The Fight Network

So, funny story. Thursday night, I was in an uncommonly good mood. I had just made some fresh pasta, I had a cold beer in hand, and I was sitting down to do my weekly review of Impact. For the first time in awhile, I was really looking forward to the show- I've been on a big wrestling high since seeing Ring of Honor live last weekend. So naturally, fifteen minutes into the show, my old TV finally died on me. Thankfully, through the miracle of illegal downloading, I've got this week's report all ready now, a day late but hopefully just a few cents short. Tonight, Jeff Jarrett gets his rematch against Sting, and we learn who gets the title shot against Rob Van Dam at Victory Road in two weeks.

We open up with a video package showing the main event last week, and Abyss going ballistic on Jeff Hardy and Mister Anderson. This week's episode of Impact is titled "Monster on the Loose". I've got to say, I was expecting it to be "Why, Abyss, Why?".

Inside the Impact Zone, Hulk Hogan makes his way out to the ring to a big pop from the crowd. Hogan puts over the fans' energy before getting down to the business at hand. He announces that at Victory Road, RVD will defend the TNA World Heavyweight Championship in a four-way match against Abyss, Anderson and Hardy. Of all the months to do a four-way, why choose to so less than a month after WWE does a show based around that very match type? It's asinine. Before Hogan can go on, Abyss comes down to the ring, to his old pre-Hogan theme song. Hogan says that it's good to see Abyss, because he was just going to start talking about him. Hogan says that Abyss was the first person he got behind when he and Eric Bischoff came to TNA. He says that Abyss was his shining star, and Hogan gladly handed his career over to him. Hogan asks Abyss why he took a sharp left turn last week, where he's going with this.

Abyss says that he doesn't think Hogan or anyone else realizes the seriousness of what's going on. He says that what he did last week, and will continue to do, is happening for one reason- "They" told him to. Abyss says that "They" told him to break Hardy in two, "They" told him to destroy everything that gets in his path, and "They" are coming, and will be here sooner than Hogan thinks. Abyss promises that when "They" get to TNA, there's nothing that Hogan, Bischoff or Dixie Carter can do to stop them. Hogan tells Abyss to cut the crap, because this is between the two of them. He says that he made a deal with Abyss, told him what he needed to do to take his game to the next level, and Abyss gave his word that they were on the same side. Hogan demands to know who "They" are, but Abyss says that their identity is for him alone to know, everyone else will find out soon enough. Abyss says that he doesn't need Hogan anymore, he doesn't need his red and yellow clothes, and most of all he doesn't need Hogan's garbage ring.

Abyss suddenly grabs Hogan by the neck, pulls off Hogan's Hall of Fame ring and tries to ram it down Hogan's throat. Abyss chokes out Hogan in the corner, then pulls out his bag of glass from under the ring and pours it out all over the canvas. Before Abyss can commit whatever evil deeds he has in mind, Rob Van Dam runs out to make the save, nailing the monster with a Springboard Thrust Kick off the bottom rope. RVD goes for the ten punch, but Abyss reverses with a crushing Powerbomb. Abyss turns his attention back to the still-recovering Hogan but now Anderson runs out with a chair in hand. Anderson hits Abyss with a few shots to the back, but can't get the big man down. Finally, he bails out, pulling Hogan and RVD to safety. As the babyfaces retreat to lick their wounds, Abyss screams into the camera that "They're Coming!". Obviously, we don't find out who "They" are yet, but since we know that there ain't no stopping them, I'm pulling for Shelton Benjamin to be involved somehow.

[commercial break]

When we return, Hogan is back in his office with Bischoff. Hogan says that he gave Abyss everything, and feels like he's been shot in the chest. Bischoff asks rhetorically if this is about money or ego, because he never saw Abyss as that kind of guy. Hogan asks him if he thinks this has anything to do with Flair, but Bischoff doesn't believe so. Bischoff tells Hogan that they just need to move on, but Hogan says no- not yet.

In the Beautiful People's locker room, Madison Rain is primping in the mirror, as Velvet Sky watches. Rain mentions that Lacey Von Erich hasn't recovered from what Angelina Love did to her last week, and jokes that at least Lacey is used to being on her back. When Velvet doesn't laugh on cue, Rain gets annoyed and snaps that this isn't about wrestling or wins or loses anymore. She says that Love is trying to take back the things she thinks the Beautiful People took from her, and if Sky doesn't get her head in the game, it's going to be her being taken out on a stretcher this week.

Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky

Before the match, we get clips of Love taking out Lacey last week. The announcers inform us that Lacey suffered compressed vertebrae from the DDT onto a chair. We also get some clips of the "Leather and Lace" match between Love and Sky from two months ago. That was better off forgotten.

Sky attacks Love at the bell and tosses her out of the ring, but Love drags Sky out after her and Spears her on the floor, following up with some mounted punches. Sky reverses an Irish Whip and throws Love into the ring steps knees-first. She tosses Love back into the ring, and mounts her for some punches of her own. Sky lays in a few stomps, then hits Love with Skyliner. Instead of going for the pin Sky lifts Love up and goes for a second Skyliner, but this time Love reverses and hits a Clothesline and a Bicycle Kick. With a crazed look on her face, Love rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair. She comes back in with it, tosses it down in the middle of the ring and hits Sky with another Bicycle Kick (which Taz tells us she calls the Botox Injection). Sky rakes Love's eyes and hits her with a Flapjack; Taz says Love had an "awkward and ugly landing", which is akin to Jim Ross calling a spot bowling shoe ugly. Velvet takes forever trying to set Love up for a DDT on the chair, which the referee has made absolutely no attempt to remove from the ring. Love reverses and hits Sky with her own DDT onto the chair, leading to the disqualification.

Winner- Velvet Sky by disqualification.

After the match, Love makes a gesture that this is two down, with one to go. Madison Rain comes down to the ramp for a stare down with Love, saying that the Knockouts title is hers now, and Love isn't getting it back.

Backstage, Jay Lethal is hanging out in his locker room when he's told he has a visitor. Lethal's brother has shown up to hang out with him tonight- this won't end well, I'm sure.

[commercial break]

Backstage, Kevin Nash and Eric Young are deep in conversation. Apparently, The Band is breaking up. Nash says he has nothing against Young, but he feels like he has to distance himself from things associated with Scott Hall. Nash says that he's been dealing with Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff for years, and if they're going to come down on anyone, better it's him alone. He and Young agree to go their separate ways, but part on good terms.

Elsewhere, Matt Morgan makes his way to the ring, as we gets clips of his match against Hernandez at Slammiversary, as well as of Morgan screwing Hernandez during his match last week. Morgan says that he hates to say it, but he told us so when he promised to walk out of Slammiversary victorious. He claims that he doesn't sweat Hernandez, never has and never will. Morgan calls Hernandez out, telling him to put down his burrito and walk his monkey butt down to the ring. The announcers inform us that Hernandez is currently in Mexico, a fact Morgan is well aware of. When Hernandez obviously fails to answer the challenge, Morgan says that this proves his point, Hernandez is the one that sweats him. Morgan tells us that TNA Management asked him if he wanted to face Hernandez in a Steel Cage Match at Victory Road, and that was music to his ears. He tells Hernandez that at Victory Road there will be nowhere to run or hide. He promises to beat Hernandez like a piñata, and afterward he'll be able to say "I told you so" all over again.

Without warning, Morgan is suddenly attacked from behind by Homicide. The announcers try to get across the idea that Homicide is sticking up for his "LAX brother", conveniently overlooking the fact that LAX broke up when Homicide turned on Hernandez, and not too long ago they were in the middle of a feud. Homicide chases Morgan out of the ring, but Morgan cuts him off with a shot to the gut. He sets Homicide up against the ring post and nails him with the Carbon Footprint to the side of the head, exactly how he took out Hernandez two months ago. Morgan says that what he just did to Homicide will look like a wet dream compared to what he's going to do to Hernandez at Victory Road. Gross.

[commercial break]

Backstage, we see AJ Styles meeting up with Ric Flair. Styles is distracted looking for some mysterious package that he was waiting to have delivered, but Flair tells him to forget it and focus on the task at hand. Apparently, they're looking for someone- I wonder who that could be.

Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal

Kazarian starts things off with a Double Leg Takedown, but Lethal kicks him off and comes back with a fast Arm Drag. Kazarian retreats into the corner and the referee backs Lethal away, but Kaz uses the opportunity to leapfrog over the referee onto Lethal. Kazarian fire away with right hands and toe kicks, yelling "this is for Ric, you stupid bastard!". Kazarian hits Lethal with a Gutwrench Slam and covers him, but only gets a one count. Kaz rakes Lethal's eyes and catches him coming off the ropes with an Elevated Spinebuster for two. Kazarian hangs Lethal up on the top rope and hits him with a boot to the chin for another near fall. Kazarian continues his assault with a Scoop Slam and a Springboard Leg Drop before trapping Lethal in a grounded Side Headlock, using the ropes for extra leverage.

We go into a split screen, showing the action in the ring on one side, while on the other we see Flair and Styles backstage, beating the hell out of Lethal's brother. Flair and Styles put the boots to him and tear off his shirt, while in the ring Lethal fights out of Kazarian's hold and hits him with a pair of Running Forearms and a Handspring Back Elbow. Kazarian tries to hit Lethal with a low blow, but Lethal catches his arm and rolls him up with a La Mahistral Cradle for two. Kazarian recovers fast and downs Lethal with a Clothesline. They trade strikes back and forth before Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination, but Kazarian blocks the second half of the combo and hits Lethal with the Wave of the Future for another near fall. Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver but Lethal escapes and nails Kazarian with his new Belly to Back Neckbreaker finisher (now named the Lethal Injection, the third move to bear that name) for the win.

Winner- Jay Lethal by pinfall.

Lethal goes into the front row to celebrate after the match, blissfully unaware of what's been going on backstage for the past few minutes. When he hops back over the barricade, he ends up face to face with Kazarian, who is all smiles despite his losing effort. Flair suddenly appears on the big screen and calls for Lethal's attention, as behind him Styles continues to beat down Lethal's brother. As Lethal sprints to the back at top speed, Flair says that this is just a sample of what's in store for him at Victory Road.

[commercial break]

When we return, Jeff Jarrett is heading towards the ring for his match against Sting. His hangdog expression is starting to rival Terry Funk's. Sting's music plays, but he doesn't come out to the ring, and the cameras catch sight of him in the rafters staring down at Jarrett. Jarrett quickly leaves the ring and heads to the back to take the fight to Sting. They meet on the stairs leading to the rafters and Jarrett quickly lays in some shots to Sting before pulling Sting's trench coat up over his head to blind him, hockey jersey style. All is not as it seems though, as we cut to the ring and see the real Sting entering through the crowd- Jarrett is pounding on a phony!

Jarrett fights the doppelganger Sting all the way into the ring (somehow not seeing the genuine article when they're less than fifteen feet apart) and forces him into the corner. Jarrett finally pulls the jacket back down away from the faux Sting's face and realizes that he's been had, just as the real Sting attacks him from behind, choking Jarrett out with his baseball bat. With Jarrett almost out on his feet, Sting nails him with a series of bat shots to the knees, stomach and back. Sting grabs a microphone and tells Jarrett that if he's going to walk with Them, he's going to go down with Them. I'm assuming he's talking about Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff again, but I'm kind of hoping he's really referring to the late 60s Irish rock band, if only because that might mean that the fake Sting was secretly a vengeful Van Morrison.

From there, we cut to an ad for Bound for Glory, which is booked for October 10th (or 10/10/10). The ad hypes Bound for Glory 2010 as the biggest night in TNA history. October is a LONG way off for a company like TNA to worry about. Walk before you run, guys.

[commercial break]

We come back to a video package reminding us of the feud between Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle from last year. If you haven't seen their matches from Turning Point and Final Resolution, go out of your way to find them online or on tape- both matches were terrific.

Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea) vs. Kurt Angle

Wolfe and Chelsea are still arguing incessantly, before and during the match. Apparently, this match is the next step in Angle's quest to go through the Rankings System, since Wolfe is ranked at number nine. Wolfe and Angle start out with some solid chain wrestling, with Angle working the arm and Wolfe targeting Angle's neck and head. Wolfe gets Angle into a grounded Cobra Clutch, but Angle rolls out into a grounded Hammerlock. Wolfe makes it up to his feet and into his ropes, then kicks the top rope into Angle's face- neat spot. Angle recovers quickly with a Hip Toss, but misses a charge into the corner and flies shoulder-first into the ring post. Wolfe locks Angle in an Arm Bar and takes him over in Suplex variation which I should probably know the name of. Angle makes it to his feet fast, but just as quickly Wolfe takes him back down with an Arm Wrench Snap. The crowd is chanting "USA" as Angle goes for a Sunset Flip, but Wolfe blocks the move and slams Angle's arm down into the mat.

Wolfe Grapevines Angle's arm, but Angle cleverly reverses into the Ankle Lock. Wolfe kicks Angle off, but soon gets hit by a Back Body Drop, followed by a Belly to Belly Overhead Suplex for two. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Wolfe reverses with an Arm Drag. Angle recovers fast and hits a series of Rolling German Suplexes for two. Clearly the worse for wear, Wolfe needs to use the ropes to drag himself to his feet, but he finds the energy reserves needed to reverse the Angle Slam again, this time into a Hammerlock DDT for another two count. Wolfe back drops Angle to the apron, Angle tries to go up top but Wolfe cuts him off. He sets Angle up for the Tower of London but Angle slips out and finally connects with the Angle Slam. Angle pulls his straps down and slaps on the Ankle Lock with a Leg Grapevine, and Wolfe has no choice but to tap out.

Winner- Kurt Angle by submission.

After the match, we see Chelsea with a satisfied smirk on her face, clearly happy to see Wolfe come up short. Angle makes a gesture to show that it's two down, eight to go- next on his list is Pope D'Angelo Dinero.

In the back, Mister Anderson is lacing up his boots. He says that he has scratches and welts all over his back and stitches in his face, all because Abyss decided to use weapons and crap instead of just wrestling him. Anderson says that if he wants to tonight, Abyss can bring baseball bats, pipes, kendo sticks, thumbtacks, broken glass, a shotgun, whatever he wants because Anderson is ready for it, and will throw it right back into Abyss' face.

[commercial break].

Next up is a video package hyping the X Division Champion, Douglas Williams. The video shows how Williams has been dominating the X Division as of late, winning his matches through a combination of technical abilities, dirty tricks and most recently some uncharacteristic high flying manoeuvres. We go to the ring, where Williams is waiting, microphone in hand. He says that Brian Kendrick must feel pretty smart after jumping him from behind last week, catching him off-guard and locking him in a submission move he couldn't get out of. Williams says that Kendrick would probably claim he was inspired by his third eye or some other nonsense, because that's part of the crazy world which he inhabits. Williams says that in the world he himself inhabits, there is a code of conduct, a gentlemen's agreement to never betray one's professionalism. Williams says that it's clear he has to re-educate the wrestlers in the X Division not only in the art of professional wrestling, but also in proper professionalism and sportsmanship. Williams says that he's going to start tonight, calling Kendrick out to the ring so he can teach him a lesson that he'll never forget.

Kendrick comes out to a loud but somewhat mixed reaction. He says that he talked to the people in charge, and at Victory Road Williams' X Division Championship will be up for grabs, in a very special match. Kendrick says that him and Williams will face off in an Ultimate X match, but one in which they can also win via submission. Kendrick says to reach his higher sense of self, he needs to end Williams' stream of consciousness. Kendrick is using a new style of delivery for his promos, a bit reminiscent of Christopher Walken. Williams says that just because Kendrick is insulting his intelligence with his faux new age claptrap, it doesn't mean Williams is any more likely to jump Kendrick from behind as Kendrick did to him last week. Williams says that he's more than satisfied with getting his revenge at Victory Road. Williams and Kendrick both turn to leave, but Williams goes for a cheap shot. Kendrick sees it coming though, and once again locks Williams in a Cobra Clutch with Body Scissors. Williams is trapped, and for the second straight week Kendrick succeeds in choking out the X Division champion.

In the back, Abyss is talking to himself. He says that nobody understands the veracity of the situation, though one day soon everyone will realize that he's doing what he does because "They" told him to. Abyss says that his path of destruction continues tonight with Anderson. He claims he's been asked to pave the way, because when they get to TNA, nothing will ever be the same again.

[commercial break]

When we return, there's a brawl in progress in the backstage area. Jesse Neal has been laid out, and Shannon Moore is on top of Brother Ray, pounding away at him. Moore is dragged off of Ray by security, and Ray gets a few cheap shots in before he's held back as well. Brother Devon runs over and chases away security, but then wheels around and shoves Ray up against the wall. Devon says that he's had Ray's back since day one, but Ray made a fool out of him at Slammiversary, then again last week. He warns Ray one last time to leave Neal alone, and promises on their (fictional) father's grave that Ray does not want to test him on this.

Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode and James Storm) vs. Inc Ink. (Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal) (Tag Team Tournament Finals)

Mike Tenay and Taz are joined at the announce table by Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin for this match, as the Motor City Machineguns scout their potential opponents for Victory Road. Moore comes out alone, as Neal is still recovering in the back.

Roode starts things out against Moore, laying in a few hard shots before Moore catches him with a Headscissor Takeover and a Running Calf Kick. Storm tries to come in illegally but Moore nails him with a Dropkick. Moore follows up with an Inverted Atomic Drop and a Leap-Through Leg Drop to Roode. He covers Roode, Storm goes to break things up but Moore moves aside and Storm inadvertently drops an elbow on his own partner. Moore hits Storm with a Headscissor Takeover and Clotheslines Roode out of the ring. On commentary, the Guns go off on a funny tangent about the studs on Moore's pants being illegal foreign objects, and Shelley has a good line about how it looks like someone attacked Moore with a Sharpie. The camera suddenly cuts to the crowd, where Tommy Dreamer has arrived, only this time he's not alone- Raven and Steven Richards are with him!

Back to the action, Moore hits Roode with a kick to the chest then slides between his legs, but Storm catches Moore by the ankle from the outside, drags him over and swings him bodily into the ringside barricade. As Roode distracts the referee, Storm whips Moore into the ring steps before tossing him back into the ring and tagging himself in. Both heels lay the boots to Moore, as Neal staggers out to join the match belatedly. Moore fights off Storm in the corner, but runs into a High Knee. Roode tags in and hits Moore with a Scoop Slam, Storm follows up with a Running Elbow Drop and Roode caps things off with a Running Knee Drop for two. Moore gets caught in the enemy corner and soon suffers a Full Nelson Slam from Roode. Storm comes in and Beer Money take Moore down again with a Double Back Elbow. They set him up for another double team move, but Moore escapes with a kick to Storm and an Elevated Bulldog to Roode.

Moore tags in Neal, who delivers Clotheslines to both members of Beer Money. He hits Roode with a Back Body Drop and gets Storm with a Belly to Belly Slam for two. Moore comes in after Roode and back drops him to the floor, following him out with a Vaulting Twisting Body Press. In the ring, Storm goes hits Neal with a Double Knee Facebreaker and goes for the Last Call, but Neal blocks the kick and hoists Storm up onto his shoulders. Moore heads up top for the double team finisher, but Roode hops onto the apron and shoves Moore off the ropes and down to the floor. Neal lowers Storm and shoves him into Roode, knocking him off the apron, then rolls Storm up with a Schoolboy for two. Storm rolls into his corner and sneaks a swig of beer as Neal stalks him for the Spear. Roode grabs Neal's ankle, and the distraction allows Storm to spit beer in Neal's eyes. Roode comes in to join Storm in hitting Neal with the DWI, and Storm pins him to win the tournament. At Victory Road, the Guns will face Beer Money for the vacant TNA World Tag Team Championship.

Winners- Beer Money Inc. (James Storm over Jesse Neal by pinfall).

In the back, AJ Styles and Kazarian are bickering again. Styles criticizes Kaz for not beating Jay Lethal tonight, while Kaz points out that Styles can't seem to beat Lethal, period. AJ spots a box behind Kaz and asks if that's his package, and Kaz quips that it can't be AJ's package, it's way too big. Styles opens the box and reveals what he's been waiting for... and it's one of the new TNA action figure. How very underwhelming. Kazarian tells Styles to go take little AJ somewhere else if he's going to play with himself.

[commercial break]

Abyss vs. Mister Anderson (No Disqualification, Falls Count Anywhere Match)

As Abyss heads down to the ring for the main event, we're shown clips of how he destroyed Anderson and Jeff Hardy last week, and of his attack on Hogan earlier tonight. Anderson skips his personal ring entrance for once, charging straight into the ring to attack Abyss. Anderson lays into the Monster with right hands and stomps before running into a Back Elbow. Abyss chokes Anderson in the ropes as the announcers tell us that Hardy suffered four cracked ribs after being Chokeslammed off the stage last week. Anderson comes back with a Lou Thesz Press and mounted punches, and Abyss slides out of the ring to gather his thoughts. Anderson follows him out and grabs a chair from the crowd, but Abyss punches it into Anderson's face.

Abyss brings both Anderson and the chair into the ring, but Anderson sends Abyss crashing into the chair with a Drop Toe Hold (which Taz points out is one of Raven's signature moves). Anderson gets a two count off a chair shot to Abyss' back, then takes a minute to wedge the chair between the ropes in the corner. Abyss recovers and tries to whip Anderson into the chair, but Anderson dodges and slips out between the ropes, quickly scurrying underneath the ring. Abyss heads out to look for him, but Anderson emerges from under the ring behind Abyss, carrying a Singapore cane. Anderson lays into Abyss with cane shots to the shoulder and ribs, but his last swing catches nothing but the ring post, and Abyss levels him with a haymaker.

Abyss chokes Anderson up against the barricade, then whips him into the side of the entrance ramp. He pulls aside the protective floor mats to expose a section of concrete and sets Anderson up for a Chokeslam, but Anderson escapes. Both men head back into the ring, Abyss carrying a second chair that he rams into Anderson's chest. Abyss puts the chair on top of Anderson and goes for a Running Seated Senton, but Anderson turns the chair sideways so Abyss lands on it groin-first, allowing Anderson to get a near fall. Anderson heads up to the top rope and goes for the Kenton Bomb (presumably as a tribute to his fallen partner), but Abyss gets his knees up. Abyss takes advantage of the failed high risk move by throwing Anderson face-first into the chair still wedged in the corner, then finishes him off with Shock Treatment for the win.

Winner- Abyss by pinfall.

After the match, Abyss tosses Anderson out onto the entrance ramp to do some more damage. Anderson tries to crawl away, but Abyss catches up to him at the top of the stage. After briefly jockeying for position, Abyss Chokeslams Anderson off the stage, just as he did to Hardy last week. Once again, Hulk Hogan comes out, but this time he has a chair in hand. Hogan nails Abyss with a chair shot to the back, but Abyss no-sells it. Hogan tosses the chair down and security rushes out to protect him, but Abyss easily swats them aside. For the second straight week (and I've said that a lot tonight), Abyss ends the show by pointing at Hogan and yelling "YOU!".