WWE Raw Report for Aug. 3 – Review + Questions
Jeremy Piven makes his way to the ring with Dr. Ken, they introduce themselves to the crowd. Piven reminds everyone that Triple H will take on Legacy, just then he is interrupted by the Miz. Miz comes out and tells Piven to stop making a mockery of Raw; Piven insults him and the crowd cheers. Miz demands a rematch with Cena tonight, Cena comes out. Cena plugs Piven’s new film “The Goods,” then tells Piven to make their match interesting. Piven says that Cena and Miz will compete in a lumberjack match. He goes on to add stipulations to the match. First he starts by saying that if Miz loses, he’ll be banned from Summerslam. Cena whispers something to Piven, Piven then says that if Miz loses, he’ll be banned from Monday Night Raw. Cena and the crowd start goodbye chants as we go to break.
Evan Bourne vs Jack Swagger
Evan Bourne beings by taking Swagger down, but Swagger is quick to react with a huge slam. Bourne eventually goes to the top rope, but comes down and drops Swagger again. Bourne goes up to the top once again and attempts a moonsault, but Swagger stops it and tries the gutwrench –Bourne is quick to roll Swagger up for a 2 count. Swagger then grabs Bourne, powerslams him then scores with the gutwrench powerbomb for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Jack Swagger
(It really sounds like Zack de la Rocha doesn’t it?)
After the match Swagger attacks Bourne but MVP comes in for the save.
On wwe.com they ask, “Who would win in a match between Big Show or Shaq?”
Do any of you really give a shit? Didn’t think so.
Backstage Piven is talking to Divas, Ken interrupts and they have a little verbal exchange which leads to Ken insulting the Big Show. Of course, the Big Show is right behind them. Show talks about how he was embarrassed last week and wants a match with Piven, Piven tells him he’ll face Kofi Kingston.
Mickie James, Gail Kim vs Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall
Gail and Beth start with a couple of pushes but Beth is too strong and drops her with a shove. Gail tags in Mickie, who comes in with a dropkick and hits a Lou Thesz press from the top rope. Beth takes the upper hand and works her over before making a tag. Jillian steps in but Mickie takes her down with a head scissors and tags Gail. Gail connects with her own modified spear and hits Beth with a missile dropkick. Jillian makes a blind tag; Beth comes in and smashes Gail in the back of the head with a solid shot, then hits her finisher for the win.
Winners: Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall
Triple H vs Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes
Triple H connects with right hands on both members of Legacy. Triple H drops Cody then follows up with a shoulder block and standing vertical suplex. DiBiase comes in and is dropped quickly by a thunderous clothesline. Triple H tries the Pedigree, Rhodes breaks it up, Triple H grabs both of them and sends them to the outside and we go to break.
On the other side of the break, Cody wrestles Trips with a headlock and Legacy attack with the double team. They continue to work H over with stomps in the corner. The double team continues as they hit a double suplex. Rhodes applies a submission then plants the game with a DDT. Rhodes misses the moonsault, Triple H builds momentum with a high knee and spinebuster on Rhodes. He goes for the Pedigree, but DiBiase attacks from behind with Dream Street, Rhodes goes for the cover and gets a 2. Rhodes takes advantage of a weakened Triple H and hits the Cross-Rhodes to get the victory.
Winners: Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase
Following the match, Triple H is laying near the bottom rope with a microphone. He hints on reforming a group, possibly Evolution? No. He shuts that idea down after saying that Orton is a jerk, Batista is always injured and Flair is signing autographs in the independents. He then says that maybe he’ll make one phone call, “and if their not down with that he’s got two words for ya.” Triple H’s music plays as Legacy continue up the ramp.
*HBK and HHH, its time they step aside and put some young talent over. Sure people like it for nostalgic reasons, we all know wrestling fans have a great memories, but it gets to a certain point where you can only play the same record over and over again until it becomes too cumbersome.*
Chavo insults Piven by confusing him with Joe Rogan and Jon Favreu. Piven tells Chavo that he’ll be in a regular wrestling match with Hornswoggle.
Carlito vs Primo
Primo lands numerous blows in the corner and drops Carlito several times. Primo connects with a springboard clothesline, which causes Carlito to roll outside, but Primo jumps on him. Back in the ring, Carlito turns things around with a body slam. Primo answers back with a spin kick and spear. Suddenly Carlito attempts the backstabber, but Primo sees it and rolls him up for a 2 count. Carlito is persistent with the backstabber and this time, he hits it to get the win.
Winner: Carlito
Chavo is in the ring ready for his match with Hornswoggle when Piven and Ken appear on the screen. They say Hornswoggle got a case of chicken pox and can’t make it, but they got his cousin Markswoggle as a replacement.
Out comes Mark Henry in a red singlet and Hornswoggle hat.
Chavo vs Markswoggle
Henry starts smashing Chavo then Chavo jumps to the apron. Henry grabs Chavo and throws him back in the ring, then destroys him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Winner: Mark Henry
After the match, Henry lifts the ring skirt and out comes Hornswoggle, who goes to the top rope and hits the tadpole splash. Hornswoggle and Henry celebrate the win.
A very impressive click of the heels by Mark Henry. Remarkable.
Piven and Ken ask Orton to be the special guest ring announcer. Orton is enraged by the suggestion and then walks off.
Fans voted 83% that Shaq would defeat Big Show in a wrestling match. I really hope this doesn’t lead to an angle.
Kofi Kingston vs Big Show
Jericho walks to the commentary position.
Kofi starts chopping away at Show with kicks, but Show just grabs Kingston and tosses him around. Show walks over to Kingston and stands on his head then uses shoulder thrusts in the corner. Show slams Kingston down and hits a splash off the second rope for a 2 count. Show continues to toss Kingston around and display his strength. Kofi manages to drop Show to one knee and hits Trouble in Paradise. Show pushes out of Kofi’s pin attempt and hits a gut busting spear. He then just absolutely mashes Kingston with body shots as he ignores the referee. The ref calls for the bell.
Winner: Kofi Kingston via DQ
Following the match, an angry Show continues to deliver punishment to Kofi as Jericho talks smack. They both pose in the ring as we go to commercial.
We see Triple H talking on his phone as he asks the person on the other end, “Are you ready?” We hear a dial tone and it cuts to a promo of Piven’s new film, “The Goods.”
John Cena vs The Miz
Piven and Ken are up on the ramp, and Piven says he has a confession. Piven says he’s a fan of Cena but is a bigger fan of… Randy Orton. Piven says that he has personally picked all the lumberjacks, Orton, Legacy, Swagger, Chavo, Masters all heels. Piven and Ken instantly turn heel.
Miz starts with a few shots, but Cena battles back, rolls to the outside and smashes a few of the lumberjacks. He gets back in the ring and plants the Miz with a bulldog then sends Miz outside where he lands in front of Piven.
Back in the ring, Cena tries the STF, but Orton goes to the apron to make a distraction. Miz sends Cena to the floor and Masters locks on the Masterlock. Back in the ring Miz works Cena over until Cena hits a shoulder block and a five knuckle shuffle. Orton pulls Cena to the outside and they continue the beat down. They throw Cena to the steel steps and the lumberjacks continually smash Cena down. Back in the ring, Ken gives his cane to Miz, Cena ducks the swing by the Miz and hits the Attitude Adjuster on him to secure the win.
Winner: John Cena (The Miz is no longer on Raw).
After the match, Cena hits a few of the lumberjacks. Piven is on the top rope and jumps but Cena catches him and uses him as a battering ram to knockout other lumberjacks. Ken comes in and hits Cena with a cane, Cena drops Piven and is shit scared. Ken hugs Cena and yells “we did it.” Ken tells Cena that it wasn’t he that hit Cena with the cane. Cena grabs Ken and picks him up in a gorilla press and tosses him to the outside onto the remaining lumberjacks. Cena’s music plays and he stares down Orton who is on the entrance ramp.
Just a few thoughts
Many people have expressed that they are not fans of this celebrity GM deal, but I’ve got to say that I didn’t mind the heel turn at the end. I think this was the first time since they started this gimmick, in which the creative team threw in a curve ball, its good to give the viewers something different. It would be great to see a GM that completely favours the heels just to mix it up a bit.
If I can change gears for a moment, for all you religious wrestling fans, it must be gratifying to have Brock Lesnar –a former WWE Champion as the UFC heavyweight champion, if it can be done then why not. It sort of legitimizes pro wrestling for those who have always considered it to be a side show.
I’m sure everyone has heard about Fedor Emelianenko signing with Strikeforce. Although people might be upset that he’s not going to the UFC to fight Lesnar, there are still several of interesting match ups for him in Strikeforce, Rogers, Werdum, Overeem, who knows, maybe even Mousasi can move to heavyweight to fight him. Without build, the Strikeforce matches may not have the appeal that Lesnar vs Emelianenko does for the casual fan, but nonetheless they are still compelling match ups. That being said, what do you think of this situation?
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