WWE Smackdown Report – Triple H vs. Edge Days Away
Charlotte, North Carolina hosted Smackdown this week, with the show being booked around Edge and Vickie Guerrero’s wedding (where the entire wedding party were at ringside for the whole show!). Will the wedding be pulled off without a hitch? Or will Triple H come in to ruin/save the day?
You know, I have to admit that it’s amazing how the roster changes to Smackdown have impacted the show and even affected me as a reporter. It’s like I got traded to the A Show without even having to leave! Viewers at home must also be revelling in the improved star power and quality of the program!
Finally, just for the record, it’s been 1 week since Jimmy Wang Yang’s 30-day suspension ended and about 1 month since Harry Smith was drafted from RAW to Smackdown; and still no sighting of either! But don’t worry, dear readers, because I will be keeping tabs from now on until both Superstars make their WWE re-debuts:
Harry Smith sightings: 0
Jimmy Wang Yang sightings: 0
Smackdown begins with a vignette that hypes the love affair between Edge and Vickie Guerrero.
Bizarrely, Smackdown begins with a pre-taped segment that shows Edge and Vickie getting married. It’s too bad that the most important part of the wedding wasn’t done live, but obviously the WWE want the two super-heels to be wed and only have the reception ruined.
And that’s exactly where the live show kicks off! White tables are set up at the top of the entrance ramp and the newlyweds come out to light boos while Chavo Guerrero, Bam Neely, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, and Vickie’s wedding planner, Alicia Fox, all stand and applaud.
Chavo begins the proceedings by reading a prepared speech for the happy couple. Chavo says that it’s an “honour to be [Edge’s] best man” and that it will also be an honour to be by his side at the Great American Bash where he will “beat Triple H.”
Then a GREAT WWE Magazine cover is shown, way ahead of its release date, showing Edge as the new WWE Heavyweight World Champion! I love it!
Edge takes the microphone next and makes a reference to Vickie Guerrero’s sex drive (which gives me unpleasant mental images) and then starts off the actual Smackdown show by introducing Finlay and Hornswoggle for the opening match.
Before the match starts, however, Edge tells the Irishmen that they “blatantly cheat” in their matches but that Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins are “too smart for that” and that he’s too smart for that as well, which is why he’s going to be the Special Guest Referee!
CURTAIN JERKER: FINLAY AND HORNSWOGGLE vs ZACK RYDER AND CURT HAWKINS; EDGE AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE
The first thing Edge does is chuck Finlay’s shillelagh away so that he can’t use it.
Very humorously, Edge and both Edge-Heads wrestle/officiate while still in their wedding regalia!
Edge starts admonishing Finlay for no good reason, distracting the Irishman long enough for Curt Hawkins to take an early advantage. The heels cut the ring in half, isolating Finlay.
Eventually Finlay fights himself free but then Edge interferes, drawing this classic line out of Mick Foley: “Ooh, and a Spear by the groom!”
1-2-3!
Winners: Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins
After the match Edge and his Rated R Entourage head back up the ramp, where Edge takes his bride’s hand and the two share their first dance as husband and wife. Romantic music sung live echoes the arena as the fans lightly boo some more at being subjected to this crap from Smackdown’s most hated duo!
Suddenly The Big Show comes out and steps in to dance with Vickie, for apparently no reason. Edge cuts the music and then angrily orders The Big Show to the ring for his next match, saying that he has some special opponents in mind for his rival. I love how the Canadian is acting like the GM, as it ties into the fact that he called himself “the ‘real’ General Manager of Smackdown” two weeks ago!
MATCH TWO: THE BIG SHOW vs VLADIMIR KOZLOV AND SHELTON BENJAMIN AND MVP AND THE GREAT KHALI; 4-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH
Fortunately for The Big Show, this is a standard handicap match, meaning that tags are mandatory. (Still, I don’t like his odds).
The heel foursome reluctantly tag each other in and out, with no one showing any real desire to get involved until The Great Khali finally squares up to their opponent!
After a brief shoving match all four members of the heel tag team rush The Big Show and take him down, resulting in an automatic disqualification.
Winner: The Big Show (via DQ)
After the match The Great Khali Khali-Bombs Show down to the canvas for good measure.
After a commercial break we catch up with Vickie Guerrero in the ring, now holding a mic in her hand. Her famous “Excuse me” line riles up the audience, yet I can’t help but notice that their heel heat isn’t as flammable in North Carolina as it usually is elsewhere.
Says Vickie, “It is wedding tradition to gather all of the eligible bachelorettes and see who can catch the wedding bouquet.” As she says this, however, Michelle McCool jumps Nattie Neidhart until she is ushered away by Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins.
After this slight disturbance Vickie throws the bouquet up into the air behind her back, and Cherry manages to catch it! (I’m only a few more Smackdown Reports shy of paying off your engagement ring Cherry, give me time!)
Vickie decides to congratulate Cherry with the following words, “This might seem a little mean, but I thought you were never going to get married. But since you caught the bouquet it entitles you to a special match tonight, against ME! But before you get a match against me you have to face Natalya.” (Erm, yeah, that makes perfect sense).
MATCH THREE: CHERRY vs NATALYA
Nattie rips into Cherry, destroys her bouquet, and then destroys Cherry.
Winner: Natalya
MATCH FOUR: CHERRY vs VICKIE GUERRERO
Vickie immediately screams into her microphone, “Hold on, it’s my turn. Ref, start the match!”
With Cherry already laying prone on the canvas after falling victim to Neidhart’s Sharpshooter, all Vickie has to do is cover her for the pin.
Winner: Vickie Guerrero
After the match the Smackdown GM gloats, “The winner is the bride! Thank you!!”
MATCH FIVE: JIMMY WANG YANG vs BRIAN KENDRICK (W/EZEKIEL)
Mick Foley makes the insider comment that “Jimmy Wang Yang looks very rested, doesn’t he JR?” in regards to the Yang’s recent first suspension for failing the Wellness Program.
Brian Kendrick comes out next with a new gimmick and a new bodyguard; a big black guy who looks like he could eat Kendrick!
With his new leopard-print leather jacket, Jim Ross tells the viewers at home that, “What I think you’re looking at here is the ‘real’ Brian Kendrick.” Um, sure. Whatever works (I guess).
The ring bell sounds and the match gets underway. Head-lock take-down by Yang.
Drop-toe-hold take-down followed by a head-scissors by JWY. The action spills to the outside where Jimmy Wang Yang is confronted by Ezekiel. This distraction allows Kendrick to regain control of the match.
Kendrick puts his opponent into a key-lock submission hold, but Yang fights himself free.
Backslide into a near fall by JWY!
Missile Drop Kick by Jimmy Wang Yang! 360 Inzaguri! 1-2-no! That was so close!!
Jimmy goes to the top rope but is again confronted by Ezekiel. This second distraction ultimately allows Brian Kendrick to hit his Sliced Bread finisher for the win.
Winner: Brian Kendrick
Harry Smith sightings: 0
Jimmy Wang Yang sightings: 1
Cameras cut to the back where Edge is wandering the back halls. He runs into the Slim Jim promoter, who gives him some Slim Jims as his wedding gift. What a cheap bastard! Edge graciously accepts the gift nonetheless.
MATCH SIX: MR. KENNEDY vs UMAGA
You’ll never guess what Kennedy does before the match starts! He cuts a promo where he says his name. Yup. (For the record I think Kennedy is money in the WWE, but he has to be utilized better than he currently is).
Umaga overpowers Kennedy from the outset as the story of this match quickly unfolds as the powerhouse versus the inspiring underdog.
The finish of the match comes when Kennedy hits an inzaguri on Umaga for a near fall, then falls victim to his rival’s Samoan Spike.
Winner: Umaga
A crazy commercial airs next featuring Edge as the new spokesman for Slim Jim. Apparently he was given this opportunity as one of the perks of dating his boss. (And in case you were wondering the commercial was utter crap. Nevertheless, it was cool to see Edge do something so different. I just hope we don’t have to see this commercial every week because it will get very old very fast).
MATCH SEVEN: JOHN MORRISON AND THE MIZ vs JESSE AND FESTUS
Jesse and John Morrison start off for their respective teams.
Fisherman’s suplex by Jesse! Tag to Festus! The “Corn-fed Colossus” slams Morrison into the canvas a few times and then tags back out to his partner.
Monkey-flip by Jesse in the corner, followed by a cross-body for a near fall!
Tag outs for both men, and Festus cleans house!
Jesse tags back in while Festus hits his finisher on Morrison on the outside. Meanwhile, back in the ring, The Miz hits his Reality Check on Jesse for the pinfall.
Winners: The Miz and John Morrison
MATCH EIGHT: MATT HARDY vs JEFF HARDY; BROTHER VERSUS BROTHER MATCH
As the Hardy Boys come out together they throw the wedding cake at Chavo Guerrero! Awesome! Haha!
So, what is a Brother Versus Brother Match, you ask? Well, for questions such as these I turn to Wikipedia. And here’s what Wiki says: “The Brothers of Destruction are an on and off professional wrestling tag team consisting of The Undertaker and Kane.” Well, that wasn’t very helpful at all!!!
The ring bell sounds and the two brothers lock up for their ‘hometown’ crowd. (I would personally love it if a “Hardy, Hardy, Hardy” chant started up right now!)
Whisper in the Wind by Jeff on his brother Matt!
Swanton Bomb by Jeff, but no, he misses!
Moonsault by Matt on his younger brother!
Suddenly the entire wedding party run-in on both brothers to end the match.
Winner: No Contest
After the match Edge Spears a helpless Matt Hardy, who is held by both arms by Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely.
After another commercial break we see Edge, Vickie, and the entire wedding party still in the ring. Edge is sitting in a chair now though, in what looks reminiscent of a Cutting Edge segment. Edge expresses his undying love towards his new bride and tells her that he “loves [her] from the bottom of [his] heart.”
A vignette airs next, which Edge has had the Smackdown crew put together all week. It is another video montage documenting Edge’s and Vickie’s relationship.
Suddenly, “Time To Play The Game” airs and out walks Triple H with the World Heavyweight Title draped over his shoulder and a wedding present in hand!
Says The Game in a hilarious reference to his past wedding segment with Test, “I am NOT out here to tell you that I am secretly married to Vickie Guerrero.” Instead, Trips says that he is here to celebrate “true love” like everyone else. To demonstrate this he says that he has made a special video of his own, which he then airs.
The video is a secret recording of Edge talking to the wedding planner, Alicia Fox, and was allegedly filmed the night before the wedding. The two talk about the upcoming wedding and Edge seems to be enamoured with Miss Fox.
Triple H cuts the video and then says that he will fast forward to “the good stuff.”
The video resumes and this time we see Edge and Alicia getting comfortable on the sofa, with Edge attempting to make a move on the wedding planner! He tells Alicia that her natural scent smells like “Angels harmonizing on a dewy morning” (are you reading this Hallmark?) then fakes a trapezoid pull, which prompts him to ask for a massage. When Alicia Fox asks him if her massage is making him feel all right, Edge responds by saying, “Actually I think it’s getting stiffer.” (Uh-huh)
The video cuts and Edge orders his cronies after Triple H by saying, “You know what guys, I’m sick and tired of this, go get him!!”
But Triple H brings out “Gift #2,” which turns out to be his sledgehammer! The attack is thus halted, allowing The Game to get back to airing Edge’s dirty laundry.
The video resumes and this time we see Edge giving Alicia a back massage. The Canadian starts talking about sexy lingerie and how he had to go to a special store for “bigger people” to find something for Vickie.
This brings out the line of the night: “This is awkward.” –Triple H
The World Heavyweight Champion pulls out “Gift #3” next, which is plus sized underwear, making the joke that Vickie “won’t need it because Edge has you covered” and then jokes further by saying that he can park his car under the large sized panties.
The video resumes for the final time and this time we finally see Edge and Alicia make out. Alicia says she should go but Edge refuses by saying, “No, you should stay.” They kiss and then the video cuts out, leaving a fuming Vickie in the ring with no other choice than to attack her husband! Alicia slyly gets away unharmed and Smackdown goes off the air with Vickie screaming at Edge that she hates him! How this latest relationship development will affect the Heavyweight Title match at the Great American Bash is anybody’s guess. I suppose we’ll have to tune in on Sunday to find out!
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