Raw starts out with a recap of AJ beating up Punk and Bryan with one hand, as well as the fallout of her kissing them better.
AJ comes out; wearing way too much clothing. She innocently speaks over numerous “Yes!” chants, and tells the crowd that she realizes her actions can affect the outcome of the WWE title match this Sunday. She calls out CM Punk.
Punk comes out and is all ears for AJ to explain herself. AJ brings up Punks mini intervention in which he told her to seek professional help. She says that although she believes she is in fact stable, she does appreciate the fact that Punk has shown so much compassion and concern for her. She goes on to profess her love for Punk, which starts wearing thin with the Denver crowd (probably because the air is already thin) She flat out tells Punk that he turns her on. She slowly bends down to one knee, and to a huge ovation and major concern on Punks face, she proposes to him.
Daniel Bryan runs to the ring shouting “NO!” He tells AJ that she is about to make a huge mistake, and that Punk doesn’t love her, he’s playing her. Bryan goes on to tell AJ that he’s never stopped caring about her. He goes on to dare Punk to say “I DO.” He spouts off some more corny pick-up lines to AJ and he goes on to get down on one knee and propose to her (that is a major cock-block!)
Punk calls out Bryan and asks him where his ring is. He calls Bryan a joke, and pleas to AJ to go to the back and talk about it. The two “men” (I use that term loosely) start bickering over her.
And then the lights blink as we are greeted with a familiar tone…it’s the Anonymous GM!
Cole reads on behalf of the GM and makes AJ & Punk vs. Eve & Bryan. Bryan is furious for not being on AJ’s team.
AJ calls the whole thing confusing, and says that she believes everything happens for a reason, and tonight she believes she will walk out of the arena with her future husband
Are you still with me? Good.
MATCH # 1 SHEAMUS vs. JACK SWAGGER
Swagger is done with televised intros. Sheamus is said to be less than 100% since the Del Rio beat down last week.
Sheamus dodges Swagger and hits white noise quickly -Brogue kick- squash.
Winner – Sheamus
Del Rio interrupts the celebration on the tron, and cuts a generic promo about winning the title this Sunday…wow, so exciting!
Sheamus hits Swagger with another brogue kick.
In the back, Ryder is talking to Santino, and he promotes Friday night ZACKDOWN! (Nice). Santino says that the anonymous GM is in the building and he plans on finding him (finally some closure!) He puts on a Sherlock Holmes outfit (didn’t they do this already?)
The Rock is announced for RAW 1000…this will be a great show, no doubt. It’s the ones after that I’m worried about.
MATCH # 2 TYSON KIDD & CHRISTIAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGlER & TENSAI
Nobody gets a TV intro for this one! The match started over top the Rock announcement. Ziggler trips up Christian, allowing Tensai to squash him in the corner and follow it up with a splat.
Winners – Tensai & Ziggler
After the match, Tensai beat down Kidd with a vicious power bomb onto the side apron of the ring on the outside. He follows it up with another running splat, much to Vickie’s delight (now there’s a power couple!
Cole and Lawler start arguing about who should be named the permanent GM, when Cole accidentally spills water on Lawler. Jerry starts getting hot, but the Anon GM chimes in. Cole refuses to read what he sees, so Lawler comes up to the podium, and announces Lawler vs. Cole. The GM chimes in after much bickering from Cole, and says that it’s up to the people if they would like to see the match. There will be a vote on WWE.COM (I hope it’s a NO!
Aries vs. Punk sign in the audience…nice.
MATCH # 3 BRODUS CLAY vs. DREW MCINTYRE
Don’t worry, Brodus still gets his intro…the whole 5 minutes (by the way, it’s not old yet!) Drew tries to hit an ax-handle off the top but he just bounces off of Brodus who follows up with a big splash.
Winner – Brodus Clay
In the back, Santino runs into Jericho. They do some comedy together accusing each other of being the anon GM. Santino takes off. Big Show comes in and after Jericho tries to pep talk him, Show cuts him off, saying that some of his most embarrassing moments happened when he was in Jeri-Show. He proposes to Chris to just sit in the corner and stay out of the way, in exchange for not knocking him out.
Stephanie recalls another memorable moment in which she tricked HHH into thinking she was pregnant.
MATCH # 4 CHRIS JERICHO & BIG SHOW vs. JOHN CENA & KANE
In order to win this match, John Cena must embrace the hate…oh never mind. Cena comes out first and cuts a promo about MITB. He talks about the risk and reward for the match, and fires off numerous sound bytes about the winner always going on to win the title. He puts his guarantee on stopping Big Show, and winning MITB.
The match starts with Jericho and Cena. Cena hits a bull dog, and the ring shook a few times! Big Show comes in and tries to duke it out with Cena. Cena tags in Kane. Kane, who flipped heads earlier, is working as a baby face tonight. After getting tossed to the outside he gets run over by Big Show. Cena gets back in, but Jericho and Show work together to gain control. Big Show tags in and beats on Cena at a very methodical pace. Cena fights his way out and even hits a side suplex on Show. Kane Comes in and hits a DDT. Show dodges a top rope clothesline and spears Kane. Jericho comes back in to work over Kane. Cena eventually gets the hot tag and hits his three moves. He ducks the walls of Jericho and hits the AA. Big Show pulls Cena off and gets his team Disqualified
Winners – Cena & Kane
After the match, Show tosses two ladders into the ring and proceeds to beat down Jericho and Kane. He sandwiches Jericho in the ladder and applies the colossal clutch. Cena makes the save (on Jericho!) using the ladder. Cena stands tall as Cole very astutely observes that maybe the ladder will help Cena this Sunday.
In the back, Eve wishes Punk good luck. Punk cracks a joke about her spray tan, and Eve points out that AJ is very volatile She points out that in 7 months, Punk has been overshadowed by guy like Rock, Cena and Lesnar…she tells Punk that if AJ is the one to cost him the title, it would be very emasculating.
In another part of town, Santino I lead to the Anon GM’s cell phone. Khali grabs it. After a line of questioning and no answers, Khali takes the cell phone and seemingly has no idea whose it is. So if you had Khali in your ANON GM pool, you’re still alive!
MATCH # 5 HEATH SLATER vs. SIN CARA
The winner will be the final qualifier in the World Title MITB match. If Sin Cara wins, is the MITB match going to take place in mood lighting? Sin Cara hits a nice arm drag and follows it up with hit tilt- a -whirl face plant (help me out guys, what is this called?)
Winner – Sin Cara
After the match, Slater shouts that this isn’t fair. He says he can beat any former champ. He gets Bob Backlund!
Backland starts lunging around the ring, and that gets a “you still got it” chant. Bob offers a handshake, but Slater takes the heel way out and goes on the attack. Bob slaps in the cross face chicken wing. This wasn’t a match apparently.
Cole interrupts Backlund’s celebration to show the results of the poll. 75% said they want to see Cole vs. Lawler.
Cole calls the fans hypocrites and goes on a rant as Raw fades to commercial break.
MATCH # 6 JERRY LAWLER vs. MICHAEL COLE
The two are in their street clothes. Josh Mathews & Booker T call the action. Cole tries to run, but Booker tosses him in the ring. Lawler hits an airplane spin and pins Cole. The Anon GM chimes in and says that due to Booker’s interference, he’s reversing the decision.
Winner – Michael Cole
This brings out Santino…we all know where this is going. Santino says that the Anon GM must be under the ring. The ANON GM says “No I’m not!”
Santino gets pulled under and Lawler helps pulling him out to reveal the Anon GM as none other than…Hornswoggle.
Why must every reveal in WWE be Hornswoggle?
Horny goes on to bite Santino, and kick Cole and Lawler…now we can all sleep better. Just as soon as we find out who’s behind GTV!
Cole asks Lawler if they could put it all behind them…Lawler says no.
MATCH # 7 DANIEL BRYAN & EVE vs. CM PUNK & AJ
Punk and Bryan start, duking it out in a very fast pace start. A back body drop connects for Punk, but Bryan hits some “yes” kicks. Punk hits a heel kick, and AJ tags herself in. AJ takes down Eve but gets caught by a big kick to the head and a snap mare. AJ takes a page from Bryan and Punk, hitting numerous kicks of her own. Eve goes to tag out, but Bryan leaves her hanging, allowing AJ to finish her off with the pin.
Winners – AJ & CM Punk.
Bryan tells AJ that he just proved to her that she means more to him than any match. He asks her to leave with him to go get married.
Punk tells AJ that he’s not going to blatantly use her to keep the title, and he points out that that is what Bryan is doing. He says that he doesn’t care if what he says cost him the title, but he’s not going to marry her. He tells her that he cares enough about her to tell her the truth.
AJ is in tears. She approaches Punk and slaps him hard. She goes over to Bryan who is waiting in open arms…and slaps him too.
Raw goes off the air with AJ leading the Denver crowd in a “Yes” chant, as the two Men stand in the ring in complete disbelief and confusion.
Pretty bad episode of Raw tonight, if you like seeing good in ring action. However as a go-home show I thought this was okay. I will say that I am puzzled and intrigued by the AJ angle and based on the booking so far, I would no longer say that it makes sense that she is working with Bryan all along. Although I still think that Cena will win the MITB match, it would be cool to see Kane win it and Cash in on Punk at the end of the night, with AJ in his arms (let’s face it, they would be the best pairing long term) They have done a good job keeping Punk pretty strong however, and I would much rather see Cena vs. Punk at Summerslam for the title. I like that they have painted themselves in a corner, and will be watching Sunday not only with expectations of decent in ring work, but also to see how they book their way out of this mess!
Sheamus and Del Rio continue to bore me, and I could care less about their upcoming match. I will however be very interested in the Smackdown! MITB match and I have high hopes that it will in fact produce a new top level guy.
Who are your picks for this Sunday? Let me know in the comments below! If you ask me every match is connected so I’ll either be dead on or completely wrong…I’ll switch my picks last minute and say Kane wins, Ziggler wins, Sheamus retains, and Punk retains – but Kane cashes in on Punk who’s laid out because of AJ and Kane is your new Champion and Lives mentally ever after with AJ…having said that I would look for Punk to win it back ASAP and spin off towards Cena.
Bold prediction, long odds indeed…here are some more Odds for you!
Odds that Hornswoggles two dads (Mr. McMahon & Finlay) new about his secret 55-1
Odds that Punk & Bryan are swerving AJ and end up together, and start coming out to old Billy & Chuck music 99-1
Odds that Vicky will help anyone care about Tensai 33-1
Odds that A MITB winner cashes in on Sunday 2-1
Odds that Tyson Kidd is a World or WWE Champion within 1 year 221-1
Odds that Christian wins the MITB match and shows up at TNA to cash in on Aries…and brings the title back to RAW and throws it in the garbage, where David Arquette retrieves it and Goes on Leno with it, sparking a Match between Leno and Hogan, in which Ultimate Warrior is planned to run in on but demands a bigger payday, causing Vince to fire him on the spot causing Stone Cold to run out to the ring and Stun him and his whole family only to be laid out by the Corporate Champion The Rock, allowing Hogan to grab the ill-gotten TNA title back from Arquette, until Shawn Michaels super kicks him and grabs the belt, hand’s it to Ric Flair, while telling him that he loves him…who goes on to pawn it off and treats everyone in TNA to a round of Kamikaze’s 1-1