Review of ‘Behind Enemy Lines Columbia’
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Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia is a very stupid movie. There’s really no way to get around that
fact- the storyline is featherweight and filled with holes, and any traces of
character development are swallowed up by teeth-gnashing action movie clichés.
But just because BEL:C is stupid
doesn’t mean it’s not entertaining, in its own way- if you enjoy movies like Commando, Bloodsport or True Lies, even in an ironic way, you’ll
probably think that Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia is a hoot.
Though the bulk of
the marketing campaign for BEL:C centered around the WWE’s own Mr. Kennedy (which is to be expected from a movie
produced by WWE Films), Kennedy shares the lead with Joe Manganiello, who
sharp-eyed viewers may recognize as the guy who played Flash Thompson for five
minutes in the Spider-Man films. Kennedy plays MCPO Carter Holt, a brash young
soldier with a rebellious streak, who as a male between the ages of eighteen
and twenty-four, I totally indentify with, right? Manganiello is his commanding
officer, Lieutenant Sean Macklin, a man who fights for his soldiers and
questions authority, but only because he’s secure in the knowledge that in a
movie like this one, no matter what decisions he makes they’ll inevitably be
the right ones. The plot (such as it is) sees Macklin’s squad blamed for a
massacre of Colombian soldiers and militant revolutionaries. As the CIA
scrambles to disavow any knowledge of the operation, Holt and Macklin fight to
save their captured comrade CPO Kevin Derricks (Channon Roe, who I’ve never heard
of, but who my roommate tell me was totally in that one episode of Buffy the
Vampire Slayer). Back in the US of A, Commander Scott Boytano (Keith David)
does his best to clear Macklin’s squad’s besmirched names. An interesting note
for old school fans of wrestling-related cinema: David played Frank in They Live, which saw him totally kick
Roddy Piper’s ass while obstinately refusing to put on a pair of sunglasses.
BEL:C opens up with a brief filmstrip on
the history of Colombia,
which looks like nothing so much as a cut-scene from a Call of Duty game. We’re then brought right into the midst of the
action, as Kennedy and his team execute a complex military strike, with
surgical precision…or so it seems. We quickly find out that Kennedy and his
army buddies are actually throwing a crazy surprise party for one of the boys.
It’s all very cleverly shot, with slick handicam shots and CSI: Miami inspired editing. It’s only when you apply a modicum of
common sense that the scene falls apart; watching from the next to me on the
couch, my roommate Diane asked the obvious question of why even the most
elaborate of surprise parties would require a military helicopter’s support.
And that’s the biggest problem with this film- instead of feeding the viewer a
few red herrings and letting them draw their own conclusions, BEL:C provides the audience with
outright lies, then expects people to ignore common sense to keep the plot from
unravelling.
In tone, BEL:C is a throwback to simpler times
and simpler movies, where heroes and villains were easily described in terms of
stark black and white. One early scene is designed to create a motivation for
the film’s primary antagonist, Alvaro Cordona (Yancey Arias). An idyllic day in
Smalltown, Colombia is interrupted by a violent explosion set off by terrorist
extremists. Not a word of a lie, the sequence is a virtual shot-by-shot lift
from the opening scene of Team America:
World Police, only whereas that entire film was an over-the-top parody of
action films, BEL:C trudges along
with a pie-faced resolution that proves time and again that it isn’t in on the
joke.
Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia is the type
of film that goes out of its way to avoid anything that might add some depth or
intelligence. Even with their communications cut off and their resources
limited, Holt and Macklin are never presented with any real obstacles in their
mission to rescue Derricks. Instead, we’re given countless shots of the two men
walking through the cleanest, best-lit jungle in South America. They wade
through waist-deep water, secure in the knowledge that anything like a piranha
or anaconda attack would have been beyond the film’s budget. By the time Holt
and Macklin manage to track Derricks to where he’s being held, *spoiler alert* Derricks has already freed himself by, I kid
you not, burning off his handcuffs by short-circuiting an electrical outlet
with an abandoned McDonald’s wrapper. Take a moment to let that sink in. I’ll
wait.
A major plot point
in the film is that the Colombian government and media accuse Macklin’s unit of
being assassins, who orchestrated the massacre as a way of destabilizing the
nation and solidifying Colombian reliance on American assistance. This is
defiantly a plausible idea…in a better movie, it would turn out to have been
true, with Macklin and company having been set up by corrupt elements within
the American military. That would have been far too much to ask from BEL:C though; not for one moment do we
ever think that the American soldiers are anything less than one hundred
percent in the right. BEL:C even
skates past an obvious moral conflict that should be evident from the film’s
title, namely that Colombia is an ally to the
United States. The Navy SEALs in this film aren’t undergoing a dangerous
mission Behind Enemy Lines- they’re participating in a hostile incursion into a
friendly nation. Considering how strongly the WWE markets to American soldiers,
I can’t help but wonder how many men and women of the armed forces cringed at
being portrayed once again as self-important assholes with no respect for the
rest of the world.
In the end though,
Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia is a
perfectly acceptable popcorn movie, as long as you don’t think about it too
hard. Ignore the whitewashed political ambiguity, ignore the hackneyed plot and
dialogue, ignore the inconsistencies in the details (like guns showing up on
thermal imaging, disappearing bullet holes and road signs nailed to trees in
the middle of fields). Just sit back and enjoy the explosions and the generic
rock music. Watch the film with someone with whom you can crack jokes about the
overacting and the goofy special effects. You may just have a good time- or at
least, you may come to the same conclusion as Diane and I, that BEL:C could have been a lot shittier.
Hell, it could
have been The Marine.
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