The Fight Network

It's Thursday night (or as I write this, early Friday morning), which means it's time for another episode of the Excedrin marketing department's favourite show, TNA Impact! Going in to tonight's show we have no matches or major angles announced, so we're going at it with a blank slate this week- let's see what TNA delivers this week.

We start with a video package highlighting the rise and fall of babyface Abyss. I guess they've just completely abandoned the regular theme music and opening video by now, because they haven't used it in weeks. The title of tonight's show is "The Voices in My Head" and contrary to what you might expect, they don't council me or understand or talk to me.

We jump from the video straight into the Impact Zone, where Abyss is flipping out at ringside, throwing one steel chair after another into the ring. Abyss chases some kids in the front row out of their seats and steals the chairs- that was great. After a minute, Abyss turns his attention to So Cal Val (who has been sitting at ringside for the past few weeks for no clear reason- I think she holds a microphone for people to use, maybe she does something for the live crowd, I have no idea). As Abyss stalks Val, Hulk Hogan's music starts to play, and the Hulkster limps out to the ring. Taz immediately points out that Hogan is in no condition for a physical confrontation, bringing up Hogan's recent back surgery, and further surgeries planned for the future.

Nevertheless, Hogan tries to goad Abyss into meeting him in the ring to square off man to man. Abyss makes it as far as the ring apron before Eric Bischoff runs out and gets between them, telling Hogan that this is crazy, he can't do this. Hogan says that Abyss is a cancer in TNA (something he says about one person or another at least five times a week- I'm thinking of turning that into a drinking game). Abyss climbs into the ring, but a pair of security guards climb in to hold him and Hogan back, as the crowd chants "let them fight". Bischoff turns to talk to Abyss, and calls him an ungrateful son of a bitch, before slapping the taste out of his mouth.

Abyss responds by knocking out each of the guards with single punches, then backing Bischoff into the corner. Hogan grabs a chair and tries to intimidate Abyss, but Abyss punches the chair out of his hands. Jeff Hardy runs out to make the save, launching a flurry of punches at Abyss before taking him down with the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb. Hardy gets Bischoff and Hogan out of the ring, but Abyss is back on his feet almost immediately and motions for Hardy to come back for more. Hardy tries to charge the ring, but he's held back by security guards (who have increased in numbers by this point). The babyfaces retreat towards the back as Abyss yells that Hardy is his tonight.

At the announce table, Mike Tenay and Taz announce that later tonight, AJ Styles will face Samoa Joe. Before they can get any further, Abyss comes up to them and confronts Tazz with his now typical point-and-"YOU!" shtick. Abyss stares down Taz as we go to break.

[commercial break]

We return with a video package hyping Victory Road, which is now just a week and a half away. In addition to the four-way main event, the video is built around the Matt Morgan/Hernandez cage match, Ultimate X 20 and the in-ring return of Ric Flair.

We gets some quick clips of the opening segment for anyone that turned in late. We also see that during the break, Abyss continued to wreak havoc backstage, destroying the Gorilla position.

Elsewhere, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff and Jeff Hardy are making plans. Bischoff says that he knows Hogan loves Abyss like a brother, but they need to put an end to this. Hogan responds that he doesn't love Abyss any more, he's a cancer in TNA (take a shot) who needs to be cut out, and he's got to go tonight. Hardy wants Abyss in a match tonight and Hogan agrees, asking Hardy to put an end to Abyss. Bischoff says that he'll make the match, but they won't send Hardy out alone. He promises Hardy that they have his back, and Hardy randomly screams that Abyss is going down.

Ink Inc. (Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal) vs. The Motor City Machineguns (Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley)

Moore and Shelley start the match out, with the crowd chanting for the Guns. Moore goes to work on Shelley's arm, Shelley reverses and Moore flips out and gets a Single Leg Takedown. The crowd is chanting for Neal now- no love for the Prince of Punk. Shelley kicks Moore off and sweeps his legs with one arm for a one count, then runs into an Arm Drag which Moore transitions into a grounded Armbar. Moore tags in Neal and they hit Shelley with a Double Hip Toss. Moore follows up by Hip Tossing Neal onto Shelley for a two count. Neal tags Moore back in, and he comes in with a Sunset Flip for two. Moore hits Shelley with a Springboard Bodyscissors into a Flying Armdrag that sends Shelley to the outside. Sabin comes in to help his partner, but Moore sends him out of the ring as well with a Headscissor Takedown. Moore goes high risk with a Slingshot Somersault Senton onto both of the Guns on the outisde. Meanwhile, Brother Devon has come out to join the announce team.

Devon says that he's out there to make sure that Brother Ray doesn't go after Neal again this week. Back in the ring, Moore covers Shelley for two. Shelley makes the tag to Sabin before hitting Moore with an Inverted Atomic Drop. He hits Moore with an Inverted Neck Snap and bridges over, holding Moore in place for a Low Running Dropkick from Sabin. Shelley drops down to all fours and Sabin uses his partner as a springboard to take Neal off the apron with a Running Elevated Dropkick. Sabin covers Moore, but only gets two. He throws Moore into Shelley's boots on the apron and tags Shelley in. Shelley hits Moore with a Spinning Arm Wrench and makes another quick tag. Sabin runs the ropes and leapfrogs over Shelley to drop a Hip Press on Moore's arm. Moore catches Sabin coming in with a back elbow and hits him with a Springboard Moonsault Press off the second rope. Moore and Sabin both make tags to their partners and Neal explodes into the ring with a Flying Forearm, a Clothesline and a Running Back Elbow to Shelley.

Neal hits a Running Springboard Cross Body Press to Sabin, followed by a nice spear to Shelley. He covers, but Sabin breaks it up. Moore comes in after Sabin and goes for a Headscissors out of the corner, but Sabin throws him off to the floor. Sabin turns around into a big Swinging Sideslam from Neal. Neal sets Shelley up on the top rope, but quickly becomes distracted as Brother Ray comes out and starts to march down to the ring. Devon abandons the announce table to run interference, and Team 3D get into a shoving match on the ramp. In the ring, Sabin uses the distraction to attack Neal from behind. The Guns hit Neal with a nice double team move that sees Shelley hit an Avalanche Shiranui on Neal while Sabin simultaneously drives Neal off the second rope with a Sit-Out Powerbomb. Shelley covers Neal to get the win.

Winners- The Motor City Machineguns (Alex Shelley over Jesse Neal by pinfall).

After the match, Ray backs up the ramp talking trash the whole way, as Devon goes into the ring to help Neal to his feet.

As things settle down, Eric Bischoff comes out to the top of the ramp. He announces that the official main event for tonight's show will be a match between Abyss and Jeff Hardy, and to make sure everything stays above board, Rob Van Dam will be the guest referee.

Backstage, we see Dixie Carter arriving at the arena. That's professional, showing up to your own company's television tapings twenty minutes after the show starts.

[commercial break]

When we return, Dixie is still wandering the halls, and she's not in a talking mood.

AJ Styles (with Ric Flair and Kazarian) vs. Samoa Joe

Taz puts over both men before the match, saying that long before he ever came to TNA, he was a fan of Styles and Joe. They tie up and Styles delivers a few early Knife-Edge Chops, but Joe no-sells them and nails Styles with a slap to the chest that sends him reeling to the outside. After a quick breather Styles rolls back in and Joe immediately forces him into the corner and pounds away at him with rights and lefts, and some hard stomps. Joe hits Styles with his signature Running Back Elbow in the corner followed by a Leaping Enzuigiri. Joe hits Styles with a huge chop in the corner, as Flair looks on from ringside, seemingly at a loss for words.

Joe hits Styles with a Snapmare, a chop to the back, a kick to the chest and finally a leaping Knee Drop to the chest. Joe runs the ropes and avoids a leapfrog, answering with a hard slap to Styles' face. Styles finally comes back with a poke to the eye, followed by a perfect Dropkick. Styles chokes Joe in the ropes right in front of Flair, but notably for once Flair doesn't deliver any kind of cheap shot when given the chance, instead leaving everything up to Styles. Styles hoists Joe up for a Stalling Scoop Slam, which is pretty impressive all considered. He delivers a few shoulder thrusts in the corner and goes for a Suplex, but Joe blocks the move and instead hits Styles with a Gordbuster.

Styles comes back fast with a low Dropkick that takes Joe's legs out from under him. Styles Snapmares Joe into a Reverse Chinlock, but Joe fights to his feet and elbows out, then delivers a stiff forearm to the side of Styles' head. He follows up with a pair of Clotheslines, then catches Styles coming off the bottom rope with an Inverted Atomic Drop. Joe keeps the pressure on with a Single Leg Dropkick and a Running Senton for two. Joe sets Styles up for the Muscle Buster, stunning him with another brutal chop, but Styles slips out. Joe nails Styles with a pair of hard leg kicks, but Styles catches his leg the third time and delivers a Dragon Screw. He wrenches at Joe's leg and calls for the Figure Four Leg Lock, but Joe reverses into the Coquina Clutch, and Styles is forced to tap out.

Winner- Samoa Joe by submission.

The match was pretty good, not what you'd expect from these two if they had been given more time, but better than most TV matches. Afterward, Flair climbs into the ring with Kazarian at his side. Flair is visibly disappointed with Styles, and Kaz is laughing and trying to egg Flair on. Flair and Kaz turn to leave together, but Styles calls for a microphone. He asks Kazarian if he thinks this is funny, and says that what's actually funny is that he could beat Kaz and leave him crying in the ring like a little girl. Styles challenges Kazarian to a match next week, if Flair is cool with it. Flair nods approvingly, and Kaz says that it's fine by him...next week, it's on!

[commercial break]

Backstage, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter are deep in conversation. Bischoff tells Dixie that he and Hogan have come to realize that Sting has his own agenda, and has become dangerous. Dixie argues that this isn't like Sting, but Hogan and Bischoff argue that they've known Sting for much longer than she has, and this is the real him. Kevin Nash briefly tries to come in to speak to Hogan and Bischoff, but they tell him to leave. That was kind of pointless. Hogan tells Dixie that Sting can't handle success, and accuses him of being a deeply jealous individual. Bischoff tells her to look at the facts, what Sting has done and who he's assaulted, bringing up how Sting attacked him a few weeks ago and took a bat to hit knee. Dixie asks Bischoff what he wants her to do- man, even her on-screen character is incompetent. Bischoff tells her to fire Sting, suspend him, press charges against him, file a lawsuit, just as long as she does SOMETHING. Under pressure to actually do some work for a change, Dixie reluctantly agrees to do something about Sting tonight. Hogan and Bischoff offer to have her back, but she says she has to do it herself, and she'll let them know how it goes afterward.

Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea) vs. Brian Kendrick (Submissions Match)

Wolfe and Chelsea are still arguing; Kendrick is still crazy. Before the match, we see clips of how Kendrick chokes out Douglas Williams two weeks ago.

Wolfe opens up with a series of European Uppercuts, and some cross-wrist thrusts to Kendrick's midsection. Kendrick comes back with a flurry of right hands, a Flying Forearm and a Leaping Enzuigiri. Kendrick hits another pair of Flying Forearms and goes for the Cobra Clutch, as Williams joins the announce table to scout his opponent for Victory Road. Wolfe breaks the hold by reaching the ropes, then sends Kendrick to the outside with a Drop Toe Hold. Wolfe hits Kendrick with a European Uppercut on the outside, in front of a disgusted Chelsea. Williams has the line of the night, saying that at Victory Road Kendrick is going to tap so quickly he'll have to change his name to Fred Astaire (Taz quickly tells him that the 1940s want their reference back). The action moves back into the ring briefly before Wolfe sends Kendrick back out to the floor with a kick to the back.

Wolfe hits him with a few more European Uppercuts, and Williams has another great line, saying that Kendrick thinks he's a submissions expert just because he's been watching The Ultimate Fighter. Wolfe throws Kendrick back into the ring, but takes too long arguing with Chelsea and ends up walking into a Double Leg Takedown from Kendrick. Kendrick nails Wolfe with punches from inside his guard, but Wolfe rakes his eyes. Mike Tenay announces that next week Williams will face Jeremy Buck in a non-title Ladder Match, which is apparently news to Williams. Wolfe gets Kendrick in an Arm Scissors but gets distracted by Chelsea ditching him and walking to the back, allowing Kendrick to slip out and apply the Cobra Clutch with Body Scissors. Wolfe tries to fight out, but eventually is forced to submit. The announcers play it as a major upset, with Kendrick beating Wolfe at his own game.

Winner- Brian Kendrick by submission.

We get a shot of Pope D'Angelo Dinero walking backstage, preparing to make his big return to TNA from his second injury angle in six months.

[commercial break]

We return to footage allegedly taken some time last week in Yonkers, New York, where a TNA cameraman tried unsuccessfully to get an interview with Tommy Dreamer. He asks Dreamer for comments, but Dreamer's having none of it.

From there we throw to a music video showcasing Pop D'Angelo Dinero. The video is rather elaborate by TNA standards, it worked well to make the Pope seem like a really big deal. With no further ado, The Pope makes his official return... and the ring announcer promptly butchers his name, calling him D'Angelo De Niro. Hooah! The Pope comes out to a decent pop and a "Hallelujah" chant, but the crowd isn't as vocal as they were for him a few short weeks ago. Nevertheless, the Pope gets all choked up by the reaction, saying that moments like this make him realize that when he busts his butt in the ring, it's worth every minute of it.

The Pope cuts a long and somewhat hard to follow promo, the gist of which is that he's about eighty percent healthy right now, but he's ready to return and fulfill his obligations to his Congregation. Dinero also says that he hasn't forgotten that it was Mister Anderson that put him on the disabled list, and he accuses Anderson of pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. Dinero calls himself the Cadillac of professional wrestling, and says that here's here to stake his claim and earn his way back to the number one contender's position, so he can rightfully take on the TNA World Heavyweight Champion and make history.

The festivities are suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Kurt Angle, who comes out to meet the man who sits next on his Rankings System hit list. Taz says that he's surprised that Angle would try to take the Pope's spotlight like this. Angle welcomes Dinero back to TNA, saying that we've all missed him. Angle claims to be a big fan of the Pope, and says that when he looks at him he sees the future of TNA, and that future is very bright. However, Angle points out that he too is trying to climb the ranks for a shot at the World Heavyweight title, and unfortunately their paths have now crossed.

Angle announces that he and Dinero will face off at Victory Road, and says that for Dinero that's good news, because he has nothing to lose. On the other hand, Angle says that right now, his own first loss could well be his last, teasing that he will either succeed in his quest to climb the ranks or else retire. Angle offers to shake the Pope's hand and says may the best man win, but as they shake Angle adds that at Victory Road, he MUST be victorious. Angle leaves the ring, and the Pope seems deep in thought, the smile gone from his face.

[commercial break]

When we return, it's time for a video recapping the Ric Flair/Jay Lethal feud. Back live, Lethal heads down to the ring, and he's all business today. Lethal says that while he was wrestling Kazarian last week, AJ Styles and Ric Flair (who he no longer respects) attacked his younger brother. Lethal says that his brother isn't a wrestler and wasn't prepared for that kind of thing, but Lethal is. He demands that Styles and Flair come out to face him, but instead Matt Morgan comes out (apparently he's Lethal's scheduled opponent for tonight). Morgan claims that Ric Flair asked him to be the first member of the new Fortune faction, and though he respects Flair for having the wisdom to go straight to the biggest and toughest dog in TNA, he hasn't decided yet if he's going to accept the offer. Morgan says that there is one thing that he and Flair agree on, and without warning he throws his microphone at Lethal's face. As Morgan heads into the ring, he finishes the though- Morgan and Flair agree that he should kick Lethal's ass.

Jay Lethal vs. Matt Morgan

Lethal goes after Morgan with a flurry of punches early on, but Morgan no sells the offense and forces Lethal into the corner, where he starts hammering away at him with Alternating Back Elbow Strikes. Morgan follows up with a Body Avalanche and a Sidewalk Slam. He claws at Lethal's face, then puts him in a Surfboard Stretch in the ropes. Lethal tries to come back with a Running Cross Body, but Morgan catches him and hits a Fall-Away Slam. Morgan punishes Lethal with a hard headbutt, then just walks across his chest. Morgan blatantly chokes Lethal with one hand in the corner, then chokes him some more with the top rope. With Lethal laying on the top rope, Morgan hits him with a big Leapfrog Body Guillotine for a two count. Morgan signals for the Carbon Footprint, but Lethal dodges and Morgan accidentally crotches himself on the ropes. Lethal starts peppering Morgan with punches, chops and leg kicks, then hits a Jumping Enzuigiri, a Flying Shoulder Block and a low Dropkick for two. Lethal heads out to the apron and springboards at Morgan, but Morgan catches Lethal by the throat and shoves him over the top rope to the outside. As the referee checks on Lethal and Morgan poses for the crowd, Hernandez sneaks out and unceremoniously nails Morgan with a low blow. Hernandez slips back out of the ring as Lethal makes it back up to the apron, and hits a wounded Morgan with a Springboard Missile Dropkick for the upset win.

Winner- Jay Lethal

Backstage, Abyss is hammering nails into a two-by-four, while talking to himself. He says that with each nail he drives into his new toy, "They" will take more and more control of TNA. Or something to that effect.

Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne (Non-Title match)

Rayne is all alone this week, her teammates still recovering from being attacked by Angelina Love over the past two weeks. Wilde and Rayne tie up, Wilde takes Rayne down with a single leg into a grounded Side Headlock, but Rayne pulling her hair and the referee calls for the break. Rain Spears Wilde, and slams her head into the mat over and over. She chokes Wilde across the second rope, but Wilde comes back with a Headscissor Takeover. Wilde hits Rayne with some hard forearms, but Rain slams her down to the mat by her hair. The announcers bring up how Wilde's partner Sarita is conspicuously absent from ringside, and Taz mentions recent tension between the two that was apparent on Xplosion. Wilde slips out to the apron, and she and Rayne hit each other with concurrent Clotheslines that take them both down.

We cut to a shot of the crowd, where Tommy Dreamer is arriving, along with Steven Richards, Raven and new addition Rhino! I was just wondering the other day what ever happened to him. Back to the action, Wilde hits Rayne with a forearm from the apron and heads up top, but misses a Diving Cross Body. Mike Tenay is badgering Taz for information about Dreamer's group, but Taz claims to be in the dark, mentioning that many of those guys didn't even talk to him when they were all in ECW together. Rayne claws at Wilde's face from the Camel Clutch position, before abruptly hitting the Rayne Drop for the win. The crowd was bored for the first half of this match and wasn't even watching by the second half- they need to take the Knockouts title off of Rayne and put it on someone who can actually have a halfway decent match.

Winner- Madison Rayne by pinfall.

Angelina Love runs out after the match with a steel chair in hand, and nails Rayne with a shot to the gut. She lays down the chair and goes for her DDT, but Rayne escapes and rolls out of the ring. Love opens the chair and sits down on it confidently, as Rayne stares up at her from the floor, visibly shaken.

Backstage, Dixie Carter is seen climbing into the rafters to confront Sting.

[commercial break]

When we return, Taylor Wilde and Sarita are beating the holy hell out of each other underneath the stands. Sarita calls Wilde a stupid piece of shit and rams her into the scaffolding, then tries to run her over with an equipment case. Wilde rolls out of the way and they continue brawling before finally being pulled apart by security guard, kicking and screaming the whole way.

Next up is a recap of the current card for Victory Road. On paper, this looks like a strong show, but it's going to live or die by the potential overbooking in the main event.

In the rafters, Dixie Carter approaches Sting. He seems to have been expecting her, and asks if the time has come that she sees things as they really are. Carter says that Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff have made it clear that Sting is a cancer in TNA (take a shot). She says she has no idea what's gotten into him, but it can't continue. She announces that effective midnight tonight, Sting is suspended for thirty days without pay (which is a hilarious slap on the wrist by wrestling storyline standards). Sting says that this isn't about money, but before he can say what it IS about, he's cut off by the arrival of Eric Bischoff, who wants security to escort Sting out of the building. As he leaves, Sting asks Dixie to make the suspension indefinite, while Bischoff tries to convince Dixie that she needs a bodyguard to protect her from Sting, who he says isn't really going away that easily.

A few quick thoughts on the logic (or lack thereof) in this storyline: Let's say that the final pay-off is that Sting is right, and Hogan and Bischoff are the real heels, here to bleed TNA dry for their own amusement. Putting aside the fact that this hits a little close to home, it makes no sense based on what's happened so far. What have Hogan and Bischoff done to hurt the company? Try to make it financially viable? Why would they want to take over control of the company, when they already run everything day-to-day, and can browbeat Dixie into doing whatever they want her to? And for that matter, what would that have to do with Sting attacking Dixie, Jeff Jarrett and Rob Van Dam?

On the other hand, if there is absolutely nothing behind Sting's suspicions, what was the point of any of this? His motivation has been so ill-defined, you'd expect it to lead to a big reveal or twist, but far more likely the TNA writing team has just trapped themselves in a corner. And in the end, what does this build to? A Sting/Hogan match that neither man is healthy enough to do, and would have stunk up the joint ten years ago? Because even TNA wouldn't do Sting/Bischoff or Sting/Dixie (at least one would hope). They've already done Sting and Rob Van Dam, and while there is the inevitable rematch with Jarrett, that has next to nothing to do with Hogan, Bischoff or Dixie. Is there any point to all of this, other than wasting TV time and extending the Hulk 'n' Eric show by an extra three or four segments each week?

[commercial break]

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy (Special Guest Referee Rob Van Dam)

Abyss comes out carrying his newly crafted weapon. Hardy jumps Abyss before the bell, ducks a swing from Abyss club and Dropkicks it out of Abyss' hand. RVD throws the weapon out of the ring and calls for the opening bell. Hardy goes for the ten punch but gets thrown off. He comes back fast and knocks Abyss out of the ring with a Flying Forearm, following him out with a Slingshot Dropkick through the ropes and a Slingshot Cross Body Press. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate on the floor, but Abyss shoves him off into the post. Abyss rams Hardy's head into the steps, then tosses him back into the ring. He throws Hardy back-first into the turnbuckle, and follows up with a Sidewalk Slam for two. Abyss heads out to ringside and grabs a chair- stealing it from the same kids he scared away at the beginning of the night- but RVD pulls the chair out of his hands. Hardy comes up behind Abyss and rolls him up with a Schoolboy for two.

Hardy hits another Flying Forearm, followed by his double leg low blow. Hardy grabs the chair and RVD moves to take it away, but ends up allowing Hardy to open the chair up and use it as a jumping point to hit Abyss with Poetry in Motion (leading Taz and Mike Tenay to debate what actually constitutes using the chair as a weapon). Hardy hits Abyss with the Whisper in the Wind for a two count. He hits a few right hands, but runs into a Big Boot from Abyss. Abyss hits Hardy with a Running Body Splash for two. He goes for Shock Treatment, but Hardy escapes and hits the Twist of Fate. Hardy heads up top, but Abyss recovers fast and knocks Hardy's legs out from under him. Abyss climbs to the second rope and teases a Super Chokeslam, but Hardy shoves him off to the mat and hits the Swanton Bomb for the clean win.

Winner- Jeff Hardy by pinfall.

Abyss recovers almost immediately after the match and attacks Hardy from behind. RVD tries to get Abyss to back off, but gets hit with the Black Hole Slam. Abyss grabs his weapon, but Mister Anderson runs out with a chair to make the save. Anderson knocks Abyss' weapon away with the chair and hits him with a chair shot to the gut. He rears back for another swing, but Abyss moves and Anderson nails Hardy in the back with the chair. Anderson stares at Hardy with a blank look on his face, as the announcers question whether that was an accident, or his way of weakening Hardy before their four-way match at Victory Road. Before we can get any answers, Abyss comes up behind Anderson and hits him with Shock Treatment. For the third week in a row, Impact ends with Abyss standing alone, all his enemies battered, broken and beaten at his feet.

*****

Happy Canada Day and Independence Day folks!