WWE Smackdown Report – Edge Awaits ‘Taker
Jim Ross and “Mrs. Foley’s baby boy” open up the show from Hershey, Pennsylvania, with tonight’s broadcast being booked around Edge’s Cutting Edge segment, which will feature a mystery guest to be revealed at the end of the show. Triple H is off tonight, presumably due to the birth of his new baby daughter, Murphy Claire.
CURTAIN JERKER: MVP vs JIMMY WANG YANG
Jeff Hardy comes out to get a front row seat for this one. MVP takes the opportunity to remind Jeff how he will never be WWE Champion because he is too reckless.
The match starts and MVP takes control from the outset, working Yang over on the canvas in front of his rival, Jeff, who remains glued to the action at ringside.
Jimmy Wang Yang fights back with a heel kick followed by a 360 kick in the corner, but his momentum is short lived. MVP eventually wins the match with a vicious kick to Yang’s head.
Winner: MVP
After the match Jeff Hardy steps between the ring ropes to confront MVP. Says Jeff, “If you ever mention my home, the fire, or my dog again, I’ll prove to you what kind of man I am!” A Twist-of-Fate puts the exclamation mark on Jeff’s point and Hardy concludes the confrontation by yelling at Porter that he “makes [him] sick”!
Harry Smith sightings: 0
Jimmy Wang Yang sightings: 3
Cameras cut to the back where we see Chavo Guerrero pushing Vickie Guerrero down the hall in her wheelchair and telling her that he has “no idea who Edge’s mystery guest is tonight.” Chavo suddenly comes to a complete stop and we see that Alicia Fox is standing in the middle of the hall talking to a friend. Vickie looks disgusted and I think Jim Ross says it best when he says, “What is the wedding planner still doing here?”
MATCH TWO: MR. KENNEDY vs SHELTON BENJAMIN
Kennedy cuts a promo before the match where he hypes up the crowd by playing with their reactions to his catch phrase. It is an impressive display of charisma but Kennedy desperately needs a feud to sink his teeth into and to give him something more substantial to talk about.
The ring bell sounds and the match gets underway. Side head-lock take-down by Shelton Benjamin followed by a quick near fall.
Mr. Kennedy teases a Mic Check but Benjamin escapes to the outside.
Suplex by Shelton Benjamin.
Mr. Kennedy starts targeting Benjamin’s left shoulder. Kennedy locks his opponent into an arm-bar that Shelton has difficulty breaking out of.
Buzzsaw kick by Kennedy!
Shelton Benjamin runs Kennedy’s left shoulder into the ring post while completely forgetting to sell his own injury.
Benjamin puts Kennedy into an arm-bar now and Kennedy does a much better job of selling than his opponent did earlier.
Shoulder-breaker by Shelton Benjamin!
Cross-arm-breaker applied by The Gold Standard on his opponent’s injured left arm.
The action spills to the outside, where Shelton continues his attack.
Back in the ring now, and Kennedy drops the United States Champion with a knee-buster.
Cross-body by Shelton Benjamin! 1-2-no! That was close!!
Mic Check out of nowhere by Mr. Kennedy! 1-2-3!!
Winner: Mr. Kennedy
After the match Eve Torres interviews Shelton and asks, “What happened in there tonight?” Benjamin answers in true heel fashion, saying, “Eve, I’m not here to make a bunch of excuses… but to tell you the truth I probably shouldn’t have been out there tonight because I’m suffering from an acute case of bronchitis.” GOLD!
Cameras cut to the Edge-Heads’ locker room where they are ranting and raving about WWE ring tones (I’m completely serious, btw). Chavo barges in and demands to know what Alicia Fox is doing in the arena, but both Edge-Heads say they have no idea. They then continue drooling over the ring tones like adolescent boys excitedly seeing breasts for the first time on softcore Friday late nights.
MATCH THREE: THE BRIAN KENDRICK (W/EZEKIEL) vs STEVIE RICHARDS
Before the match starts “The Brian Kendrick” takes the stick for a self-hype promo. Kendrick says that he hasn’t had an attitude change and that he’s “always been this way.” It is a great heel promo and Brian ends it by saying that wearing a smile and working with Paul London was just to get his “foot in the door” and that he doesn’t care about any of the fans – and if anyone has a problem with that “they can take it up with my man Zeke!”
The ring bell sounds. Somehow, I don’t think that Stevie Richards is going to win this match and use it as a stepping stone en route to the World Heavyweight Title.
Kendrick punches and kicks Richards into submission early on.
Modified camel clutch applied by Brian Kendrick.
Boston Crab applied by Kendrick, who is being very aggressive in the ring right now!
Stevie gets in a brief moment of offence in, courtesy of a sit-down powerbomb, but it is Brian Kendrick who eventually wins the match after Big Zeke intimidates Richards long enough for Kendrick to regain his composure and hit his ‘The Kendrick’ for the win.
Winner: The Brian Kendrick
After the match Ezekiel puts Stevie Richards into a Torture Rack for good measure.
MATCH FOUR: THE GREAT KHALI (W/RANJIN SINGH) vs JEFF HARDY
This one does not have ‘classic’ written all over it. The two men engage in a stand-off that sees Jeff not back down from the giant Indian. A clothesline from Khali takes Hardy off his feet and from here it is a one-way ticket to Squashville (home of Colin Delany, Stevie Richards, and Zack Gowen, btw).
Powerslam by Khali, who has apparently added a new move to his repertoire (be afraid Triple H). A second powerslam confirms that Khali has indeed learned this new move.
The finish of the match comes when The Great Khali slaps Hardy to the outside (I’m completely serious, btw) and then dismantles him. Jeff makes a brief comeback, hitting both his Whipser In The Wind and Swanton Bomb, but then MVP runs in to interfere. Amazingly, referee Charles Robinson does not issue an automatic disqualification, instead allowing Jeff to hit an over-the-top-rope cannonball that takes MVP out! But Khali drags Hardy back into the ring by the head and then ends the match with a Vice Grip.
Winner: The Great Khali
After the match MVP gloats over Jeff Hardy’s lifeless body.
A vignette airs hyping R-Truth’s imminent re-debut in the WWE.
After a commercial break WWE Trivia tells us that more male viewers watched Smackdown last Friday than any other program. (Apparently softcore late nights wasn’t on).
MATCH FIVE: MARIA vs VICTORIA
This is Maria’s debut on Smackdown and it was disappointingly anti-climatic. There was no build up on her actual debut show and she never even cut a promo either before her match or after it. She just wrestled like it was any other ordinary outing.
Reverse bridged camel clutch applied by Victoria!
Back-breaker into a spinning side-slam by Victoria!
Powerslam by Victoria into a near fall.
Sunset flip by Maria. 1-2-no!
A flying clothesline off the top rope finally settles matters.
Winner: Maria
Cameras cut to a back hallway where Edge is telling Alicia Fox that although he wants her in the building, he doesn’t want her backstage. Alicia seems enamoured with the Rated R Superstar and seems to agree to sitting in her seat with the rest of the fans in attendance for the rest of the show.
MATCH SIX: THE BIG SHOW vs DOMINO
The Big Show dominates from the outset, as you would expect.
A big boot from The Big Show takes Domino off his feet and a Chokeslam seals his fate. Welcome to Squashville, Domino! Population: Nobody cares!
Winner: The Big Show
After the match Umaga comes out to stare down Show and size him up. This is a special moment in pro wrestling because you have two men in the ring, one of whom doesn’t talk much and is pretty round around the belly, and the other of whom is Umaga!
Cameras cut to the GM’s office where Chavo admits to Vickie that he is still at a loss as to who Edge’s special guest is on the Cutting Edge tonight.
MAIN EVENT SEGMENT: THE CUTTING EDGE
Edge sits in the dark in the middle of the ring and says that he’s been trying to find some “inner peace” all week. The Rated R Superstar admits that his marriage is hanging by a thread and that he’s nervous about stepping into the Hell In A Cell against his rival, The Undertaker.
Edge says that he’s watched all of Taker’s videos this week and seen all of his former HITC matches, then admits that it was probably a mistake to do so because they made him see “all the cruelty” and “pain” and “suffering” that The Dead Man dished out to his opponents.
Edge seems to go a little crazy in the ring at this point, saying that he knows the one person who can help him against The Undertaker and help him “thrive in Hell In The Cell [with the aid from] the person who knows The Undertaker better than anyone in history!” Then Edge introduces his mystery guest… Mick Foley!!
Foley seems as surprised as the fans by Edge’s shock revelation, even going so far as to say, “You can’t be serious!”
Foley obliges Edge’s request to step in the ring, though, and although Edge admits that the two of them have history the Canadian pleads that he’s “a changed man.”
A video then airs which shows Mick Foley’s infamous bump against Taker at King of the Ring ’98, a match in which Foley fell from the top of the Hell In The Cell structure.
Says Edge, “I watched you walk the day before that match, and I’ve watched you try and walk every day since and you can’t do it! … And Mick, if you help me, you can exercise [that] demon of The Undertaker!”
At this point Mick Foley cuts a terrific promo, saying, “I never was the same after that Cell match with The Undertaker, and there IS a part of me that would like to help you. But the thing is… you’ve hurt my credibility… For weeks, for months, for years, in both the words I’ve spoken and on the written page I’ve said it loud and I’ve said it long; Edge is the greatest Superstar in the WWE – even when it hasn’t been popular to say [so]. The problem, Edge, is that unless our fans have a really long memory, they think you suck! Because they see an Edge week in and week out who takes shortcuts… And so Edge I say ‘not only will I not help you, I CAN’T help you, but I know the one person who can – Edge.’ Edge, you need to look inside your heart, your soul, and inside your mind and find the Edge that made me say you are the greatest Superstar in the WWE! Remember the Edge who shattered through the glass ceiling when everyone else said it wouldn’t be popular… You need to find that Edge and bring him to SummerSlam, because if that cell door slams shut and The Undertaker stares face to face at THIS Edge… then with God as my witness, with a body that remembers every fall 10 years after the date, you bring this Edge and The Undertaker will tear you apart!!!” Edge quivers at the thought and then says, “I understand” before cheap-shotting his guest and sending him outside the ring! Foley attempts to hit Edge with a chair from ringside but Edge counters with a boot to the face and then a Spear into Foley’s gut, knocking the colour commentator backwards into the steel steps!
Not content with the damage he’s already caused, Edge sets up a table in the ring and then slams a chair into Foley’s chest from on top of a ladder, through the table! The table shatters into tiny wood fragments as Smackdown goes off the air with a deranged Edge standing over a broken Mick Foley.
Alan “Milky” Laycock
LIVE AUDIO WRESTLING
alan.at.the.law@gmail.com
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