The Fight Network

We open this week's episode of Impact with a music video recapping Mister Anderson's babyface turn, and Sting's recent attempts to screw with the mind of Rob Van Dam. The title of tonight's show is apparently Smoke and Mirrors. Tonight we'll see Jay Lethal, Kazarian and AJ Styles square off in a three-way match. That announcement is followed by a few quick clips showing the recent tension between Styles and Ric Flair, as well as Anderson and Jeff Hardy's newfound mutual respect.

Sting heads out to the ring to address the crowd, to a "Why, Sting, Why?" chant that's so tepid, it might well have been carried out by a half dozen production assistants hiding amongst the fans. Sting immediately namedrops the show title, saying that not everything is as it seems in TNA, the company is filled with smoke and mirrors and everything's gone Hollywood- no pun intended (or so he says). Sting says that what seems to be black is white and vice versa. He says that he's been in this place before, where he was labelled the antagonist. Even with his name and his word on the line Sting says that it won't do any good to offer an explanation for his actions, nor does he owe one to anyone.

Sting assures us that that there is meaning behind his actions and all will be known to everyone involved (read- the writing team has no idea where they were going with his turn, and finally said just said "fuck it"). Sting says that he doesn't know RVD very well, and there are no hard feeling on his part, but RVD is in the way. Sting promises that when he takes RVD's World Heavyweight Title at Slammiversary next Sunday, the veil will be pulled back and everyone's true colors will be revealed.

Sting is cut off by a video package showing his recent assaults on Jeff Jarrett, RVD and Eric Bischoff. Bischoff comes out leaning on a crutch, with Miss Tessmacher at his side. Bischoff says that for all his talk about smoke and mirrors, we just saw Sting's own true colors in the video. Bischoff says that he's known Sting for almost twenty years, and it hurts to say that Sting isn't the man he thought he knew. He calls says that Sting has been trying to convince people that he's a superhero for so long that he's begun to believe it himself. Bischoff calls Sting a fraud, who hides behind a mask and up in the rafters to avoid the truth, which is that a hero wouldn't use a baseball bat, and he wouldn't attack a women that gave him a second opportunity at having a career.

Bischoff says that Sting's problems have nothing to do with TNA, or with himself and Hogan, Sting is his own problem. Bischoff claims that Sting has put himself before the company and its talent, something Bischoff and Hogan would never do (snicker). Bischoff says that he puts the fans first, and since they want to see Sting in action tonight, he's got a match right here and right now- and his opponent is standing right behind him!

Sting whirls around to find himself face-to-face with none other than Samoa Joe. Joe grabs Sting and rams him hard into the turnbuckle, then starts peppering him with snap jabs as a referee runs down to the ring. Joe stomps at Sting in the corner, the chokes Sting with his bare hands. Matt Morgan runs out and attacks Joe from behind- I'm not sure if the bell ever rang, but either way the match is pretty clearly off now. Morgan chokes Joe with his foot and Sting gets in a few cheap kicks before RVD's music starts to play. Van Dam runs down to the ring, ducks a Clothesline from Morgan and nails the big man with a Running Spinning Wheel Kick that sends him to the apron. RVD drops Morgan to the floor with a Diving Thrust Kick, as Sting retreats.

Bischoff comes back out and says that the match is rescheduled for the main event, and now it's going to be a tag team match with Morgan and RVD added to the mix. RVD cuts Bischoff off and suggests making the match a four-way instead. Bischoff likes the idea, but says he needs to confer with Hulk Hogan before he can book it. With that though, the Hulkster comes out to join Bischoff on the stage. Hogan says that since RVD won the TNA World Heavyweight Title, he's raised the bar sky high. Hogan says that as champion, RVD gets some stroke in the company, which for tonight translates into him getting his way- the four-way match is the new main event.

[commercial break]

Backstage, Christy Hemme is with AJ Styles, and the Phenomenal One is royally pissed off. Styles complains that he just found out about his three-way match tonight. Ric Flair comes in and Styles demands to know why Flair didn't tell him he had a match, but Flair retorts that he's not Styles' secretary. Kazarian comes in next and immediately thanks Flair from the bottom of his heart for showing that he has faith in him. Kazarian promises to make Flair proud tonight, and Flair predicts that tonight is going to be the end of Jay Lethal. Flair and Kazarian go to leave together, once again treating Styles as an afterthought. On their way out, Kaz thanks Flair for the brand new Rolex watch he gave him. Styles is left with his mouth agape, at a loss for words.

Rosie Lotta Love vs. Roxxi

Rosie is making her on-screen debut tonight, though a few quick clips air of her untelevised tryout match from a few weeks ago, in which she managed to injure Daffney and somehow still get hired. Rosie is dressed like a burlesque dancer, and in case it weren't obvious her name comes from the fact that there's a whole lot of her. As she walks out, the camera cuts to a few obvious plants in the audience who look shocked and scandalized by her attire.

As the bell rings, Rosie backs her much smaller opponent into the corner, but Roxxi slips behind her and applies a side headlock. Rosie shoves her off into the ropes and catches her coming in with a Standing Body Avalanche. She follows up with a Scoop Slam, then goes for the Samoan Wrecking Ball (a la Umaga), but Roxxi dodges out of the way. Roxxi comes back with a series of forearms and a Dropkick, but can't get Rosie off her feet. Roxxi goes to hit the ropes, but apparently Madison Rain snuck out to ringside, because she nails Roxxi in the back with her Knockouts Championship belt. Rain yells at Rosie to pin Roxxi, but the novice knockout hesitates. When she does turn her attention back to Roxxi, Rosie walks right into a Small Package, allowing Roxxie to pick up the win.

Winner- Roxxi by pinfall.

After the match, Rain berates Rosie, and jabs her finger into the new Knockout's chest. Rosie responds by grabbing Rain by the throat and nailing her with a Two Handed Chokeslam. Rosie starts to head to the back, but Jeremy Borash catches up to her on the entrance ramp for a fast interview. Rosie says that the Beautiful People seem to think they can go around attacking every so-called ugly person they see fit, but she's big, bad and beautiful, and will take out every member of the BPs herself. She drops the inevitable "Whole Lotta Rosie" reference, then gives Borash a huge kiss, leaving him dazed and confused with lipstick smeared on his face.

[commercial break]

AJ Styles (with Ric Flair) vs. Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal

Flair comes out to the ring with Styles, but they're still arguing. Kazarian and Styles start bickering as soon as the bell rings, and Styles leaves the ring to take a powder. Lethal quickly rolls Kazarian up with a Schoolboy, but Kaz kicks out. Lethal hits Kazarian with a Running Cross Body and hits his signature Hip Toss and Cartwheel, but before he can follow up with his usual Dropkick, Styles runs in and levels Lethal with a Clothesline. Styles yells at Flair that "this is how it's done", but then misses a charge in the corner. Lethal takes it to Styles with a series of right hands, then slides through his legs and hits a Headscissor Takeover. Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination on Styles, but halfway through catches a Dropkick from Kazarian. The heels argue some more, both trying to impress Flair. Lethal escapes an attempted Back Suplex from Kazarian and hits a combination Bulldog/Inverted Bulldog on the heels. Styles flips Lethal onto the apron, but gets caught with a shoulder to the gut.

Lethal goes for a springboard manoeuvre, but Kazarian shoves Styles out of the way and catches Lethal in mid air with a Cutter for two. The heels try to one up each other as Styles punishes Lethal with a Pendulum Backbreaker, and Kaz follows up with a Falling Hip Toss. They go for a double team move, but can't agree on what to do, allowing Lethal to elbow his way out and deliver a Dropkick to Styles. Styles catches Lethal with a Kip Up Headscissors Takeover, then assures Flair that he's got this. Styles and Kazarian agree to go for a Double Suplex, but Kazarian is thinking Back and Styles Vertical, so they break down into another argument (Kaz blames Styles' poor communication skills). Styles rams Lethal into the turnbuckle and explicitly explains to Kazarian that he's going to go for a springboard manoeuvre. As AJ hops onto the ropes though, Kaz casually leans back onto them, and Styles crashes to the mat. Lethal quickly shoves Styles into Kazarian in the corner, then rolls Styles up for the pin. Good match.

Winner- Jay Lethal over AJ Styles by pinfall.

As Lethal celebrates with the front row, Flair is incredulous. Styles and Kazarian are blaming one another for the loss. Flair takes his anger out on Styles, saying that he gave him the gift of making him his protégé, and Styles repaid him by losing to Lethal. Flair says that Styles lost his World Heavyweight Championship, and since then he's been confused and unfocused. He orders Styles to leave the ring and go home, to regroup and decide what he wants to be, because right now he's not in Flair's good graces. Styles is furious and still trying to blame Kazarian, but finally grudgingly leaves the ring. As Styles approaches the top of the stage, Kurt Angle emerges from his entrance lift and stares Styles down. After a moment, Styles says that he doesn't need this right now and walks past Angle to the back. Angle heads down to the ring as we go to break.

[commercial break]

When we come back, Angle is in the ring, face to face with Flair and Kazarian. Angle says that he's here to show Kaz the proper respect before making him his first victim. Angle says he likes his opponent to know what he's going to do to them before they step into the ring together. Angle reminds us that when he gave up his spot in the Rankings System, he told Hulk Hogan he wanted to start from the ground up in his quest to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Unfortunately for Kazarian, he earned the number ten spot on the list, which means that Angle's going to start with him, in a match at Slammiversary.

Flair cuts Angle off and asks him if he realized that he walked right by Flair without even acknowledging him. Flair says that he and Angle have a lot of history together, and it's good- when Angle first started out in professional wrestling, Flair had told him that he wanted his youngest son Reid to be just like Angle, and become the best amateur wrestler in the country. Flair says that he had put his then twelve year old son on the phone with Angle and told Angle to make him a man, and Angle was glad to help. Flair says that he and his son respect Angle, and says that no amateur wrestler has caught on in pro wrestling so quickly, or become so great. Tonight though, Flair says he doesn't feel Angle understands that this isn't amateur wrestling anymore, it's Flair's world.

Flair says that for everything Angle was in amateur wrestling, Flair is ten times that as a pro. He says that in the eyes of the fans and every other wrestler around the world, Flair is God. Flair says that his gold medals are his Hall of Fame ring and his gold Rolex. He says he needs to feel the same respect from Angle that he gets from Shawn Michaels, Hogan and Sting. He jokes that he's been a world champion more times than Angle has slept with a different woman. Flair orders Angle to leave the ring, and warns him not to make Flair take off his sports jacket, whoo!

After a moment of tension, Angle goes to leave, but Flair stops him and says he has a better idea. He says he wants to show the fans where Angle is in his world, so he'll leave first, and Angle can hold the ropes apart for him. Flair says that then maybe they'll be on the same page, because Angle will have shown how much respect he has for Flair, and how much respect Angle himself will attain in months to come. Angle hesitantly holds the ropes apart and Flair steps through, but Angle follows him out and throws Flair off the entrance ramp to the floor below. Kazarian immediately attacks Angle from behind, laying into him with punches before tossing him back into the ring, but Angle fires back and forces Kazarian to retreat. Flair is furious, and tosses his jacket at Angle, but Angle catches it and throws it right back. Flair is spitting mad, ranting and raving.

Backstage, Matt Morgan approaches Sting and proposes that they act somewhat like a team tonight to take out Rob Van Dam and Samoa Joe, and after that let the chips fall where they may. Sting walks off without answering.

[commercial break]

In the parking lot, AJ Styles is having a temper tantrum. He decides that to win back Flair's favour, he's going to kill Jay Lethal, and marches off to find Eric Bischoff to demand he make that match for Slammiversary.

Next up we get a video package recapping Mister Anderson's babyface turn. In the ring, Christy Hemme is preparing to interview Anderson, why reportedly has a major announcement about Slammiversary. Anderson comes out and says that he isn't here for a Katie Couric style interview, because he's too distracted (which he says as he starts staring down Hemme's shirt). Hemme shoves his head back up to eye level, but he just starts checking out her ass instead. Anderson insists that he's not a chauvinist, or a pig- he's just an asshole (which is echoed by the crowd). He says that the fans are like the pots calling the kettle black though, because they're all begging for a wardrobe malfunction to happen, so they're all assholes too. Anderson's announcement is that Beer Money needed opponents for Slammiversary, so he's stepped up to the plate. He can't do it alone though, so he announces his new tag team partner- Jeffrey Freaking Nero Hardy!

Hardy makes his down to the ring to join his new partner. He says he knows the fans are probably asking why he would team up with Anderson, but it's simple enough- the way Anderson talks and moves, he's the funniest asshole Hardy has ever met. More importantly, Anderson is also the second craziest SOB in TNA, after Hardy himself. Hardy says there's going to be a party at Slammiverysary and all the Creatures of the Night are invited (though Anderson quickly adds that he's a cheap asshole, so that party is BYOB). It bears noting that Anderson is actually getting a bigger reaction than Hardy (except among the usual girls and small kids), though he's still getting the odd boo here or there.

The festivities are cut off by the arrival of Beer Money, who come out to face their upcoming opponents. Mike Tenay informs us that Hardy and Anderson will each face a member of Beer Money tonight in singles action. Robert Roode says that he thinks it's cute that TNA has  a new pair of BFFs. Tonight is a night of many acronyms.  Roode asks what either Anderson or Hardy knows about tag team wrestling. He acknowledges that Jeff teamed with his brother "for a cup of tea", but that unnamed brother carried Jeff, and the sucked anyways. He says that tag team wrestling isn't about looking good or being cool, or about being friends in and out of the ring. It's more than that- it's about being like brothers, like himself and James Storm, and putting egos aside and agreeing that the team comes first. Roode calls Hardy and Anderson a mismatch- a moron and an asshole, who go together like oil and water, Jekyll and Hyde, or Lacey Von Erich and that perverted little midget last week.

Anderson answers by asking the burning question- why is Roode's hair always wet? And why does "quick draw" James Storm wear sunglasses inside? Anderson says that the only people who wear shades indoors are blind people and jack-offs (which Taz takes exception to). Storm pretends to laugh, then shows Anderson his own style of stand up, in the form of a cheap shot with the mic. Both teams get into a pull apart brawl (and a good one at that- these guys have been watching Daniel Bryan clips from NXT).

[commercial break]

Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm

When we return, Hardy and Storm are still brawling at ringside, though their respective partners have disappeared to the back. The announcers remind us that Storm threw a fireball into Hardy's face a few months ago which I had already forgotten, since it got almost no follow up and ultimately meant nothing. Hardy nails Storm with a Clothesline on the outside, then pulls aside the protective mats and hits Storm with a Hip Toss onto the exposed concrete. Hardy tosses Storm into the ring, and the bell rings to officially start the match. Rood catches Hardy coming in through the ropes with a kick to the chest, followed by a Rope Hung DDT for two. Storm pulls off his shirt and uses it to choke Hardy, then drapes Hardy over the bottom rope and stands on his back. With Hardy still on the ropes, Storm slips out of the ring and nails him with a Yakuza Kick to the side of the head.

Storm comes back in and makes a cocky cover, but Hardy kicks out at two. Storm applies a Side Chinlock, then scores another near fall off a Jawbreaker/Lifting Side Slam combination. Storm brings a chair into the ring, but the referee takes it away, only to place it in the corner of the ring where it's still easily accessible. Silly referee. Hardy slips behind Storm and catches him with a Sit Out Jawbreaker. The two trade punches until Hardy hits a Twisting Clothesline, followed by a big back elbow in the corner. Hardy sets up the chair and uses it to hit Storm with a one-man Poetry in Motion for two. He stalks Storm for the Twist of Fate, but Storm escapes, only to get caught by a Gordbuster. Hardy heads up to the top rope, but Storm knocks his legs out from under him, crotching Hardy on the ropes.

Storm tries to follow up with a Frankensteiner, but Hardy blocks it by holding on to the top rope. Hardy nails Storm with a Corkscrew Senton for two. Storm grabs onto the bottom rope and Hardy is backed away by the referee, allowing Storm to take a swig of beer from a bottle he left on the entrance ramp. Storm spits the beer into Hardy's eyes and hits him with the Eye of the Storm, but Hardy kicks out at two. Storm grabs the chair and after threatening the ref, takes a swing at Hardy, but he connects with the top rope instead and the chair rebounds back into his own face. Hardy capitalizes on Storm's mistake by hitting him with the Twist of Fate, followed by the Swanton Bomb for the pin. Another good match.

Winner- Jeff Hardy by pinfall.

[commercial break]

Robert Roode vs. Mister Anderson

We go right into this match coming back from the break. This really should have been spaced out better on the card, it feels like we've been watching the same four people for a half hour now.

They tie up and Roode powers Anderson into the corner, but Anderson ducks a cheap shot and nails Roode with a right hand. Roode applies a Side Headlock followed by a Shoulder Block, but Anderson comes back with a series of snap jabs. Anderson uses a Side Headlock and a Shoulder Block of his own, then stands on Roode's back to mess with him a bit. Roode fires back with right hands, but Anderson trips him into the ropes and hits a low Running Back Elbow to his back, then rolls Roode up with a Schoolboy for two. Roode slips out of the ring and lures Anderson into chasing him back in, then shoves the referee aside and kicks the middle rope into Anderson's crotch as he tries to re-enter the ring. Roode keeps the pressure on with a Neckbreaker, then rakes his nails down Anderson's back. The crowd is loudly behind Anderson.

Roode hits Anderson with a Snapmare and a Rolling Neck Snap, Curt Hennig style. Roode chokes Anderson on the bottom rope, then plants his boot on Anderson's throat. Roode hits another Snapmare and applies a Neck Vice, but Anderson fights to his feet and punches his way out. Roode escapes the Mic Check, but gets hit by a Back Body Drop. Anderson hoists Roode up into a Fireman's Carry position, but Roode rakes his eyes to escape, and hits a Running Clothesline in the corner. A second charge is met by Anderson's boots, and Anderson manages to both a Diving Sunset Flip by overshooting Roode (though he recovers fast by scooting back into position). Roode blocks the move by sitting out, and grabs the ropes for leverage for the cheap win.

Winner- Robert Roode by pinfall.

Roode retreats up the ramp after the match, his eyes locked with Anderson's the whole way. Summoning his magic microphone, Anderson says that any man can be beaten on any given day, and tonight he was beaten again, by Roode no less. He points out though that the only way people seem to be able to beat him is by using underhanded chicanery and tomfoolery. He says the reason why is that he's no mere mortal, he's MISTER ANDERSON... ANDERSON. Roode yells back that all Anderson does it talk.

Backstage, Douglas Williams is in the locker room. He says that what the X Division represents right now does professional wrestling a disservice. He says that where he comes from in the UK, the wrestling art form is about manipulating limbs, tying your opponent down and wrapping them up on the mat, not flipping around like a maniac. He says that as long as he holds the TNA X Division Championship, he's going to educate his opponents, who are only interested in getting themselves over with flashy moves. Williams advises his challenges to learn the art of holds and counter holds if they ever hope to take away his belt.

There's a shot of Abyss and Rob Terry heading towards the ring with Chelsea in tow as we go to break.

[commercial break]

Coming back, we get a commercial for Slammiversary based around the main event match between Sting and Rob Van Dam. After that, there's a second video package recapping the angles leading into the following tag match.

Desmond Wolfe and Orlando Jordan vs. Abyss and Rob Terry (with Chelsea)

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong, can you tell which guy can actually wrestle, by the time I finish this song?

Jordan comes out wearing Terry pasties, and carrying a Shake Weight (which for the uninitiated is a device notorious for strengthening your arm muscles by making it look like you're whacking off a big steel dildo). As the match starts, Mike Tenay tells us that for filing a false police report more or less accusing Abyss of being a rapist a few weeks ago, then assaulting him with a deadly weapon a week later, Wolfe and Chelsea have been given probation and community service.

Abyss and Wolfe circle each other to start, but Jordan quickly hits Abyss' still injured arm with his Shaker. Wolfe goes after the arm with some hard elbows before tagging in Jordan, who hits Abyss' arm with a Diving Axe Handle off the top rope. Jordan delivers a few elbows of his own and applies a Standing Armbar, but Abyss elbows him down and hits him with a Body Avalanche in the corner, then tosses Jordan out of the ring. Jordan lands at Chelsea's feet and starts to make a pass at her, but gets slapped across the face. Wolfe runs over and yells at Jordan for looking at his girl, and at Chelsea for slapping him. Wolfe has a funny line about not being sure if Jordan is interested in her or himself. Abyss comes out from behind and throws Wolfe into the guardrail, as Jordan climbs up onto the apron. Terry meets Jordan and Hip Tosses him into the ring, then immediately plants him with the Freakbuster for the win. This was barely a match, but at least it did a good job of protecting everyone who needed it.

Winners- Abyss and Rob Terry (Terry over Orlando Jordan via pinfall).

Next up is a video recapping the Jesse Neal/Brother Ray feud. It's mostly the same footage we've seen week after week, but this time there are also a few new sound bites from Brother Devon. He says that he sees Neal as someone who's eager to make a name for himself. He says that Ray has been taking things a little crazy, because as he sees it Neal is just doing the things they taught him to do. Devon says that he's just going to have to stay in between them, because otherwise this is going to turn into an ugly war, one that he doesn't want to get caught up in.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam (Non-Title Four-Way Match)

As everyone makes their way out for the main event, we're shown clips of Sting taking out Jeff Jarrett at Sacrifice, and Joe costing Morgan the World Tag Team Championships last month.

The action starts with Joe pairing off with Morgan in the ring, while RVD and Sting go at it on the outside. Joe nails Morgan with a big back elbow in the corner, followed by a Jumping Enzuigiri. Outside, Sting throws RVD into side of the entrance ramp and the ring steps. He tosses RVD into the ring as Joe and Morgan head out from another side. RVD catches a kick from Sting and hits him with a Spinning Heel Kick to the back, followed by an Atomic Drop and a Clothesline. RVD nails Sting with a Superkick, sending Sting reeling to the outside. Joe comes back in and stares down the World Heavyweight Champion. They cutch each other, but before they can tie up both heels come back in and attack them. Both heels choke the faces in opposite corners, but RVD counters a Stinger Splash attempt with an elbow, and follows up with a Diving Thrust Kick and Rolling Thunder. He covers Sting, but Morgan breaks it up.

Morgan turns on Sting and hits him with a big Discus Clothesline, but Joe breaks up his cover and throws Morgan out of the ring. Joe nails Sting with a big Savate Kick and tries for a cover of his own, but Morgan scrambles back into the ring to make the save. Morgan hits Joe with a Body Avalanche in the corner, followed by a Sidewalk Slam. He catches a Running Cross Body from RVD and plants him with a Swinging Sideslam. Morgan forces RVD into the corner and nails him with a series of alternating back elbow strikes, but stops when he sees a familiar face in the crowd- the camera catches a quick flash of what looks like Hernandez standing in the upper deck. With Morgan distracted, Joe nails him with a kick from behind, followed by the Muscle Buster. Before he can finish Morgan off, Joe turns around into a Diving Thrust Kick from RVD, who pins Morgan himself after a Five Star Frog Splash.

Winner- Rob Van Dam over Matt Morgan by pinfall.

After the match, Sting just walks to the back, having had no part in the finish. Joe is pissed off that RVD stole his win, and the show ends with him and RVD nose to nose.

*****

Final Thoughts- This was a good episode of Impact, far above the average we've seen lately. Other than the opening women's match and  the tag match (which was at least short), the quality of wrestling ranged from good to excellent. I loved the dynamic of the three-way match, the chemistry that AJ Styles and Kazarian have together as rivals for Ric Flair's attention is off the charts. All the matches announced tonight for Slammiversary are ones I want to see- I'm really looking forward to a TNA pay per view for the first time in months.

The only real lowlight for this week's show was the inauspicious start for Rosie Lotta Love. I can't fathom why they would hire someone that hurts their opponents in their tryout match, especially since Rosie is simply way too green to be on TV. TNA clearly wants a power wrestler for the Knockouts division to fill the hole left by Awesome Kong's departure, but as it stands right now, Rosie just isn't up to the job. They might both be big girls, but Rosie is slow as molasses, and sloppy as all hell- the difference between Kong and Rosie is like comparing Samoa Joe to Big Daddy V. Hopefully Rosie turns things around- almost everyone has the odd bad match here or there- but if things don't change, I can't see her being any kind of asset to the company, as the novelty of a half-naked big girl will quickly disappear, if it hasn't already.