TNA Impact Report for Feb 11
Just when we had all forgotten
the terrible mess that was last week’s Impact, this week’s show
forces us to relive that experience again with a recap to kick things
off. This highlight package emphasizes the “shocking” betrayal
of Kevin Nash by Scott Hall and 6-Pac, who, although working without
contracts, still get more air time than most of the TNA roster.
The man in charge, Hulk Hogan,
then greets the Impact zone and claims he made the right decision to
come to TNA (but did TNA make the right decision to sign him?). He says
everywhere he goes, there are people constantly talking about TNA (mostly
about how terrible it is). He then brings our attention once again to
what happened last week and claims that Hall and 6-Pac are definitely
on the outs with the company and they have been banned from the Impact
zone. He goes as far as saying that he’s placed security all over
the building to ensure that the two of them don’t sneak in and nobody
else can get out (sorry about your luck Nash). He says last week, Hall
and X-Pac (that’s right, he said X-Pac) definitely crossed the line,
by brutally attacking their former friend Kevin Nash (was it really
that brutal?). He says if by any chance, the two of them manage to somehow
get in the building, they’d have to deal with Hogan. This brings out
Eric Young of all people. As the fans start chanting “underrated,”
Young reminds Hogan who he is and lets him know that himself and Kevin
Nash have become really close in recent months. He says he knows that
friends are hard to find in this business, so he wants to do a favour
for his friend and make sure that Hall and 6-Pac get what they have
coming to them and basically requests for Hogan to reconsider banning
them from the building. Hogan sarcastically asks if it’s his turn
yet (I believe your turn was about 25 years ago Hulk). Hogan says he
is well aware of who Eric Young is and where he’s going (well, Hogan’s
0 for 2 thus far). He says Hall and 6-Pac have been given their last
warning, and they are not getting in the building. Young says he then
has to go out and do what Kevin would do (I guess he’s going home
then?). He says if they’re not permitted to come to him, he’s going
to go to them. Hogan says as long as it’s off property and on the
outside, he gives Young full permission to bust them up really bad.
Mick Foley then arrives at
the building and asks one of the stage hands where Eric Bischoff is.
She directs him to the office.
Cameras in the parking garage
show Hall and 6-Pac sneaking around like a couple of cat burglars, trying
to find a way in.
Match #1: Pope D’Angelo Dinero
vs. Orlando Jordan in a qualifying match for the Super 8 Card Stud tournament
The match starts with some
taunting and Pope quickly takes early advantage with a hiptoss, followed
by an armdrag and then a flip, flop, fly elbow combination, shades of
Dusty Rhodes. Jordan shifts the momentum with a thumb to the eye and
then drops Pope with a chopblock, followed by a swinging neckbreaker
and a spinout backbreaker. The fans then start chanting “you still
suck!” directed at Jordan, which was pretty funny. Pope comes back
with an inverted atomic drop and a high shoulderblock. He then delivers
a pimp slap and then a move known as the coronation, where he positions
Jordan neck-first against the middle rope and runs across the ring,
sliding through the middle rope to the outside, while dropping all of
his body weight on Jordan’s neck in the process, which gets him a
two-count. Jordan responds with a spinebuster, only to fall victim to
a two-punch combo, which sets up the DDE (D’Angelo Dinero Express),
giving Pope the win.
Winner: Pope D’Angelo Dinero
by pinfall
Eric Bischoff is greeted in
his office by Jeff Jarrett, who returns after a one week absence. Bischoff
very insincerely tells Jarrett that he was impressed with the match
he had with Ken Anderson a couple weeks ago. Jarrett then asks for one
of the remaining spots in the #1 contender’s tournament, to which
Bischoff responds that if Jarrett were to win three matches in that
one night and become number one contender, it would not be starting
at the bottom, which is where he plans for Jarrett to start. Bischoff
advises Jarrett to get to the gym and work hard and maybe one day, he’ll
get there. Jarrett reluctantly accepts the advice and just leaves (I
guess we now know who’s calling the shots).
Match #2: Suicide vs. Matt
Morgan in a qualifying match for the Super 8 Card Stud tournament
There isn’t much to speak
of in the early going, until Morgan delivers a fallaway slam, followed
by a series of back elbows in the corner. He then delivers an avalanche,
and picks Suicide up for a sidewalk slam, but just drops him instead.
Morgan then positions Suicide’s neck across the top rope and runs
across, draping a leg across Suicide’s back. Suicide finally gets
some offence going with a springboard missile dropkick for two. Morgan
attempts a chokeslam, but Suicide flips 360, which was a great spot.
Suicide dropkicks Morgan again, but Morgan just ricochets off the ropes
and delivers the carbon footprint for the win.
Winner: Matt Morgan by pinfall
Mick Foley walks up to the
Bischoff/Hogan office and actually knocks on the door. He then greets
Bischoff as Mr. Bischoff, saying that if this is the kind of behaviour
he needs to have in order to ensure the safety of JB and Abyss’ jobs,
then he’s on board. Bischoff says it’s good to hear and then says
with two spots left in the #1 contender’s tournament, he’s giving
one of those spots to Abyss. But before Foley leaves, Bischoff tells
him that Abyss’ opponent in the tournament will be a true legend in
this business, Mick Foley. Foley reluctantly accepts the offer. Bischoff
then says that the flannel needs to go and also that if Foley and Abyss
have some idea to pull a fast one, then Abyss’ mask is coming off.
As Foley leaves, Bischoff delivers one final warning not to cross him.
Christy Hemme is standing between
Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson, who will face each other in the tournament
at Against All Odds, but will be partners for tonight’s match. She
asks how they will be able to co-exist. Anderson takes over the interview,
saying he’s not too worried about it, because he’s had to carry
so many partners over the years, which has resulted in so many of his
injuries, and he’s learned to deal with that negative. But he adds
that in three days, he will burn through every one of his opponents
and eventually become TNA World Heavyweight Champion. Angle says he
doesn’t know what Anderson’s intentions are, but he’s going to
have eyes in the back of his head tonight, and if Anderson gets out
of line, he’ll snap his ankle faster than that ridiculous microphone
drops from the sky. Anderson mocks Angle after he leaves and then a
mic drops from out of nowhere and Anderson does his usual self-introduction
once again.
Eric Young is pacing back and
forth in the locker room, as he’s approached by an intense Kurt Angle,
who says he respects what Eric is standing up for, but this is a fight
that he can’t win. Angle says he knows Hogan is going to be lurking
in the darkness somewhere. Young asks Angle if that means he’s coming
along. Angle says for Young to stay behind and let Angle go alone. This
irritates Young, who punches a locker after Angle takes off.
Match #3: Amazing Red vs. Doug
Williams for the X-Division title
Williams tries a single-leg
to start things off, but Red counters with an enzugiri, and then delivers
a pair of low dropkicks; the first to the knees and the second to the
head. Red tries a handsprings maneuver, but Williams catches him in
a wheelbarrow and just drives Red’s head into the mat with a series
of faceplants. Williams then locks in a figure-four headlock and turns
on his chest to once again drive Red’s face into the mat for two.
Red attacks in retaliation with a corkscrew plancha, followed by a missile
dropkick for two. He then flies across the ring, but Williams sidesteps
him and Red gets lawn-darted shoulder-first into the ring post, allowing
Williams to deliver the rollup into a German suplex with a bridge (or
maybe a London bridge? Just throwing it out there) for the win.
Winner: Doug Williams by pinfall
Christy Hemme is backstage
with Tara and Angelina Love, who are scheduled to face The Beautiful
People in a handicap match. Love says her and Tara might not have seen
eye to eye at first, but the past is the past and they’ve both had
enough of TBP, and it’s going to get really ugly tonight.
Match #4: Tara and Angelina
Love vs. The Beautiful People in a handicap match
Angelina is about to start
with her former BFF Velvet Sky, who thinks better about it and makes
Angelina chase her around ringside. Lacey Von Erich cuts Angelina off
and gets a fist to the chest for her efforts. Madison Rayne then receives
a boot from the former BP leader, but it allows Velvet to hotshot Angelina
and take control. Tara then comes in and delivers a snap suplex to Madison
Rayne, but then rolls into a guillotine choke, which was very innovative.
It was broken up though and TBP attempt to regroup on the outside, but
the group hug is broken up as both Tara and Angelina deliver a pair
of baseball slides. TBP gain the advantage with a triple team on Tara.
Lacey finally comes in with what looked like it was going to be a moonsault,
but she lands on her feet and delivers an elbow drop (what was the point
of that?) for two. Angelina comes back in and cleans house of TBP and
delivers a bicycle kick to Velvet, but Madison Rayne gets on Tara’s
back with a rear naked choke, distracting the referee, and allowing
Lacey Von Erich to deliver a shot with the ugly stick to Angelina. Velvet
rolls on top for the win.
Winners: The Beautiful People
by pinfall
After the match, TBP also lay
out Tara with the ugly stick.
Christy is backstage with Desmond
Wolfe, who says that a famous American movie star once said that life
is like a box of chocolates. Wolfe says he doesn’t think it’s like
a box of chocolates at all; he thinks it’s like a poker game. He says
tonight’s match features a four of a kind, but only one of them can
be the number one contender and it’s going to be him. He then runs
through his opponents for the night, saying Kurt Mangled is a great
athlete, but he almost ended his career twice. He then says there’s
also Super Maxi Pad (hilarious!) and of course the man who came into
TNA that has everybody talking about him, and his name is Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
… wait for it…Wolfe! Desmond Wolfe! And then he adds that there’s
also a man who enjoys talking about himself a lot. Wolfe says the other
three participants in tonight’s match will be lucky if they even make
it to the pay per view on Sunday, because Wolfe says he will end them
(how come this guy isn’t already the #1 contender?).
Cameras pan to the parking
garage, where Hall and 6-Pac continue to sneak around (both Beer Money
and The Motor City Machine Guns must be fuming right now).
Match #5: Kurt Angle and Mr.
Anderson vs. Hernandez and Desmond Wolfe
Hernandez starts the match
for his team in aggressive fashion, using his shirt to crackerjack Anderson
halfway across the ring. Anderson quickly tags out and Angle and Hernandez
exchange hammerlocks, with the big man getting the better of the situation.
Angel seeks sanctuary in the ropes, but receives a swift kick to the
funny bone (nothing funny about that) by Wolfe. Hernandez then takes
exception to his partner’s actions. Wolfe tags himself in though and
delivers a hammerlock legsweep to Angle, who retaliates with a German
suplex. Hernandez tags back in and delivers a slingshot shoulderblock.
He then loads Angle up in a Canadian backbreaker position, but just
drops down to his knees with Angle across his back. Wolfe comes back
in and applies an overhand wristlock, placing his left foot behind Angle’s
neck. Angle brilliantly counters though into the ankle lock, but in
an unprecedented term of events, Angle’s own partner Mr. Anderson
distracts the referee, who does not see Wolfe tapping out. This allows
Wolfe enough time to counter with a roll through, sending Angle face-first
into the turnbuckles. Hernandez tags in and heads upstairs, but Angle
meets him up there with a belly-to-belly throw. Both men then look to
make tags. Anderson jumps off the apron and refuses to tag in. Wolfe
accepts the tag on his end, but is victimized by an overhead belly-to-belly
suplex. Angle then runs across the ring and belts his partner Mr. Anderson
and then clotheslines Hernandez over the top to the outside. Wolfe then
delivers a hammerlock DDT for two. He then sets Angle up for the tower
of London, but Angle counters into an Angle slam. Anderson tags himself
in and kicks Angle in the midsection and tosses him to the floor (I
guess those eyes at the back of Angle’s head must have been closed).
Anderson then picks up the win over Wolfe. Excellent finish!
Winners: Kurt Angle and Mr.
Anderson by pinfall
Samoa Joe comes out next and
doesn’t waste any time calling out AJ. Styles comes out in what looked
to be a brand new suit, as he’s accompanied by his advisor, Ric Flair.
Joe says he never thought he’d say this, but AJ actually disgusts
him. He says they’ve known each other for a long time and for years,
people we’re talking about the two youngest and hottest talents in
the world and the two best in the world and it was always Samoa Joe
and AJ Styles. He says AJ used to mean everything to the fans, but he
gave it all up and walked out on everything. Joe says he used to earn
everything he got, but a few weeks ago, when he and Kurt Angle had a
chance to compete to see who was the best in the world, AJ decided to
take a shortcut and through it all away. Flair then grabs the microphone
and says he wasn’t going to talk (thank God he changed his mind),
but he wants to remind Joe that AJ is still the champ. Flair says he’s
the flagship of this company and Joe will learn respect. Joe then invites
Flair to come try and teach him some respect, but he says he can walk
in the ring, but he’ll be limping straight to the hospital. He says
AJ was the last pure thing in TNA, but he cheated the fans out of the
champion that they deserve. AJ takes exception to that and says Joe’s
history isn’t exactly perfect either, as he’s turned more coats
than a drycleaner. He then asks Joe who he is to judge the champ. Joe
says the difference between him and AJ is whenever some fresh face comes
into the company, Joe is always there to get right in his face, while
AJ drops to his knees and is the first to pucker up and kiss the ring
of his new sugar daddy. Apparently “them be fighting words” as AJ
loses the glasses, the jacket and even the tie (oh no he didn’t).
Flair tries to hold AJ back, but AJ’s ego gets the best of him and
he falls right into Joe’s trap, allowing Joe to beat the hell out
of him, until Flair delivers a low blow, allowing AJ to stomp away at
the fallen number one contender. Flair delivers some cheap shots too
and ends the segment with a “whooooooooooo!”
AJ’s apparently regained
his composure backstage and his suit and is talking to one of his ladies
on his brand new cell phone, as he’s cockblocked by Eric Bischoff,
who informs him that before he goes out to celebrate, he should know
that given the history between himself and Samoa Joe and the recent
history of himself and title matches, Bischoff and Hogan have decided
to name a special guest referee for his title match at Against All Odds.
Bischoff then appoints himself as the referee, saying he’s going to
call it right down the line (I smell a swerve). AJ then calls Flair
and says they have a problem.
Kurt Angle is then on his way
out of the building to confront Hall and 6-Pac. Hogan stops him and
says it’s not going to happen that way. Angle says he knew it was
a mistake for Dixie to get involved with Hogan to begin with and they
couldn’t trust him. Hogan says if he’s going to do this, it needs
to be done in his house (Hogan unlocks the back door so Hall and 6-Pac
could get in), so Angle could at least have some back up, if things
get out of hand (yet he showed no concern for sending Eric Young to
the wolves. In all fairness, he probably forgot Young’s name by the
time this segment came around). Angle says Hogan’s the boss, and he’ll
see all three of them in the ring.
Angle comes out to the ring
and calls out Hall and 6-Pac, saying he’s waiting for them. The two
of them come through the crowd for some reason, even though Hogan unlocked
the door for them. Angle is doing pretty well in the early going, until
6-Pac pulls out some brass knuckles and lets Angle have it. Hogan then
comes out and signals that he’s on board with Hall and 6-Pac, who
give him the NWO hand signal. Hogan gets in the ring and puts on the
brass knuckles as Hall holds Angle in place, but Hogan drops Hall instead
and then delivers a shot to 6-Pac. Hogan then stands over the three
of them, with a fallen Angle looking confused as the show goes off the
air.
Final thoughts:
After reading the preview, this was a much better show than that I thought
it would be. I really, really enjoyed Desmond Wolfe’s promo. I don’t
know why this guy isn’t the champion already. He single-handedly got
the tournament concept over at Against All Odds. I also liked the tag
main event, especially the ending, as all four guys came out looking
strong. I liked how Anderson snuck in at the end and won, in typical
heel fashion. I also liked the Angelina Love promo and I’m so glad
she’s back. The segment with Joe and AJ was very effective as well
and I also liked the match with Red against Doug Williams. There weren’t
too many bad things to mention here. I hope this is the last we see
of Orlando Jordan. I didn’t like the ending at all, specifically because
Hogan not only opens the show, but closes it as well in an angle that
doesn’t even make sense. Is it even leading to a match? I hope not.
Anyway, not a bad job tonight. 7 out of 10.
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