Raw Report for Nov 23 – Breakthrough
Monday Night Raw Nov. 23 live at the Giant Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
We
start this 3-hour tri-branded Thanksgiving special with the new Raw
theme and learn WWE Champion John Cena will face CM Punk, but first
Justin Roberts introduces our guest host tonight – Jesse “The Governor”
Ventura.
Except
Randy Orton’s music hit and out walks the disgruntled former champion.
Orton says he knows the normal routine is for the guest host to come
out and then be interrupted, but he doesn’t care. He knows Ventura is
going to make a major announcement involving the WWE title tonight and
has something to say. Orton says his father told him Ventura was a
radical and he asks Ventura to prove that tonight by ending the
stipulation that Orton can no longer face Cena for the title.
Jesse comes out and as he explains, “I’m not dressed like no governor, tonight I’m dressed like pro wrestling.”
Ventura
tells Orton he respects him and he reminds him of himself, but he
because he is a revolutionary man he is bringing something completely
new to WWE tonight. Ventura says for too long the same old guys are
getting shots at the title.
The
next shot won’t go to Orton, Big Show, Triple H, Shawn Michaels or
Chris Jericho. (An audible Kofi chant is heard.) Ventura says tonight
there will qualifying matches with all the participants being
superstars who have never been a world champion before. The winners of
the qualifying matches will go on to a Breakthrough Battle Royal to
determine the No. 1 contender. Orton tells Ventura he’s making a
mistake.
Ventura
says it’s a night of firsts, the first time Cena has met Punk, then for
the first time ever the Hart Dynasty vs D-X and then the first ever
Breakthrough Battle Royal, with the first qualifying match happening
now.
Kofi’s
music hit and he comes down as Orton’s walking up the ramp and the two
stare each other down, but nothing happens as we go to commercial.
We
come back to recap the Orton-Kofi feud and Michael Cole explains the
winner of the battle royal tonight will be the No. 1 contender for
their respective brand, which explains why Dolph Ziggler is introduced
as Kofi’s opponent.
Match 1 – Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match – Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler
takes advantage of Kofi’s high flying early and begins to work over
Kingston’s neck. It’s all Ziggler for most of this match, until Kofi
fights back and lands the Boom Drop, which he does slightly different
tonight – turning in midair over his opponent and hitting him from the
other side. That sets Kofi up to go for Trouble in Paradise, but
Ziggler avoids. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but as he grabs Kofi’s
neck, Kofi grabs for the ropes and Ziggler misses. When Ziggler stands
up, Kofi pops up and nails him with Trouble in Paradise.
Decision – Kofi Kingston def. Dolph Ziggler by way of pinfall and qualifies for the Breakthrough Battle Royal
Over to the announce table and we’re told tonight superstars will share what they’re thankful for.
That
leads to backstage, a Thanksgiving feast and the Miz standing over it.
The United States Champion says he’s thankful the Raw audience adores
him for being the only Raw member to win at Bragging Rights, for being
the captain of a winning team at Survivor Series and being the most
dominant U.S. Champion ever. The Miz says actually he’s not thankful
for any of that, because he expects those things and its the WWE
Universe who should be thankful they have the privilege of watching
him, “Because I’m the Miz and I’m awesome. Happy Thanksgiving.” Off to
commercial…
Back
and we’re recapping Sheamus stuff. Jerry Lawler says he looked into
those eyes last week and the smart thing to do is to avoid trouble so
he won’t be a hero tonight.
Match 2 – Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match – Sheamus v. Finlay
The
beloved Irishman takes the fight right to the Celtic Warrior and knocks
Sheamus out of the ring, wailing away at him. He rolls Sheamus back
into the ring, but as he tries to get back in himself, Sheamus takes
advantage. Sheamus then steamrolls through Finlay in no time and gives
him his version of a Razor’s Edge.
Decision – Sheamus def. Finlay by way of pinfall and qualifies for the Breakthrough Battle Royal
Sheamus
starts walking up the ramp, but then turns around and runs back toward
Finlay. He slams him into the steel steps and then into the security
wall. He gives him his bicycle kick, which sends Finlay into the crowd
and Sheamus follows beating him up some more. Commercial.
Back
to Teddy Long sitting at the Thanksgiving table he begins to say what
he’s thankful for, but Vicki Guerrero interrupts and the camera pans
out to show her sitting next to Teddy with Eric Escobar at her side.
Vicki
says Teddy should be thankful he has someone with her experience and
knowledge helping him run Smackdown now. They tease Long dumping a
bowlful of mashed potatoes onto her, but Escobar unknowingly stops it
from happening.
Back to the announce table so Cole can plug Ventura’s new show Conspiracy Theory and then they show a commercial for it and then backstage.
It’s
Jesse and he’s got several of his old tie-dyed outfits with him. Orton
then walks into the room and says he wants into the Breakthrough
matches and that he himself has been a victim of conspiracy.
Ventura
says he believes Orton, knowing who the boss of WWE is and all, but his
hands are tied because he already made the rules and he said no former
champions. He tells Orton he needs to keep retiring old superstars.
Ventura says that makes him proud, because when he retired, he stayed
retired unlike the others.
Back
to the ring and CM Punk is introduced. Cole mentions how Punk is a
3-time champion. (Does that ever point out how fast these title changes
happen now.) King says Punk asked for this match with Cena.
Punk
gets on the stick and says he’s thankful he’s straight edge, because
that makes him different and he wouldn’t want to be anyone in the
crowd. He says Thanksgiving’s biggest vice is gluttony and talks about
people stuffing their face and then going back for desert. He calls
Cena a turkey and then tells the crowd they can either be like Cm Punk
this Thanksgiving or be their usual lazy, drug consuming selves.
“Through these sober eyes, I CAN SEE YOU,” Punk taunts Cena as we head to commercial.
Match 3 – CM Punk v. WWE Champion John Cena
Cena’s
out with new blue and orange gear with his “Never Give Up,” slogan.
Cole says whoever becomes No. 1 contender tonight will face either Cena
or Undertaker at the Tables, Ladders and Chairs pay-per-view.
Punk
tosses his shirt at Cena. Then he won’t grapple, pulling out the old
school heel tricks to start the match. Finally they lock up and Punk
gets Cena in a headlock. When that breaks up, they both collide with
running shoulder blocks, but while Punk is smarting from it, Cena looks
fine. They lock up again and Punk turns it into his martial arts kick
combo. Cena then hits his running bulldog and quickly goes for the STF,
but Punk escapes outside and not very long into this thing we’re headed
toward commercial.
We
come back to find Punk has Cena on the mat with his legs wrapped around
Cena’s neck. We learn Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment during the
break, but Punk got to the ropes to get out of it. Back live, Cena is
able to stand up from this position and keep Punk wrapped around his
neck until he drops him in an electric chair. Punk gets up first
however and continues his assault. He hits Cena with a neckbreaker and
the announcers explain D-X was working over his surgically repaired
neck last night. More shots by Punk to the neck as the announcing was
dead on this time, Punk sends Cena to the corner, but Cena reaches it
he just puts his foot up on the second turnbuckle and stops himself.
Then
very Hogan-like Cena just goes into his You Can’t See Me routine. He
nails the 5-knuckle shuffle and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but
Punk flips out of it and lands on his feet. Punk quickly grabs Cena for
the Go To Sleep, but as Punk drops him, Cena grabs Punk’s leg and goes
straight into the STF. Punk is struggling….struggling..and reaches
the rope.
After
the referee separates them, Cena goes running toward Punk, but Punk
nails him with a kick to the head for a 1 -2-kickout. Punk delivers
some knees to Cena’s gut, gets him in the corner and delivers the high
knee and goes for the bulldog, but Cena throws Punk across the ring.
Cena climbs the turnbuckle and drops a leg onto Punk’s neck for a
1-2-kickout.
Cena
goes for the Attitude Adjustment again, but Punk fights out and grabs
the rope. Cena lunges at Punk again, but Punk nails him with a jumping
heel kick for a 1-2-kickout.
Cena
gets to the corner and Punk goes charging at him, he lunges and Cena
ducks. Punk’s stretched across the ropes and Cena goes over and climbs
to the second turnbuckle, while grabbing Punk and then delivers the
Attitude Adjustment from the second rope.
Decision – WWE Champion John Cena def. CM Punk by way of pinfall
The
announcers recap this Breakthrough thing as it seems they’re still
trying to figure it out and then we cut to Jesse backstage.
Vince
walks in and says he heard Jesse had something to tell him. Vince says
if it’s to ask for a match like Piper did last week, forget about it.
Jesse
says in his day he wrestled wrestlers and back then Vince was just an
announcer. Jesse says he wants to do something to hit Vince where it
will hurt. He explains tonight is a throwback night and he’s going to
do to Vince what his father did to him. Jesse says Vince’s father had
no confidence in him so he made him an announcer so he couldn’t mess up
his product and tonight that’s what he’s going to do. Jesse shows Vince
an old suit he wants him to wear and the classic red bow-tie that he
used to wear and tells him tonight the two of them are going to be
announcing together as we head to commercial.
Match
4 – Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match – Chavo Guerrero, Chris
Masters and Jack Swagger v. R-Truth and the World’s Strongest Tag Team
Roberts
explains all three members of the winning team will qualify for the
battle royal. Unfortunately it’s not Vince and Jesse on the mics yet as
we start this off with Swagger and Montel Vontavious Porter. It’s
Swagger early, does his amateur wrestling stuff and then MVP attempts
to fight out and go for the tag. Swagger prevents it however and runs
MVP to his corner. Chavo tags in and climbs the turnbuckle, he leaps
and MVP catches him and throws him in one motion. But while Chavo was
up top, Masters had tagged himself in and he blindsides Porter. Chavo
gets tagged back in and he pounds away on MVP. Masters gets a tag and
does some rest moves until MVP fights out of it and gets the tag to
R-Truth. Truth hammers away at Masters and goes for a pinfall, but
Chavo breaks it up. Everyone then hits the ring. Henry throws Chavo out
of the ring onto Swagger and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Masters.
Decision
- R-Truth and The World’s Strongest Tag Team def. Chavo Guerrero, Chris
Masters and Jack Swagger by way of pinfall and qualify for the
Breakthrough Battle Royal
D-X is shown backstage and Trips is staring down HBK is trying to look innocent and won’t look his partner in the eye.
“What was with the kick last night,” Trips finally breaks the silence.
HBK says he thought Trips was going to Pedigree him first and that it was only because it was for the title.
“I have the whole dodgy eye thing going, if it makes you feel better I was aiming for Cena,” HBK jokes.
The
two appear to be letting it rest when someone clears their throat to
get attention. D-X looks down and it’s a little person, who hands them
a small piece of paper. Trips reads it and says D-X is being sued by
Hornswoggle and next week they are to appear on Little People’s Court.
D-X does a few “little” puns and we go to commercial.
Evan
Bourne is introduced and Cole tells us once again what a revolutionary
format this is. (Pushing young stars is not revolutionary.) His
opponent is the now rarely seen Primo. But as Primo begins coming down
the ramp, Orton shows up and takes him out. Orton heads to the ring and
demands the ref to start the match with him in it.
Ventura
shows up on the TitanTron and says Orton has been persistent and rules
are meant to be broken and he of all people knows that so if Orton
beats Bourne, he’s in.
Match 5- Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match – Evan Bourne v. Randy Orton
It’s
Orton early, who’s looking to score a quick pinfall, but can’t get it.
Orton goes for his inverted headlock backbreaker, but Bourne kicks
Orton as he’s doing it and then starts his offensive assault of various
knees. Bourne gets a 2-count after some knees from the top rope. He
then goes for some springboard move, but Orton catches him and midair
and turns it into a powerslam. When Bourne stands up and Orton delivers
the RKO.
Decision – Randy Orton def. Evan Bourne and qualifies for the Breakthrough Battle Royal
We
get a video package of Vince and Ventura moments from when they did
commentary together and come back to see some Divas dressed as American
Indians and Cole tells us when we come back it will be a Mayflower
Melee. (Wow the show really is 3 hours.)
We’re
back with a trailer for The Marine 2 and we see star Ted DiBiase Jr.
backstage with his Legacy partner Cody Rhodes. Cole tells us those two
will face Cryme Tyme later tonight with the winners qualifying for the
Breakthrough Battle Royal.
But
first it’s the Thanksgiving Mayflower Melee as Roberts introduces it.
First he introduces the Pilgrims and out come Michelle McCool, Layla
and Jillian dressed as pilgrims and not looking happy.
This
bit gets even worse as McCool gets a mic, although she does say
something I agree with – that this may be the stupidest thing they’ve
ever had the Divas do before.
Roberts
then introduces the special guest time keeper – the Gobbledy Gooker and
we head to commercial to stretch this segment even further.
Back
with a recap of the Gooker’s first appearance in 1990 and Lawler and
Cole debating over how to pronounce Gooker. Finally “The Indians” are
introduced (very PC) and out come Melina, Mickie James and Kelly Kelly
to Tatanka’s old music.
Match
6 – Thanksgiving Mayflower Melee – The Pilgrims (Michelle McCool, Layla
and Jillian) v. The Indians (Mickie James, Kelly Kelly and Melina)
Jillian
and Melina start the match, which is just a normal 3-on-3 Diva’s match,
but with stupid costumes. Usual shit you would expect until Melina goes
to the corner and starts fighting with the heels. She knocks both
McCool and Layla off the apron, who then decide to leave. As Jillian’s
wondering why her partners left, Melina bridges her for a pin as only
these two ever get into this match.
Decision – The Indians def. The Pilgrims by way of pinfall in a Thanksgiving Mayflower Melee
Lawler
then enters the ring with the Gooker and says he wants to interview one
of the winners. He starts talking to Melina and the Gooker takes off
the head and whacks Melina’s with it.
Cole
then points out it’s Maryse dressed as the Gooker who proceeds to
wallop Melina with the head. Then Maryse takes off the rest of the
outfit, which takes fucking forever, but worth it as she has on some
real, REAL, short shorts. She’s throws the costume on top of Melina and
takes off. Cole says Maryse has been missing since she lost the Diva’s
title in July and left because she was depressed over losing the belt
as we head to commercial.
Match 7 – D-X v. Hart Dynasty w/Natalya
It’s
Tyson Kidd and Michaels to start this off as HBK is going to do all the
work here. All Harts for most of this match with Kidd and David Hart
Smith getting in all the offense on Shawn. Quite a few nice-double team
moves until finally HBK and Smith ram heads and both fall over. Both
men crawl to their corners for tags and Trips gets the most of Kidd
with a high knee and eventually a spinebuster to him and Smith. Finish
comes soon after as Smith grabs Trips, Kidd heads to the ropes for a
springboard. HBK saves Trips by delivering Sweet Chin Music perfectly
positioned to Smith, while at the same time Kidd is springing off the
ropes. Trips turns around and meets him with a kick to the gut and
straight into the Pedigree.
Decision – D-X def. The Hart Dynasty by way of pinfall
D-X is celebrating in the ring as evidently there’s no breakup and then Jericho’s music hits.
Jericho
comes out mock applauding D-X and says Ventura informed him earlier
that at the TLC pay-per-view, JeriShow will defend the Unified Tag Team
Championship against D-X. Jericho says Show’s on a personal day, but he
speaks for both of them…
Trips
cuts off Jericho and says he knows where Show is, because they’re in
Hershey, he’s probably ate too much at the chocolate factory.
Jericho says it’s always about jokes with D-X, but this is serious.
HBK
says it is serious and that Ventura didn’t Jericho that their match
will be a TLC match. HBK also calls the titles the United Tag Team
Championships and says at the pay-per-view there will be tables
matches, ladder matches and chairs matches (whatever those are). “If
you’re not down with that…”
Jericho
interrupts and starts screaming ENOUGH, I’m sick of your stupid catch
phrases then does his bit about being the best in the world at what he
does and him and Show being the most dominant tag team in WWE history.
Jericho says for all D-X has accomplished they have never been tag team
champions and as long as he holds the belts they never will be.
Cut
to Batista backstage and we’re told when we come back from commercial
the Animal will comment on what he did to Mysterio last night.
Back
from commercial and Rey’s music hits, the place pops, and Batista comes
out laughing. Batista says Rey won’t be here tonight and he’ll be
spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. He says he’s here to put
everyone on notice and that a Raw guy better win tonight, because if a
Smackdown superstar wins, he’ll hit the ring so fast they’ll wish they
never did. He says the Undertaker and the World Heavyweight
Championship are his and no one alive is going to stop…
Kane’s
music hits and the Big Red Monster makes his way down. Kane asks
Batista what exactly constitutes disrespecting him and does
interrupting his empty threats embarrass him. Kane says he hopes it
does because he wants to see what Batista does to make an example out
of him. Batista walks away slowly and then leaves the ring entirely and
we go to commercial.
Match 8 – Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifyingg Match – Cryme Tyme v. The Legacy
We’re
told the winner of this match will be the final two men into the battle
royal. Tough spot for these four as the crowd’s pretty wiped. JTG and
Rhodes start off. JTG gets his Mug Shot, but then it’s all Legacy after
DiBiase gets in a blind tag. Multiple quick tags by Legacy who work
over JTG. Finally the tag comes to Shad, who catches DiBiase in midair
and then puts him up and delivers a powerbomb. Rhodes breaks up the
pin. JTG runs in and takes Rhodes out of the ring. Shad runs up and
takes JTG out of the ring. DiBiase comes up from behind Shad and give
him DreamStreet.
Decision – The Legacy def. Cryme Tyme by way of pinfall and qualify for the Breakthrough Battle Royal
Before
we head off to commercial, we’re told following the match there will be
a contract signing in the ring, this break also features a commercial
for Jeff Hardy’s DVD.
Back
at the arena and we’re backstage with Gail Kim and Alicia Fox are doing
some dumb argument about what they’re thankful for and I’m thankful
Santino Marella interrupts them.
“This time of year you shouldn’t be fighting you should be cooking,” Santino tells them.
|”I’m Santino Marella and this Thanksgiving I crave the breast….of turkey,” he says.
The
bit then leads to Santino getting some pies in the face. Then the Bella
Twins coming in and Santino pissing them off and getting more pies to
the face and then Eve Torres and another pie. Vicki walks in with a pie
to slam in Santino’s face, but he unknowingly because he can’t see
flails his arms up in the air and Vicki’s own pie hits her in the face.
Back
at the ring, Roberts introduces our commentary team of Ventura and the
bow-tied Vince McMahon. Kofi gets his intro on TV again and we head to
commercial.
Come back to everyone in the ring except Orton, who comes out and we’re ready to go.
Main
Event – Breakthrough Battle Royal – Winner becomes No. 1 contender for
their brand’s title – Cody Rhodes v. Kofi Kingston v. Mark Henry v.
Montel Vontavious Porter v. Randy Orton v. R-Truth v. Sheamus v. Ted
DiBiase
As
you would expect Legacy and Orton go straight after Kofi, but the best
part of this match is remembering how great Ventura was on commentary.
Vince is even using his old voice and not the Mr. McMahon voice and
Jesse gives up a “shut up McMahon,” for old time’s sake.
Very
early into this match, Orton decides to split and stands outside the
ring for a few minutes. Sheamus throws out R-Truth for the first
elimination and then Orton comes back in and goes after Kofi.
The
next elimination comes when MVP throws DiBiase, but when he stands up
he’s met with a bicycle kick from Sheamus and Porter’s out.
Henry
starts fighting with Sheamus and picks him up to toss him out, but the
Legacy come to the rescue. They battle with Henry and go for a
double-clothesline to knock the big man out, but Henry ducks and
delivers his own double clothesline to take out both members of Legacy.
Sheamus then comes running at Henry and manages to knock him out and it’s down to three men, Sheamus, Kofi and Orton.
Sheamus
watches as Kofi and Orton battle. Eventually he decides to get involved
and goes after Orton, but Randy gives him his backbreaker move and
Sheamus is back out of commission. Orton and Kofi are going at it once
again and Kingston does his turnbuckle leap, but Orton ducks and flips
Kofi over the ropes.
Kofi’s
feet never touch and he begins to pull himself back up, Orton sees this
and runs over to shove him, but Kofi grabs Orton by his legs and pulls
him out and over for the elimination.
An
eliminated Orton begins staring down at Kofi, who’s barking back at him
and Sheamus comes running from behind and clears Kofi out of the ring.
Decision – Sheamus win an 8-man Breakthrough Battle Royal and becomes No. 1 contender for the WWE Championship
We’re told when we get back from commercial we’ll have the contract signing.
When
we come back we learn Verne Troyer aka Mini-Me will be the special
guest host. (Ah, that explains the Little People’s Court with
Hornswoggle.)
The
ring’s set up in the usual contract signing way and Jesse calls out the
champ. Cena says when he faces a No. 1 contender it’s usually a future
Hall of Famer and then says Sheamus hasn’t done anything, but beat up
small wrestlers and ringside workers. Cena starts doing that thing
where he yells and tells Sheamus when he faces him he’ll have his
chance to make a statement.
Sheamus says he retires people because he can. The two sign the contract.
Ventura
says he thinks there’s been a conspiracy in WWE to keep Cena the
champion, because he’s the perfect good guy. Ventura says he never got
a chance to be a champion, because he wasn’t like Cena. He gets in a
stare down with Cena and Sheamus comes up and blindsides Cena.
Sheamus throws Cena into the ring post and then powerslams him through the table as Ventura shouts, “Look at your champion.”
Sheamus stands over Cena with the title.
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