Raw starts out with a recap of last week’s main event, and the consequences that followed. AJ names the triple threat main event (or second last) match and CM Punk is furious for being disrespected.
Alright…on to the live stuff. Wait a second! Nickelback is out! That’s the good news, the bad news is that it’s replaced by that “bright lights” song (not sure what it’s called, but it sucks).
Now Raw opens up live, and in true Vince McMahon fashion, with even more Pyro than usual.
AJ comes skipping out to the ring, wearing a sexy suit (everything she wears is sexy). She announces Orton vs. Big Show, and Daniel Bryan vs. Cena. She gets cut off by CM Punk.
Punk says that he has made a mistake. He alludes to doing something last week that he’s not proud of. He apologizes to AJ, and then goes on to suck up a bit. AJ accepts his apology. Punk goes on to claim that the triple threat match was a huge mistake of hers, and he lobby’s for her to cancel it. AJ stands her ground and says that her decision stands. Punk theorizes that AJ is trying to get back at him for rejecting her, and says that she doesn’t have it in her to be the “power crazy GM who sticks it to the guy that everyone likes” to which the crowd heavily boo (so his turn has worked!)
John Cena comes out and tells Punk that he’s become “one of those guys” (a heel?) He says that you don’t demand respect, you earn it. Cena points out that he’s won 11 world titles and he still fights every day for respect. Cena goes on to blame Punk for getting involved and causing the triple threat. He then goes on to hit on AJ and introduce himself (what a jerk, she’s been with the company for years and he only introduces himself now that she’s GM?)
Punk tries to turn it around on Cena, saying that he was providing colour commentary when he was attacked at the desk. He goes on to emphasize that he’s the champion and he won’t be disrespected by anyone. Punk tells Cena that he’s not strong enough to hit Big Show with an AA, and he did him a favour last week. The two start to bicker about who will win the match and this brings out Big Show.
Before Show can even get in the ring, AJ takes control of the situation. She tells Show and Cena to save their aggressions for their matches. After Punk complains about not having a match (which is backwards logic, but oh well) AJ tells him that he will face whoever the fans vote for. The choices are Kane, Miz, and Mysterio. So there’s basically one choice.
MATCH # 1 CM PUNK vs. REY MYSTERIO
To my credit, I wrote the above opponent during the commercial break. Rey wins the honors with 47% of the vote, which is less than I would have thought.
Punk and Mysterio start out with some mat wrestling, until Rey hits some kicks and misses a tackle, going shoulder first into the post. Punk applies a body scissors as the announcers do a really good job highlighting the title and its entire lineage. Mysterio dropkicks Punk off the top rope and hits a seated senton off the apron. After the break, the two are fighting off the top rope, and Punk hits a superplex. Rey battles out of another submission and hits a senton for a near fall. He fights out of the GTS and hits a 619. Rey follows with the splash but Punk gets hit feet up and then hits the GTS for the win.
Winner- CM Punk
In the back, Alberto Del Rio is parking his Ferrari in his own personal parking spot. (Expect Sheamus and some cement)
A promo for Wade Barrett airs, showing him winning a bare knuckle fight, and claiming that his barrage has just begun. I forgot all about him, but I think he’s got some very big years ahead!
AJ runs into ADR, who sucks up to her and tells her that she’s much better than Booker T and wouldn’t force him to compete. She says that she has nothing scheduled for him, so he’s off the hook. That is until he calls her the “C” word (crazy) and she snaps. She puts him in the next match.
MATCH # 2 ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. CHRISTIAN
Ricardo has to rush out and introduce Del Rio, whom is undressing on his way to the ring (apparently he wears his tights under his dress clothes.) They recap a month ago, where Sheamus gets rammed with the hood of ADR’s car (gee I wonder why they are recapping that?!)
Del Rio viciously attacks Christian’s arm, even before he can start that annoying slow clap that he does. Christian fights back and hits a cross body. There’s the slow clap! Del Rio breaks that up with some kicks, but misses off the top rope. Christian goes for the spear, but ADR hits a super kick. Ricardo distracts the ref, and Del Rio uses hit boot to attack Christian and follows up with the cross arm breaker for the tap out.
Winner – Alberto Del Rio
In the back, Sheamus gets ADR’s attention. Guess what, he’s with Alberto’s car. Sheamus says that he’s going to class himself up starting with the car he drives. He says that Ricardo left the keys in it, and he’s just going to take it for a spit around San Antonio. He drives off, as Del Rio and Ricardo are left panicking.
MATCH # 3 RANDY ORTON vs. BIG SHOW
The two start out slugging, with Orton hitting several shots before Show stops him with a sidewalk slam and a stomp. Show follows up with a head-butt and an elbow, and then he locks in a headlock. Orton fights out and hits several clotheslines and a dropkick to finally knock Show off his feet. He sets up for the RKO, but gets choke slammed instead. Orton kicks out and hangs Show on the rope, only to get knocked out of the ring. Big Show brings him back in and attempts another choke slam, but instead he knocks Orton out of the ring again. The two fight on the outside, and Show hits a massive spear. However, the count reaches 10 and both men are counted out.
Winner – No contest (double count out)
After the match, Show goes for a K.O. punch, but Orton ducks it and hits an RKO.
MATCH # 4 RYBACK vs. TYLER REKS & CURT HAWKINS
An insert promo shows Ryback talking about the WWE being like the food chain…whatever.
Ryback hits Reks with a body slam. Hawkins gets a big boot. But Reks uses a distraction to get a few big boots of his own in. The team hit a tandem suplex and Hawkins almost gets a one count! Reks tries to trip up Ryback, but he backflips Hawkins all the way over the top rope onto Reks and drags him back in for a big clothesline and his marching slam for the win.
Winner – Ryback
Next up, is AW blabbing on about his useless promotion company and his somewhat useful team. Both teams are in the ring already, which is odd.
MATCH # 5 PRIMETIME PLAYERS vs. PRIMO & EPICHO
PTP controls the match early on, working over Primo. Titus hits a backwards slam and then tags in Darren at the request of AW. Darren hits a scoop slam and then AW says that Darren Young is like Mother Theresa, he can do no wrong. To which King replies “that’s better” (I laughed). Epicho gets a hot tag and hits several back suplexes. AW calls his team to retreat, but the Tag Champs music hits, causing a distraction. Epicho hits a backstabber in the ring, using the distraction to the fullest advantage and pinning Darren Young.
Winners – PRIMO & EPICHO
A recap of last Monday shows Damien Sandow taking out Brodus Clay. In the back, Sandow tells Josh that it is his job to rid the WWE of all its foolishness. He uses some big words and then promises to dispose of Brodus Clay tonight.
Brodus comes out for his match, but Sandow attacks him on the ramp, from behind. He smashes Clay’s knee on the steel and continues his assault, leaving Clay immobile and in severe pain.
In the back, AJ is contemplating something. The camera pans to reveal Daniel Bryan. AJ tells him that he has anger management issues. Bryan claims that he’s calm, and he agrees with her decision for him to face Cena, saying that he’ll have to be added to the main event at Summerslam. AJ informs him that he’s got a match with Kane that night. Bryan and her trade “YES!” and “NO!” chants, with AJ getting in the last word.
MATCH # 6 KELLY KELLY vs. EVE
I don’t care what anyone says, I love seeing Kelly. Eve teases walking out, but Kelly attacks her and hits a Lou Thesz press. She hits her back flip into the corner and the skankface. Kelly hits a cross body off the top for two. Eve gets the upper hand after countering a tilt a whirl, but Kelly comes back and wins it with a roll up.
Winner – Kelly Kelly
An update on Sheamus, apparently he’s touting his joyride…which is a great idea. I’m going to turn off Raw right now and go look up his touts.
Next up is the one and only Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. He gets a great ovation, as expected. Cole and Lawler are both standing for him as well. Shawn cracks some jokes about being out of shape, and goes on to thank the WWE Universe for allowing him to be part of history, citing the reunion of DX. He says that when he heard that Raw was coming to his hometown, he had to be a part of the show. He says that when he walked in, there were a lot of new faces, but they are all talking about HHH vs. Lesnar.
Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, much to the concern of Jerry Lawler. Heyman says that Shawn is the greatest entertainer in the history of WWE, but Brock isn’t interested in entertaining. He says that Brocks match with HHH will be an all-out fight.
Shawn tells Paul that he’s not here to dispute the attributes of Lesnar. Shawn says that any other time, with any other guy, Lesnar would be the man. Shawn says that HHH has turned into a whole other man. Shawn tells Lesnar that he believes that HHH will win, and Shawn will be in Hunters corner at Summerslam.
Heyman tells Shawn that HHH’s carrier will end at Summerslam. Brock grabs the mic and tells Shawn that the only reason he thinks HHH can beat him, is because he’s never been in the ring with him. Brock advances on HBK, but HHH comes out. Shawn and HHH stand together and face Brock. Brock tells Hunter that he’ll see him at Summerslam, and he tells Shawn that he’ll see him before then. Brock leaves as the two friends stand together in the ring.
An update on Sheamus shows a grainy video on Cole’s computer. Sheamus is at the Alamo and he’ singing…I hate tout.
MATCH # 7 DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. ALEX RILEY
Chris Jericho is on commentary, calling Cole a goof. He takes exception to some comparisons between him and Ziggler, saying that he’s got 22 years of experience. Jericho calls Ziggler a great competitor, and makes fun of his shirt (which he’s wearing) Jericho runs down his accolades, and says that his losses this year have lit a fire in him. Nothing is going on in the ring…just a bunch of punches. Okay back to Jericho. Jericho calls Ziggler the future, but says that he’s the present.
Ziggler hits Riley with a neck breaker and does some showing off, even stealing Jericho’s cocky pin. Jericho films Ziggler and Touts it…this distraction allows Riley to get a roll up and pin Ziggler!
Winner – Alex Riley
Jericho is on fire here, saying that Ziggler can’t win the “little one” and that Riley hasn’t won a match since Methuselah was alive.
Another tout shows Sheamus spilling food in Del Rio’s car…it’s not cement, but it’ll have to do.
MATCH # 8 KANE vs. MIZ
Miz hits a DDT, and takes the fight to Kane. After several shots in the corner, Miz takes out Kane’s Knee. Kane comes back with a throat thrust and a power slam. Miz counters a corner attack, but Kane hits snake eyes and a choke slam for the win.
Winner – Kane
In the back, Sheamus has returned with ADR’s car. There is food and rust all over it, and smoke coming from the hood.
Del Rio blames Ricardo for the damage, and orders him to clean the mess.
MATCH # 9 DANIEL BRYAN vs. JOHN CENA
Bryan works the crowd, chanting “NO” and putting himself on tilt. Cena delivers some headlock takedowns, and the crowd gets very hot for Cena. Bryan ducks out of the ring and catches Cena on the apron with a dropkick. He hits a running knee off the apron and gets in the face of a random fan. Cena fights out of Bryans kicks with a back drop. Cena hits his shoulder blocks followed by a side slam and a five knuckle shuffle. Bryan reverses the AA and applies a guillotine. Cena fights out of it but Bryan stays on him with a kick to the head. Bryan hits an awesome head butt from the top, covering ¾ of the ring. Cena kicks out however and absorbs some more kicks before ducking one and slapping on the STF. Bryan reverses it and attempts the “NO LOCK” but Cena powers out and pick up Bryan and hits the AA for the win.
Winner – John Cena
CM Punk comes out to greet Cena in the ring. He hoists the title in the air and stares Cena in the face. Cena sees Big Show on his way out, and he shoves Punk out of the way to go after him. Cena hoists Show up for the AA, but Punk pushes Show over, causing both men to fall.
Punk grabs the headset at says that maybe he’s allowed himself to be disrespected for too long. He’s fired up and goes on to say that he’s tired of playing nice and putting on a smile. He says that Raw will end yet again as it should, with the WWE Champion standing tall. Punk goes back in the ring and attempts a kick on Show but, he catches it and KO’s Punk. Show then hit a KO punch to Cena and grabs the title.
Raw comes to a close with Punk and Cena unconscious, and Big Show standing tall.
Overall I would say that this was an okay episode of Raw that featured a decent amount of in ring action. Storyline wise, this was a very safe episode, with not a lot of development. Lesnar teased getting to HBK, but it looks like we will have to wait a week. Heyman was brilliant as always. I can only assume that HBK would have gotten his moment after the show went off the air, and for tonight they left him standing tall. Punk and Jericho were both good in their speaking rolls, and both characters continue to enjoy a fresh reboot. I am very much over Big Show in the main event, and to be honest I am ready to see the next step for guys like Ryback, Sandow, and Ziggler. Any show that doesn’t include Tensai or Swagger is just not a complete show however! Over all, I am still luke warm to the entire Summerslam card, and at this point, a lot has to come together next week to make me interested in the PPV.
That’s it for this week; I will be out of town next week. As always I love to hear predictions and other opinions regarding Raw. Thanks for reading, and I hope to chat again in a couple weeks!
And now for some Odds!
Least selling WWE merch? Big Show toque 4-1 Little Jimmy’s wristband 2-1 (he’s invisible) AW’s guide to analogies 1-1 Ryback brand Visine 3-1
Over under on next Raw win for Riley 14.5 weeks
Odds that AJ and Cena hook up in an angle 7-1
Odds that they do for real – Better
Over Under on how many Touts are done by WWE talent this year- 9000
Over Under on how many of them I see 2.5
Will Barrett come back as a… face 1.90 Heel 2.10
Odds that HBK takes an F5 next week 3-1
That’s all I can lay on you for now…as for me – Viva Las Vegas! Have a great couple weeks and see you after Summerslam!