Raw starts out tonight how my dreams last night ended, with AJ. After a recap of the love triangle (or is it rectangle?) AJ is shown close up apparently talking to Bryan, telling him that they should drift apart for now in order to be closer in the future. She goes on to tell Kane that he’s not a man, he’s a monster, and that could get in the way of a relationship. She finishes by telling CM Punk that although she wants him she feels that he doesn’t feel the same way. Basically she breaks it off with all three of them, then the camera pans to reveal that she’s talking to a mirror. This was awesome.
The show officially opens with Vicky Guererro announcing in a record annoying fashion that she plans on using her one week GM spot to prove herself as the best choice as permanent GM. She sets up the first match; three-way elimination.
MATCH # 1 DANIEL BRYAN vs. KANE vs. CM PUNK
There are a healthy amount of “Yes” signs tonight.
Kane dominates early, until Bryan and Punk work together with several kicks. Bryan turns on Punk for a quick roll up attempt. Kane tries to work his way back into the ring, but the two smaller guys put their battle on hold in order to attempt to keep him on the outside. Kane eventually gets to the top rope, but he’s greeted by Bryan. Punk interrupts and lifts Bryan up for an attempted Dooms Day Device. Bryan ducks the clothesline however and turns it into a roll up. Kane tries for a double choke slam but is countered by a double suplex. Punk hits a heel kick on Bryan and low bridges Kane over the top. He launches Bryan up over on to Kane and follows up with a dive on to both men. Punk goes for the flying clothesline but Bryan reverses into a Yes Lock, but Punk reverses that into a slingshot. Kane blindsides Punk and sets him up for a choke slam, but yet again AJ comes out to the ring and prances around. Kane is distracted again but this time with a little more annoyance than admiration. Punk gets the upper hand and hits the GTS for a pin on Kane. Bryan capitalizes immediately and hits a kick to the temple of Punk, and pins the WWE Champion for the win.
Winner – Daniel Bryan
In the back, Vicky is greeted by Alberto Del Rio. He asks Vicky to recognize that he’s the number one contender for the World Title. Ziggler comes in to correct him, saying that Del Rio was the number one contender until he got hurt. Vicky makes a match between the two with a World Title contract on a poll. The winner will get Sheamus this Friday. Ricardo comes in with some flowers for Vicky, but Dolph throws them against the wall (jealous or annoyed?)
Next up is a recap of Big Show laying a beat down on Brodus last month (back when he was a main eventer!)
MATCH # 2 BIG SHOW vs. BRODUS CLAY
I had forgotten that Brodus was banned from Raw, until Cole reminds us, saying that Vicky has overturned that stupid decision. Lawler is approving of Vicky’s moves thus far.
Brodus knocks down Big Show, but Show quickly gets up and targets Brodus’ bad knee. He proceeds to stomp on it, and smashes it against the ring post. Show stumbles his way to the second rope and hits a Vader-bomb. He slowly stalks Brodus, who fights out of the attack. Brodus picks up Show, but his knee gives out and Show falls onto him and completes the pin.
Winner – Big Show
Brodus is selling his knee injury after the match.
The announcers remind us that Cena will have a big announcement tonight. They follow this up with another Make a Wish promo, citing that he has granted 300 wishes (that’s more than Hornswoggle, and he’s a leprechaun!)
A special Raw 1000th recap shows Bob Barker hosting, and his wonderful interaction with Chris Jericho, as well as Bob challenging Chavo to a rematch on the 2000th episode (don’t hold your breath)
During the Commercial, Brodus was being helped out of the arena when Big Show snuck in with a KO punch.
And the recaps continue…this one is a recap of HHH challenging Brock, followed by Heyman turning him down and getting himself popped. Next week Brock Lesnar himself will answer HHH’s challenge.
In the Back, AJ is with the real Kane. Kane tells her that she’s made him feel things that he never thought possible, and that’s not a good thing. He says that he’s not relationship material. Kane goes on to say that even he finds her to be mentally unstable. He dumps AJ and leaves. AJ starts crying, but it quickly turns into laughter.
MATCH # 3 SANTINO vs. JACK SWAGGER – For the U.S. Title
If you want to see what Jack Swagger did for Vicky to get this title shot, you have to go online…I’ll pass.
Swagger plays into the comedy, getting chased around by the cobra. He does go on to hit a power slam and leg drop. Santino hits his hip toss and salute dive. He brings out the sock, and hits a DDT followed by the Cobra…and that’s it.
Winner – Santino
Cena is on his way out, and comes across a box of “People Power” T-shirts that are labeled “Free to a good home”. Zack Ryder pops in and tosses one into the garbage…Cena approves. That’s it Zack, you’re done…go back to the internet.
Cena comes out. He talks about his tweet teaser (or tweeser). Cena compares his whole feud with Big Show and John Laurinaitis to Star wars, which if I had ever watched, I would have understood. He compares Vince to Yoda, and the steel cage to the Death Star. Cena is all comedy, doing voices and everything. He’s about to make his historic announcement…and then things get good.
JERICHO! He comes out wearing some amalgam of his rocker clothes and his shiny jacket. They show him playing with Fozzy, and explain this as the reason for his absence.
Huge Y2J chants fill the arena, and my living room. Jericho tells Cena he’s wasting time, and this is his night. Cena welcomes Jericho back and updates Chris on what has been going on. He goes on to say that Big Show is a threat in the MITB and his big announcement is that he’s joining the match. Cena says he’s going to win the “whole fudging thing” to which Jericho pounces all over, asking him “what are you, nine?”
Jericho goes on to list his ladder match accolades, and despite Cena pointing out that he hasn’t won one. Jericho tells Cena that MITB is a serious match, and isn’t something to do for fun. He encourages Cena to stop goofing off and worry about stopping him instead of Big Show. Jericho enters himself.
Vicky comes out and sets things straight with the boys. She says there will be two MITB matches, and no one can enter themselves. Vicky gets furious at Jericho for interrupting her, to which he replies “what are you going to do Vicky, suspend me?” (Love it) Vicky announces that the MITB matches will feature only former Champions. She announces Kane, Big Show, Jericho, and Cena for the match (only 4?) She goes on to make the main event of Cena vs. Jericho.
Next up is a match featuring a former Raw main eventer. Heath Slater interrupts the intro. (Can I go on record saying that Heath Slater is becoming my favorite performer?) Slater says that he doesn’t care what Vader or Lauper or Piper thinks of him, he’s the Ruler of the World.
Enter Sycho Sid.
MATCH # 4 SYCHO SID vs. HEATH SLATER
All I can think of is, don’t go to the top rope Sid. The crowd is hot for Sid, who hoists Slater to the top, and chops him down. Slater tries for some offence, but Sid hits a leg drop and a power bomb, all without losing his gum.
Winner – SYCHO SID
I love these cameos, and I hope they do them once in a while even after Raw 1000th. How about leading up to a legends battle royal at Mania, with Heath Slater sneaking in via some loophole, and winning. All I am saying is 2013 is the year of the one man rock band…who’s with me?
The announcers direct us to WWE.Com to find out who the new Celebrity Social Media Ambassador will be (great, longer titles for me to write).
MATCH # 5 ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (Contract on a pole match)
The fans are firmly behind Ziggler, who starts off running for the contract. Del Rio stops him and hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Ziggler blocks Del Rio from the pole and hits an inziguiri. Ziggler counters a sling shot, and runs for the contract, but he’s blocked. Del Rio goes for the contract and Ziggler climbs right over top of him, but Del Rio turns the attempt into a Samoan drop. The two fight on the top and dislodge the contract, but the match continues because no one controlled it (okay). The contract becomes a hot potato with no one able to actually firmly hold it for a whole second (it’s not a piece of hot dog on the floor. The 5 second rule shouldn’t apply!), therefor the match goes on. Ricardo grabs it, but it gets knocked to the outside.
Sheamus enters and informs them that the whole match was a waste of everyone’s time, and he will face both of them in a triple threat on Friday. This would have been an interesting finish, if it had a finish. I thought it would have been a great opportunity for someone to run in and take it.
Winner – No Contest
CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan has just been added to MITB (YES!)
AJ greets Punk in the back and tells him that she will dedicate her beach battle royal match to him. Punk tells her that he would like to sit down and have a serious discussion with her. AJ responds saying that she isn’t opposed to taking things to the next level. Punk is left confused.
Mick Foley talks about his favorite Raw moment being “This is your life” (Rock edition…obviously).
MATCH # 6 DIVAS BEACH BATTLE ROYAL
Don’t ask me to name all the Divas…Rosa looks good. AJ looks great. Vicky comes out and strips down to a cougar swimsuit. Lots of Divas get spilled quickly leaving Layla, AJ and Vicky. Layla gets distracted by Beth on the outside and AJ eliminates her. Vicky thinks she gets AJ but the crazy chick comes back and with a smirk on her face she rolls Vicky to the outside for a win.
Winner – AJ
AJ celebrates with the Daniel Bryan “yes” chants.
MATCH #7 CHRIS JERICHO vs. JOHN CENA
Jericho gets in Cena’s face early, even slapping him. Cena responds with an attempted AA, but Jericho squirms out. Back from the break and Jericho has Cena in a headlock. Jericho follows it up with a dropkick and a choke on the ropes. Cena reverses a suplex, and fights his way back into control. He dodges a lionsault and hits a shoulder block, followed by a five knuckle shuffle.
Big Show comes down to the ring.
Cena gets Jericho up for the AA, but Jericho reverses that into a Walls of Jericho. Big Show hits a leg drop onto a helpless Cena, getting Jericho disqualified.
Winner – John Cena
After the match, Jericho thinks better of getting involved with Big Show (who cost him the win) and leaves Cena for him. Show hits a huge choke slam, and follows it with a “colossal clutch”.
Raw comes to a close with Show standing tall over and unconscious Cena.
I was surprised to see Big Show so prominent tonight, but I guess the experiment continues. I expect this to run its course quickly and I can only hope that Jericho wins his first ever MITB, because that would be entertaining. The AJ story seems to have a little more of an evolution, with the focus seemingly turning towards her and Punk. Let’s hope that the Title doesn’t get lost in all of this, but with him one on one against Bryan at MITB, I can almost see a swerve where AJ was with Bryan the whole time. Punk shouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for this, so hopefully they are careful with the booking. I love the surprise cameos every week and this could be a great chance for Heath Slater to shine, and bring himself all the way to the top (the top being a bunch of comedy matches with Santino). Overall I thought it was a very good show, with good in ring action and a decent build toward the PPV. I could have done without Cena’s awful promo, but to be fair this crowd seemed to be into it.
I’d love to hear your comments below, and your thoughts about how MITB is shaping up!
And now for some Odds:
Cameos this month? Ahmed Johnson 16-1 Lex Lugar 15- 1 Batista 7-1 JBL 5-1 Steamboat 5-1 Papa Shango 22-1 Katie Vick 35000 – 1
Odds that Big Show ever climbs to the top of the ladder (literal or metaphorical) 3-1
Odds that George Lucas Sues the WWE for character assassination 40-1
Odds that Cena cuts a promo during the MITB match, laughing at the match and pointing out that the tables are gimmicked and the ladders are made of aluminum 2-1
Odds that by now you even remember that Jack Swagger was on the show tonight 4-1