LAW
Raw Report for Feb. 26 - Triple H and Brock Lesnar Brawl
Sean Balfour / February 26, 2013 - 2:57pm
Today my report comes to you somewhat abbreviated and possibly missing my usual keen attitude towards expecting the best out of the show. I am in the process of moving into a new place and if you want to know how that’s going, rent “The Money Pit”. An interesting connection that movie has to wrestling is it was always played on NBC leading in to Saturday Nights Main Event. And I watched it 100 times as I fought to stay awake to see the WWF show that followed.
Okay, despite all that this should be a hot show with lots of (not so) surprises.
Vince kicks off the show, sporting crutches as I hear he did at the WM press conference. I wonder if he was inspired by Daniel Day Lewis to become the next great method actor. Vince talks about doing things in a big way. He calls out Paul Heyman, whom he sarcastically calls “the ultimate fighter”. Heyman makes his way down to the ring, in his sweats. He says he’s been waiting his whole life for this fight, and despite Vince’s efforts to portray him as a wimp, he’s all man. He credits Vince for running him out of business, but warns him that he’ll take the fight right to him. Heyman tackles Vince without warning and starts to attack him with a crutch. Vince is able to counter and get in some crutch shots of his own.
Just when Vince has the upper hand, Brock Lesnar comes out (“surprise” #1) Brock steps in the ring and eyeballs Vince long enough for surprise #2 to come out…It’s HHH (despite Cole not being sure at first!) Hunter tackles Brock and the two men engage in a street brawl. Brock gets his head rammed into the post a couple of times and then hurled over the barricade. Brock does some crazy colour here. He delivers almost an AA to HHH onto the announce table. It doesn’t break. Hunter fends off a crutch attack and hits Brock with a chair. Great segment, but what else do I need to see at Mania that they didn’t just do for free?
MATCH # 1 RYBACK vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER
Remember Dolph Ziggler? Me neither. His entrance is skipped in favour of a TOUT plug…remember TOUT? Me neither.
Ziggler mounts some offence but gets caught trying to leapfrog and Ryback converts it into a power slam. Ziggler tries a cross-body but gets caught again. Ryback hits a standing Vertical suplex that started during the commercial and lasted 20 seconds into the live segment; very impressive. Big E attacks Ryback behind the refs back but Ziggler can’t even get a one count. Ziggler hits a running DDT that looked so much like a Ryback reversal that Cole called it that way before correcting himself. He swats Ziggler off yet again and hits a spine buster. He knocks BIG E off the apron and hits a power bomb and shellshock for the win.
Winner – Ryback
This was one of Ryback’s better matches; and Ziggler bumped like a champ while taking at least 10 power moves.
A preview for “The Call” airs; starring Halle Barrie and to a lesser extent David Otunga. This is a smart idea for WWE Studios to use real starts while featuring their performers in smaller roles.
CM Punk makes his way out. He talks about tonight being historic. He talks about it being the end of one story and the beginning of another. He mocks the concept of pointing at the Mania sign, saying that tonight isn’t about Mania or Cena or the Rock or even the WWE title. He says that it’s about the only thing more important than all that, me (not me, but him). He puts himself over by talking about beating Cena countless times and the Rock twice in 4 weeks. He calls himself an icon. And says that he’s immortal, the greatest of all time! (This is good Undertaker set up) he finishes off by calling himself god (even god drank wine).
Donald Trump is going into the HOF. From a WWE perspective he deserves it, and in wrestling context, he’s amazing…in all other areas of his being, he’s a tool.
MATCH # 2 MARK HENRY vs. GREAT KHALI
This match is analogist to my report this week…short, but technically beautiful.
Henry dominates with a splash and W.S.S. for an easy win.
Winner – Mark Henry
Another movie? Really? Really? Really? The Miz in Marine 3; now there’s a trilogy worth owning.
Miz TV is up next. Miz has Alberto Del Rio with Ricardo, and Jack Swagger with Zeb Colter. Miz gets straight to it. He brings up the YouTube videos and mentions a week of controversy surrounding the Real Americans.
Zeb mentions that he would have liked the opportunity to talk to Glenn Beck but since he chickened out, Del Rio will do. He introduces himself and Swagger as Real Americans, and talks about the millions of undocumented immigrants in the country. He calls them illegals. He says the same things he’s been saying but this time directly to Del Rio. Miz takes command and tells Zeb to be quiet. Del Rio allows Zeb to keep talking. He informs us that it takes 10 years to become a citizen in Mexico, and immigrants in Mexico can’t own land. He tells Del Rio that it’s not personal; it’s about what Del Rio represents. Zeb continues by saying that his success encourages others to sneak across the border, but they fail. Zeb calls the illegals nothing but criminals. Del Rio tells him it’s time to shut up. He calls America the greatest country on earth because it belongs to everyone. He says that he’s no different than any of them, and they have all descended from immigrants who try to get the best they can for their families. He tells Zeb and Jack that he doesn’t like bullies, and he challenges them to do something to make him leave.
Swagger says that they will see him at Wrestlemania. Thankfully he’s not saying much these days…it’s working.
During the break Swagger attacked Miz from behind because they thought his interview was bias.
MATCH # 3 RANDY ORTON vs. ANTONIO CESARO
Orton hits a nice tiger suplex (I think) but Cesaro comes back with his gut wrench. He maintains his upper hand with uppercuts and generic dirty heel moves. Orton comes back with a scoop slam and a back breaker. Cesaro tries to deliver his top rope upper cut but Orton turns it into a flying RKO for a surprising win (timing wise).
Winner – Randy Orton
Team Hell No in the back tries to agree to let bygones be bygones. Bryan and says that he could beat the primetime players blindfolded. Kane says that he could do it with one hand behind his back. Vickie and Brad Maddox interrupt and book the match with those very stips. Maddox is hilarious here as he interrupts Vickie with every line…I could get into this duo.
After the Oscars last night, WWE relives one of the greatest promo campaigns in history with their movie parodies. This one shows “A few Good Men” with John Cena and JBL (who probably SHOULD be an actor because he’s amazing)
Sheamus comes out in a suit. He’s going to talks about Oscar snubs from last night (as long as I don’t have to watch him wrestle, sure). The Mediocre White talks about being a movie lover. He says that one of the biggest snubs was Wade Barrett for Dead Man Down (oh now I get it). He plays the preview (preview #3 tonight) Sheamus freeze frames Barrett’s tiny non speaking part and mocks the fact that he’s not even in focus in the shot. He cracks some jokes until Barrett walks out and calls it nothing but jealousy. Barrett talks about becoming a star and walking the red carpet, while Sheamus will be hanging out in a dingy pub. Sheamus cracks some jokes about Barrett’s appearance (what a bully!)
Barrett tries for a sneak attack but Sheamus ducks it. No contact tonight.
MATCH # 4 R TRUTH vs. CODY RHODES
Sandow does commentary, mostly to use big words to discredit R Truth. He calls his body a castle and scowls at the concept of a bromance.
In the ring, Cody hits a vertical suplex and applies a full nelson. Truth hits a lie detector in short time for an easy win.
Winner – R Truth
Sandow tries to get in a sneak attack but Truth has it scouted and fends him off.
Another “We the People” YouTube video airs. They talk about immigrants taking their jobs. The best heels are the ones that have a point.
MATCH # 5 HELL NO vs. PRIMETIME PLAYERS
Despite being blindfolded, Bryan still wants to start the match. He does a roll and tries to arm drag the ref (hilarious). The fans chant Yes and No to help guide him. Titus blows his whistle to bait him and hits a clothesline. Darren Young hits a suplex and tags back Titus who hits a scoop slam. He goes for an elbow but Kane warns him to move. Bryan accidently clobbers Kane as he is trying to help him and trips back into the ring. Kane calls for a tag and is able to tackle and choke slam Young while kicking Titus away all with one hand. Bryan celebrates for Kane’s accomplishments.
The Shield makes their way down to the ring. Ambrose says that it’s gonna keep getting worse. He says that there will be no peace in WWE until there is no injustice. He tells the guys in the back that they can assemble any team they want, and they will prevail. Reigns echo’s those comments and gets dark as he talks about grinding bones into dust. Rollins talks about winning at TLC and going on to solve the John Cena problem. He talks about dropping Jericho, Sheamus, Ryback etc. He asks if there is anyone else that wants to step up.
Sheamus comes out to the ramp and tries to bait them. Orton comes out from nowhere and singles out Rollins, hitting him with an RKO and bailing through the crowd. Not sure where this is all going yet (wasn’t Sheamus in a program with Barrett?
MATCH # 6 MIZ vs. JACK SWAGGER
Miz takes Jack over the top and attempts a dive off the apron only to be caught and suplexed on the outside. He follows up with a splash in the corner and some knees to the gut. Miz hits a high knee but his momentum is stopped with a clothesline. Swagger hits the swagger-bomb. He manages to knock Miz into the ropes causing his leg to get tied up. He chop blocks Miz and applies the patriot lock for the tap out.
Winner – Jack Swagger
Lawler is eating about 3lbs of tater tots from Sonic…uh Jerry? Remember the old ticker problem? Good call Sonic.
John Cena from the back puts over the city and the main event match where he puts his title shot on the line against Punk. Cena is very straightforward as he says that he asked for this match to prove that he deserves to be #1 contender…blah blah blah…same old stuff. Although not too jokey, so that’s good.
MATCH # 7 CM PUNK vs. JOHN CENA
Alright, let’s get this match going so surprise # 3 can come out and put his streak on the line at mania.
Cena and Punk trade take downs and tie up multiple times, sort of establishing that they are familiar with each other in the early going. Cena hits a hip toss. He connects with a running bulldog. Punk hits DDT but Cena kicks out and hits a running tackle. Punk locks in the anaconda vice but Cena escapes. Punk stays on him with a flying clothesline. He gets caught on a second attempt and Cena locks in an STF but Punk reverses it into a vice. Cena reverses that into a cross face and Punk rolls into a pin attempt. Both men trade shots until Cena hits a spine buster. Punk kicks Cena as he sets for the shuffle and attempts a GTS but gets reversed. He connects with a high knee but Cena reverses the bulldog and hits the shuffle. They counter finishers again but Cena hits a sit-down power bomb. Cena hits a leg drop off the top. Punk hits another high knee but Cena returns with an AA out of nowhere. Punk kicks out! Punk takes it to the outside and works the count to 6 before ramming Cena into the post. Cena beats the count just in time. Punk hits a GTS but Cena kicks out. Cena reverses a second attempt into an STF. Punk makes it to the rope…what a match! Punk hits a pile driver (shades of Mick Foley) for another near fall. Punk misses an elbow and Cena hits a hurricanrana and an AA for the clean win.
Winner – John Cena
That was probably the best match these two have had yet.
Raw comes to a close with Cena celebrating the continuation of what could be his best year yet!
And, no Undertaker…yet.
Well what can I say? I loved the show. Great matches and solid build. Gonna leave it at that today and get back to trying to un-wedge myself from this hole I have fallen hallway through on the upper floor of my new place.
Have a great week!
