WWE Smackdown Report – TLC Just Days Away
Smackdown opens very uniquely with Edge addressing the viewers directly, saying that he will chronicle The Undertaker’s career throughout tonight’s broadcast and that The Dead Man will appear for the first time on his Cutting Edge segment and, consequently, for the last time on Smackdown. It’s Friday night in Colorado Springs, Colorado, so let’s get straight to all the action!
Batista kicks off the arena portion of the show with an in ring promo which begins with The Animal saying, “Well, I don’t have a lot to say… as usual” which as every good promo guy will tell you is a great way to start off. Erm?
Batista continues, while wearing a ridiculous pair of sunglasses, by saying that at One Night Stand he is “going to hurt Shawn Micheals.”
The segment is suddenly interrupted by the Edge Heads and Vickie Guerrero (who seemingly has mega heat since her stripping of the World Heavyweight Title a few weeks ago). Curt Hawkins takes the microphone for the first time in his WWE career and addresses The Animal by telling him to shut his mouth. Vickie ends the segment by booking a tag team match for later tonight featuring the Edge Heads versus Batista and a partner of his choosing.
A vignette airs next, highlighting The Undertaker’s debut in the WWE at the 1990 Survivor Series. Back then it was the Million Dollar Man who introduced The Phenom and Brother Love who appeared to manage him. The clip is an interesting flashback on Taker’s career and I was surprised to learn that all wrestlers in 1990 wore pink! (I did not know that!)
CURTAIN JERKER: MATT HARDY vs ELIJAH BURKE
I don’t think I’ve seen Elijah Burke on Smackdown since his days with Sylvester Terkay. What, you don’t remember Sylvester Terkay? Lucky you!
Collar and elbow tie up in the middle of the ring. The match starts off at a fairly slow pace yet the crowd is surprisingly hot for this contest all the same.
Lots of punches and near falls by both men.
Back suplex by Matt Hardy but Burke maintains a head-lock to keep him in the driver’s seat. However, a second back suplex finally takes Elijah out.
Side-Effect into a near fall by the United States Champion.
A Twist-of-Fate finally settles matters.
Winner: Matt Hardy
After the match Elijah Burke seemingly prays to the Wrestling Gods to release him from jobtivity.
Cameras cut to the back, where MVP is being interviewed by Eve Torres. Jamie Noble interrupts the interview to give MVP some words of advice. MVP responds by calling himself “Half man, half amazing” and then calling Jamie “barely half a man.” Noble responds by challenging MVP to a match later tonight.
MATCH TWO: FINLAY (W/ HORNSWOGGLE) vs CHUCK PALUMBO
Surprisingly, Chuck Palumbo comes out on his motorcycle wearing a Slash hat. Even more surprisingly, it actually looks okay on him.
Palumbo is the aggressor early on. Belly-to-back suplex by the big man.
Finlay side-steps a spear attempt as Chuck goes left shoulder-first into the ring post. Finlay begins to work over the injured arm of his rival.
Drop-toe-hold by Finlay on Chuck on the outside as the big man goes head-first into the steel stairs.
A big boot by Chuck Palumbo garners a near fall.
Back on the outside, and Hornswoggle comes out from hiding under the ring long enough to distract Chuck Palumbo. Chuck uses a steel chain wrapped around his wrist though to knock his Irish opponent out, which forces referee Jimmy Korderas to ring the bell.
Winner: Finlay (via DQ)
Cameras cut to the GM’s office where the Edge Heads are talking strategy ahead of their match against Batista. Jamie Noble barges in and demands that Vickie makes his challenge against MVP official. Vickie Guerrero does and then Noble leaves, surprised that there weren’t any added stipulations imposed upon him.
Another clip airs documenting The Undertaker’s career, this time flashing back to the King of the Ring in 1998, when The Undertaker threw Mick Foley off the top of the Hell In The Cell. Later, Mick Foley risked his life again by crashing through the roof of the Cell from a Chokeslam. To be honest, this match had very little to do with The Undertaker. It just happened to be The Dead Man who was Foley’s opponent while Mick was on suicidal bump duty.
MATCH THREE: JOHN MORRISON (W/ THE MIZ) vs CM PUNK
Holy crap! The Miz knows how to walk in slow motion with Morrison! When did he learn how to do that?!!
Right away The Miz is sent to the backroom by the referee. For some reason he doesn’t walk in slow motion.
School boy roll up by CM Punk for a near fall!
Jawbreaker by John Morrison.
Leg lariat by CM Punk followed by a bulldog!
Eventually Punk counters a vertical suplex into a GTS for the win.
Winner: CM Punk
MATCH FOUR: BATISTA AND ??? vs ZACK RYDER AND CURT HAWKINS (W/ VICKIE GUERRERO)
Batista announces before the match that he doesn’t need a partner. Vickie then declares the match to be a handicap contest, to which The Animal responds that the GM misunderstood his earlier statement. Says Batista, “I said I don’t need a partner, I didn’t say I didn’t have one!” Cue The Big Show’s theme music!
Batista and Curt Hawkins start off for their respective teams and this match is a virtual squash from the outset. The finish comes when Batista hits Ryder with a Batista Bomb while The Big Show simultaneously delivers a Chokeslam to Hawkins.
Winners: Batista and The Big Show
The next Dead Man vignette takes us back to Royal Rumble 2007, in which The Undertaker eliminated Shawn Michaels to earn the right to headline WrestleMania.
We cut to the backstage medical area where Maryse interrupts Cherry’s medical check up with the following intriguing conversation:
Trainer: Cherry you are healing so I think everything’s going to be okay.
Cherry: Ok thanks. [To Maryse] What are you doing here?
Maryse: Cherry you’re not the only one that needs attention. [To the trainer] Um, I need you to look at my ankle. Really, really, hurt.
Trainer: When did you hurt it?
Maryse: Um, I think I hurt it last week, in the ring, kicking Cherry’s face.
Cameras cut back to ringside where Mick Foley hopes Maryse can get some payback at One Night Stand. Erm, doesn’t he mean Cherry? Maybe you should lay off the poems Mick and pay more attention to the actual women.
MATCH FIVE: MVP vs JAMIE NOBLE
The ring bell sounds and the match gets underway. MVP uses his superior size and strength to bully Noble into a corner.
Jamie Noble starts to work over MVP’s left leg.
MVP back on the offensive, which is just as well because he wasn’t selling the leg injury anyway.
Abdominal stretch applied by Porter in the middle of the squared circle.
Low drop kick on the injured left leg by Noble, which MVP continues to no-sell.
Awesome cannonball by Jamie Noble in corner on Porter! 1-2-no! That was close!
Vicious kick to the head by MVP. 1-2-3.
Winner: MVP
Another Undertaker vignette airs documenting his involvement at WrestleMania 23 last year. This was The Undertaker’s great match against Batista. After the match The Dead Man was 15-0 at WrestleMania as well as the new Heavyweight World Champion!
A match between Cousin Sal and Santino Marella is hyped for Smackdown next week, although I’m not sure why this isn’t a RAW match, seeing as how the entire feud has so far played out on Monday night and all those involved belong to that brand. But I’m not going to complain about seeing the always entertaining Santino on Smackdown, even if it does smack of desperation on the part of the Friday night writers.
MATCH SIX: SHANNON MOORE vs VLADIMIR KOZLOV
S-Q-U-A-S-H.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
MATCH SEVEN: MICHELLE MCCOOL vs MARYSE (W/ DEUCE ‘N DOMINO)
Arm-drag take-down by McCool followed by a fireman’s carry.
Jackknife cover by Michelle for a near fall.
A distraction on the outside by Deuce ‘N Domino hands Maryse the advantage. However, Cherry comes out to her friend’s aid. This second distraction draws the ire of Duece ‘N Domino, which leaves Maryse on her own to tap out to a “Brazilian heel hook.”
Winner: Michelle McCool
The last Undertaker vignette airs showing how Edge cashed in his MITB briefcase on The Undertaker to win his third World Heavyweight Title.
MAIN EVENT SEGMENT: CUTTING EDGE
The World Heavyweight Title hangs symbolically from a rope above a ladder in the ring ahead of the TLC match scheduled for this Sunday’s PPV.
Edge comes out first to introduce his talk show and says that The Undertaker has been a constant “spectre” that has hung over his head since his debut on Smackdown over a year ago.
The Rated R Superstar continues by hyping up his match against his rival, including the stipulation that if The Undertaker loses then he must leave the WWE altogether.
Very comically, Edge decides to roll a highlight reel of Taker’s previous TLC matches. When nothing shows up on the Titantron Edge laughs and says, “Silly me, The Undertaker has never been in a TLC match!” This leads to a highlight reel of Edge’s accomplishments in TLC matches, all set to a blatant rip off of Indiana Jones and with biased commentary that favours the Orangeville native.
Finally, the Cutting Edge host welcomes his guest and The Dead Man marches with a purpose towards the ring. Being a man of few words, much like Batista, Taker merely stalks Edge in circles around the ladder while the Canadian tells La Familia to bring out a symbolic casket. But you can’t play mind games with The Undertaker, who proceeds to chase Edge out of the ring and then single-handedly takes out the entire La Familia!
However, the numbers game eventually catches up with The Dead Man and a steel chair wielded by Edge takes The Undertaker out.
Smackdown goes off the air with La Familia placing The Undertaker into the casket and then shutting the lid. Or does it? Suddenly the lights go off and the familiar gong tolls! When the lights turn back up The Undertaker is on top of the ladder in the ring!!
Last Ride for Curt Hawkins through a table! Edge retreats up the entrance ramp! The stage is set for One Night Stand!
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