TNA Impact Report for Feb 18
Much like last week’s Impact,
this one starts with Hogan as well, except there’s been a change of
scenery. Footage from earlier is shown of Hogan and Dixie Carter conducting
some kind of press conference in the Impact Zone, announcing the move
of Impact to Monday nights.
From there, we are graced by
the presence of the new number one contender Pope D’Angelo Dinero
(I hate when they dim the lights whenever someone cuts a promo to open
the show). Dinero says he’s here for the party, but is still wondering
whether everyone’s excited because he’s here, or if they’re excited
because the Pope is pimpin’ (it’s a mystery isn’t it?). Pope comes
with a great line that he walked into Against All Odds and was able
to defy those odds, by overcoming every obstacle that was placed before
him. He says now that he’s number one contender, the only thing he
has left to do is claim the biggest bling of all (referring to the TNA
World title) and the only man he has left to beat is the man he refers
to as “Arthur ‘I have no class’ Jackson” (AJ Styles) and his
corner man Dick Flair. Pope then acknowledges that he just had a slip
up with the names, but says it’s because Ric is a dick. This of course
brings out AJ and Flair, accompanied by a bevy of beauties as always
and coming to the ring to a new remix of Flair’s traditional music.
Flair begins the rebuttal in controversial fashion, by asking Pope if
he can read or write. He says in case Pope can read, his suit clearly
says Armani, because his name is Ric Flair. Flair says ever since Pope
was a toddler, he dreamed of one day becoming just like Ric Flair. He
says since their victory at Against All Odds, he’s been exhausted
due to all the celebrations. Flair then says the TNA World title means
that AJ Styles is the greatest athlete alive. Pope says he really hates
to repeat himself, but Flair is still a dick. He says there’s an old
saying that if you take a piece of crap and shine it up and cover it
in all this expensive material and jewelry, at the end of the day, it’s
still a piece of crap. Flair says Pope is nothing but a street thug
and that AJ has more money invested in this one suit, than Pope’s
parents have invested in green stamps. Pope says he knows why Flair
is exhausted and he knows why AJ is exhausted, but the only reason the
ladies are exhausted is because they’ve been riding the starlight
express all night long (I guess that’s the new space mountain). AJ
sarcastically says that Pope must think he’s really funny. He says
Pope is a nobody who’s going nowhere. Very few words later, Pope has
had enough talk and lashes out at AJ with a right hand, but eventually
the numbers are too much for even Pope to handle, as Flair and AJ beat
him down. The timekeeper then awkwardly rings the bell (I don’t know
what for). Flair then takes a chair and places Pope’s ankle through
the hole of the chair and stomps down on it, shades of Steve Austin.
AJ then applies the figure-four, as Flair grabs Pope by the arms and
stretches him out, as if his limbs were attached to multiple teams of
dogsled racers. Very effective segment!
Match #1: Tara vs. Daffney
The match really doesn’t
get going, until Tara scoops Daffney up with a firewoman’s carry and
plants her with a spinning sidewalk slam for two. She follows it up
with a back body drop and then loses her top (she has a tank top underneath,
so don’t go too crazy), but eats a spinkick from Daffney, as she follows
her to the corner. Both women retreat to the outside, where Daffney
finds a toolbox, which she uses on Tara for the DQ finish.
Winner: Tara by disqualification
After the match, Daffney drags
Tara all over the arena and continues a vicious attack. She then throws
one of the guardrails on top of Tara and repeatedly beats it with a
chair, rendering the Knockout champion unconscious, as Dr. Stevie has
to restrain Daffney.
Mick Foley walks into Eric
Bischoff’s office, where two unknown people are waiting with Bischoff.
Foley apologizes for what happened at Against All Odds, saying he knows
Bischoff wanted him to use the bat and he tried. Bischoff seems in the
best of moods, as he tells Foley not to worry about it, because he tried
his best. He then suggests for him to take his look to another level,
introducing him to the two people in his office, who are apparently
tailors, as they take Foley’s measurements. Bischoff sends Foley on
a bit of a shopping spree, to get a makeover, so to speak. Foley thanks
Bischoff for his time and leaves. Bischoff’s smile then turns upside
down, as he gets on the phone and aggressively orders the person on
the other line to get Abyss in his office immediately.
Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe
OJ apparently has some nightclub
gimmick, as he’s accompanied by some of his clubbing brethren, as
the case may be. Joe doesn’t come out to music, so cameras pan to
the back, where they catch Joe having a discussion with Eric Bischoff
(I thought he was waiting for Abyss?). Bischoff says Joe really blew
a great opportunity at the pay per view on Sunday (wasn’t that kind
of Bischoff’s fault?) and he better step things up and show some of
that Samoan aggression that Bischoff says he keeps hearing about. Bischoff
says Joe has yet another opportunity tonight against Orlando Jordan
and Bischoff dares Joe to impress him. Joe begins the beat down on Jordan
immediately, but OJ comes back with a throat thrust, to which Joe answers
back with a jumping leg lariat. OJ responds with a spinebuster and then
a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a kneedrop for two. Joe delivers
a back body drop, followed by a running high knee in the corner. He
puts Jordan in position for the muscle buster, but before delivering
the move, he just beats the tar out of Jordan, while on the turnbuckle.
The referee gets in Joe’s way, causing a distraction and allowing
OJ to deliver a tornado backstabber for the upset win (YOU’VE GOTTA
BE KIDDING ME!).
Winner: Orlando Jordan by pinfall
Abyss is then shown pacing
through the hallways, as paranoid as ever. He runs into JB and asks
if he knows what Bischoff wants to see him about. JB says he hasn’t
got a clue, making Abyss even more worried.
After the break, Bischoff is
reading Abyss the riot act. He says he warned Abyss what would happen
if he pulled his usual shenanigans. Abyss says he didn’t want to hurt
Mick, but he did use the tacks. Bischoff says he asked him to use the
bat, not the tacks, and therefore, the mask is coming off tonight. Abyss
starts pleading with Bischoff not to take the mask off, but Bischoff
isn’t hearing any of it and says that the mask will be off by the
end of the show, and in case Abyss decides to make a run for it, Bischoff
has security placed all over the building, so there’s nowhere for
Abyss to go, and maybe next time, Abyss will listen to him when he’s
told what to do.
Christy Hemme is with Eric
Young in the backstage area and asks if he’s talked to Nash. He says
Nash is here tonight to confront Scott Hall and 6 Pac (why are they
still being allowed on television?). Young calls Hall and 6 Pac spineless
slugs and says if they have any guts, they’ll meet Nash face to face
tonight.
Bischoff is then shown with
Jeff Jarrett, and orders him to use the barbwire bat on Abyss tonight,
saying he’s sure Jarrett won’t disappoint him.
Match #3: Doug Williams, Brian
Kendrick and The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Amazing Red, Generation
Me and Kaz
Well what do you know? The
Guns are back. However, this is billed as being the return of Kaz. Tenay
and Taz both question where he’s been (perhaps Suicide has an answer
for that). Williams attacks Kaz from behind to kick things off. Kaz
then leaps over Williams and pulls him to the mat by his shoulders.
There’s a great spot where Generation Me perform synchronized back
flips and follow up with a double low dropkick to Kendrick. The Machine
Guns won’t be outdone though as they deliver a kneedrop/backsplash
combo on Max. Red then delivers a tilt-a-whirl DDT on Shelley, but catches
a high knee in the corner from Williams, followed by a snap suplex.
Kaz tags in and delivers a tilt-a-whirl neckbreaker for two. Max then
delivers a slide-through dropkick to Kendrick on the outside and then
skins the cat to the halfway mark, as Jeremy leaps over his partner’s
legs with an unbelievable suicide dive on Kendrick. Kaz delivers a slingshot
DDT to Williams for the win.
Winners: Kaz, Generation Me
and Amazing Red by pinfall
Abyss has located the exit,
which isn’t being guarded at all. He tries to escape, but is stopped
by Slick Johnson, who says he has a match up next, which Abyss is extremely
worried about.
Match #4: Abyss vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jarrett comes to the ring without
any entrance music yet again, and holding the barbwire baseball bat
in hand. Abyss tries the shock treatment early on, but Jarrett escapes
and delivers an enzugiri. They make it outside, where a chair is used
by Abyss, who then sees the bat and pushes it farther away from him.
Both guys think alike and drop each other with clotheslines, as Bischoff
comes out to get a closer look. Back from commercial, Jarrett comes
off the top, but Abyss catches him and delivers a chokeslam for two.
Jarrett then retaliates with the stroke, followed by a second stroke
against a chair, positioned between the corner ropes. Bischoff then
looks at Jarrett and instructs him to use the bat. Jarrett is reluctant
and just throws the bat down. Bischoff then says Jarrett asked for this.
All of a sudden, about five guys come down and beat on both Abyss and
Jarrett. Among the group are Desmond Wolfe (what a waste), Homicide,
Rhino and Tomko.
Winner: No contest?
Bischoff then has his cronies
hold Abyss in place, as he attempts to remove the mask. But then Hogan
of course comes out to save the day and says he’ll take it from here.
He aggressively orders Abyss back to his office.
After the break, security is
shown escorting Abyss to Hogan’s headquarters (it looks like Abyss
is on death row or something, right after his last rites).
Match #5: Big Rob Terry and
Brutus Magnus vs. Beer Money Inc. (welcome back!)
Big Rob has apparently captured
the Global Championship on an overseas tour, as if it mattered (I guess
the World Elite is no more?). Storm is on fire in the early going, until
a cheapshot from Rob on the outside allows the Brits to take control.
Rob delivers a powerslam, but Magnus orders Rob to tag him in and Magnus
picks up two. Roode then comes in and delivers a spinebuster. Beer Money
then deliver a double suplex on Big Rob, followed by their “Beer!
Money!” salute. Roode backdrops his own partner over the top, as Storm
lands with a plancha on Big Rob, allowing Beer Money to deliver the
DWI on Magnus for the win.
Winners: Beer Money Inc. by
pinfall
After the match, Rob takes
the microphone and hands it to Magnus, who yells at him for not being
able to do anything right. Magnus says he is Rob’s superior and he
should be Global Champion. Rob takes exception to this and drops Magnus
with a devastating clothesline and then holds the belt over his fallen
comrade.
Kevin Nash is then shown pacing
back and forth in the former Main Event Mafia office, which is apparently
now open to all TNA employees and their families as word would have
it.
Abyss is then shown anxiously
waiting in Hogan’s office, as Hogan storms in and orders Abyss to
sit down. Bischoff is about to come in, but Hogan orders him out (way
to put your foot down). Hogan says he’s sick of Abyss shaking all
the time and being worried all the time. He says it all stops now. Hogan
says just like Superman has his cape to give him strength and Popeye
has his spinach to give him strength, Abyss should have something too
(I don’t like where this is going). Hogan says Abyss needs to unleash
the monster inside, but in order to do so, he needs something special
to carry with him at all times, to give him strength. Hogan then removes
his Hall of Fame ring and says he wants Abyss to have it. Hogan says
he’s placing the power of the universe in Abyss’ hands and he now
has the strength of every Hulkamaniac. Hogan then leaves and Abyss says
he is a monster and lets out a scream followed by a girlish giggle.
This was such a waste of time.
Match #6: Daniels vs. Kurt
Angle
Daniels attacks Angle early
(seems to be a recurring theme), but Angle fights back, countering a
sunset flip into the ankle lock, forcing Daniels to tap out (that’s
it?).
Winner: Kurt Angle by submission
After the match, Angle takes
the microphone and addresses Ken Anderson. He cuts an emotional promo,
as he even breaks down into tears, trying to explain what the tag that
he carries represents. He says he received it, when he was visiting
a military base and hearing the soldiers’ stories. He says it’s
very special to him, because it represents bravery, and when Ken Anderson
spit on it, he spit on the entire country. Angle says for that, he intends
to make Anderson suffer. He tells Anderson that he’ll see him in hell.
Anderson then comes out and mocks Angle’s speech, saying that tag
is nothing but a hunk of garbage to him, just like Kurt Angle. He says
it was nothing more than a utensil that he used to carve into Angle’s
flesh and make him bleed. Anderson says he enjoyed making Angle bleed
and if Angle has a problem with it, he should come up the ramp and do
something about it. Angle immediately answers the challenge and delivers
a couple of straight punches, until Anderson cuts him off with a knee
to the midsection, and then targets the injured forehead of Angle, and
drops him after a shot with his microphone. Anderson then takes said
microphone and says “welcome to Total Non-Stop Anderson (nice touch).”
Samoa Joe is then shown leaving
the building, as JB is attempting to get a word with him about what
Bischoff said. Joe just ignores him and walks off, until this white,
unmarked van pulls up in front of him and a group of masked men jump
out of the van and basically abduct Joe, which is one of the most bizarre
things I’ve ever seen on a wrestling show.
Kevin Nash and Eric Young then
come out to close the show. Nash says he doesn’t remember when or
where it happened, but about 18 years ago (I thought he didn’t remember
when), he decided to pick Scott Hall and 6 Pac as his friends. He says
around 10 years ago, he also went and picked up a black suit, because
he knew he would one day need to wear it to put one of them in the dirt
real soon. Nash says he doesn’t know what’s worse in this business,
broken bones or broken hearts. He says he’s worked so hard to keep
Hall and 6 Pac employed, but he’s carried them for the very last time.
He then invites Hall and 6 Pac down to the ring to face him (this made
no sense at all why Hall and 6 Pac would have to enter through the crowd
after hearing what Nash said. How did they get in the building to begin
with?). The two of them come down and Eric Young immediately goes outside
to brawl with 6 Pac, as Nash invites Hall into the ring and the two
of them go at it, having to be separated by security. Hogan then comes
out to catch a glimpse of what’s going on (big surprise) and he doesn’t
look pleased. Nash then mutters something about how they’ll finish
this next week (I’m holding my breath).
Final thoughts:
This show was completely ridiculous.
The main issue I have with TNA is that there is no definition in their
product. Every angle or feud is separated into these individual segments,
which are forgotten about by the next week’s show, and there is no
clear cut focus of the show. The main angle should be the title program,
which was only given ONE segment. Granted it was the best segment on
the show, but it was completely forgotten about by the end. Desmond
Wolfe was wasted, Abyss was wasted, Daniels was wasted (he gets less
than a minute with Kurt Angle!!! What the hell is that!), Samoa Joe
was wasted. Need I say more? Daniels and Angle could’ve had a match
of the year if given at least five minutes, but they didn’t even get
that. The Samoa Joe abduction was too stupid to even elaborate on. I
can’t believe Orlando Jordan still has a job. Hall and 6 Pac are supposedly
not on the roster, yet for some reason, they keep getting the final
segment on the show. The only highlights to speak of are the opening
segment with Pope and AJ and the 8-man X-Division match. Other than
that, a terrible performance by TNA tonight. Good luck with the Monday
night war. 1.5 out of 10.
All Content © 2011 by Fight Media Inc. | Site Developed by Nautical Progressions
