches I have ever seen. Topped off with that ultimate bad ass attitude, it would be silly if he didn't have a moustache as big as he has. Ian "Uncle Creepy" McCall and Cody McKenzie have a very similar look, the pointy little beard and "Imperial" style of moustache (that's when the ends curl upwards). McCall wears this one the best because he's got that 1800's wild west look about him. Tim Sylvia has been known to put some serious effort into his facial hair. Kind of resembles "Wild Thing" from "Major League" but on his face. Chuck Liddell has got to have one of the best "Handle Bar" or "Horseshoe" style moustaches I have ever seen, and his look would be incomplete without it. Then you've got your straight up moustache like Dan Severn. Even Yoshihiro Akiyama, who genetically may not have the strongest moustache growing strength, but still adds to his look non the less.

Hulk Hogan has always rocked a wicked "Handle Bar" or "Horseshoe" and I couldn't imagine "The Hulkster" without it especially because it coordinates with his horseshoe pattern baldness. Triple H wore a serious "Handle Bar" in his heel days of the mid 2000's for obvious reasons, it makes you look mean. As if he didn't look mean enough. "Ravishing Rick Rude" also had a Don Frye look, which was perfect for that era, very 80's porn star-esque. "Sargent Slaughter's" was so perfect it looked like is was drawn on. "Scotty 2 Hotty" had the whole 90's "Backstreet Boy" image he had to uphold, that came complete with the skinny goatie and a hole in the top of your hat. Then of course there's Jake "The Snake" Roberts, anyone with "Snake" in their name requires a moustache, except "Snake" from "DeGrassi High" he was so square that a nickname like that didn't even put a dent in his dorky persona.

I know beards aren't officially part of "Movember", but they are brothers of the moustache and let's face it, there are some great ones out there. Also the fact that Ariel Helwani has stated time and time again that he's "obsessed with beards" means they must have some sort of importance. The obvious first pick would have to be Roy "Big Country" Nelson. It's beastly, it's unkempt, it's the exact opposite of the World Series Champion, San Francisco Giants pitcher Brian Wilson. If we compare their beards to cars, Wilson would be a black Porsche and "Big Country" would be an old beat up pick up with crusty manure all over it. But they aren't all bad, Jon Jones has an Amish look, Michael Chiesa had a monster that may have helped him win "The Ultimate Fighter" earlier this year, Kyle Kingsbury had a thick one until he had to get rid of his by request after putting 10 weeks of growth into it and especially Brock Lesnar who let his ginger flag fly loud and proud for a while, but didn't really do him any favours.

In conclusion, moustaches and beards are definitely a choice that a man makes if he wants to stand out in some way, switch up his look or hide something from the world. There are dozens of styles out there that are bound to make any man look good or horrible. There's no in between. You can't kind of look good with facial hair, and remember boys, you're not hiding much because it's just a way for us ladies to see if the carpet matches the drapes.